I'm I blowing it way out of proportion?

Question

My fiance has his friends in town for a week.Before i go into more detail let me paint you a picture.He does not drink, does not dance (unless i beg him to), & not a party goer.Well we were suppose to meet his friends over the weekend.I was practically packed & ready to go when he tells me his friends would rather it be a guys weekend.Disappointed i said fine i will stay home. They spent the weekend bar & club hopping.They get back into town on Tuesday & again do the same.Right before he leaves he tells me they will be going down to Miami for the rest of the week to do the same.With me he wont go clubbing or drinking because he says that is not him.Right after he told me he was going to Miami I became upset.He is acting like all this partying is OK & i have no reason to be upset.He is not a single guy like his friends so I think he should stop trying to act like one. Why with them & not me? I 'm not the type of girly girly who gets offended easily.I get along better with guys than girl

Answer 1

Go out with your friends for the weekend to Miami.

Answer 2

That actually happened to me and my wife before we got married.

I don't drink nor dance either, but I would go out with my friends partying, getting drunk, and yes, even dancing.

She never got mad, but she did wonder why I did it.

A year and a half later and I know now.

Those friends were part of a past that I enjoyed while it lasted, and I don't regret it, but I would never go down that path again.

When I met my wife, my life started to change (because of her and other challenges in my life). At first I didn't want to let go of my friends, hence my attitude.

Also I wasn't a very authentic person as I behaved differently depending on my company.

Those friends are not my friends anymore in the way they used to be. I talk to them sometimes, but our lifes have changed so much that we no longer bond like we once did.

The responsibility that comes after becoming a married man also played a small part, because change is always frightening.

In my case I was able to "mature" that part of my life thanks to the support of my wife, and fighting to regain my true self..

Sometimes we (men) tend to go "inside" when it gets though. We tend not to seek for support, specially not from your significant other, since we feel that makes us look weak, and because it's a great feeling when you come out victorious from a fight all by yourself.

When I didn't realize this, if my wife tried to find out what was wrong, pushing me to "let my feelings out", getting mad, etc., I also got mad.

The best way to help, is to just BE there for him. Just be, nothing more. If he abuses this great gift of thrust and love... well, that's for another question :)

I'm not saying he's going through the same as I did, but I hope this gives you some insight.

PS: Now I'm going to take dancing lessons so I can surprise my wife one of these days!

Answer 3

Seems as though he likes to party and go bar hopping and have a good time with his friends rather than you. It sounds pretty serious to me and it should bother you that he does not want to have fun with you. You say he is your fiancee. I would not want a fiancee like him and if I did have such a fiancee I would quickly tell him he is no longer my fiancee. In short, I would not marry him under any circumstances. Clearly he does not love you and he is showing it. Do you really want to marry this guy? You do know he will not stop doing things with his guy friends and leave you out, don't you?

Answer 4

My husband is the same way sometimes. When he and I go out with his friends he will party down with us. When it's just he and I, he won't really party that much. Sometimes guys are just more comfortable getting drunk and partying around their guy friends. When your man is with you, he probably doesn't want to get drunk because he feels like he needs to look out for you. :) Be honest and tell him how you feel. Don't skirt around the issue, otherwise you will end up upset later. Good luck!

Answer 5

If he doesn't get to see his friends often, he may just want to spend time with them. You mention he's your fiance- maybe this is like a bachelor party type thing for him. If it is really bothering you this bad TALK TO HIM don't get mad and yell and embarrass him in front of his friends- TALK- you're about to get into a marriage- this won't be the last time he pisses you off..

Answer 6

he doesnt do those things with u cause with u he cant be himself and do what he wants in that scene with the guys he can be like them in that scene is this really the type of man u want 2 spend ur life with then again maybe he needs these last time thrills b4 u get married i dont know if hes not settled now will he be then

Answer 7

I don't think you are blowing it out of proportion. If he won't do it with you then he should not do it without you.