Do you settle for normalcy?

Question

It's "normal" for kids to misbehave in public.

It's "normal" for men to be uninterested in parenting.

It's "okay" for kids to potty train at four.

It’s “normal” not to have family meals.

It’s “normal” for kids to watch TV before two years of age.

I don’t know about you but I’m so afraid of all the parents excusing their children’s behavior as “normal.” While it’s “normal” shouldn’t people strive and expect for more then average behavior in both themselves and their children? Do you settle for “normal” behavior? When did parents decide normal should be used as an excuse? What expectations do you set for your kids and yourself as a parent? Have you encountered parents like this?

My son was napping and my other boy is in school. Thank you very much for asking!

Answer 1

I was recently told normal was some arbitrary (and often insane) notion people were too afraid to reject. I added that sometimes people are too lazy to reject the notion, as well, and we both agreed that's also a cause.

First of all, "normal" people never become extraordinary people. They just don't. Everyday people can do extraordinary things, but they step out of their everyday lives to do it.

Second, there are behaviors which I consider intolerable for modern society, and I will physically remove my children from a venue if they are breaking that rule. I tell them in advance the expectations, and I will remove myself with the child.

Third, I also understand the child I am dealing with is an individual and therefore has his or her own wants and needs which he or she wants addressed.

"Normal" is a buzzword people use to excuse incompetence. It is not normal for kids to misbehave in public -- it is normal for parents to remove a misbehaving child from the situation. It is normal for men to be very interested in parenting -- all the men I know are. It is okay for kids to potty train at four because some kids don't have that biological function . . . and some children are rebelling against the lives they have no control over. Being warehoused weekdays then babysat weekends then being told Mommy and Daddy love him or her? That makes him angry because if that's love, then what is the desire to be with Mommy and Daddy? Is it bad? And no, it is never normal to set children in front of the electronic babysitter. NEVER. If you have to? Put the child in a playard with one of those interactive boards or quilts or blocks and put the playard where the child can see the parent (for reassurance) while the parent does whatever work is necessary.

I found that my grandparents' generation (The WW2 Generation, now a lot of people's great-grandparents) was the last one to make demands on their children. The sixties "anything goes" mentality absolutely screwed the heads up of all my peers, and our kids are suffering for it while we try to struggle through learning to parent ourselves and our selves.

Parents like you are complaining about are vast in number, now. We have a battleground littered which children's psyches. And yes, the extraordinary will rise from this mass of "normal" children beaten down by their parents and society. They will rise above as more mature, more polite, more well-spoken, more educated than their peers.

If you choose to parent your child outside of "normal", then your child will very probably find it easier than you did to overcome the obstacles between him (or her) and success. If no one excels, the child who puts in even a bit of effort will.

Answer 2

When I first read the question I thought you were coming from another angle. But my answer is kind of the same anyway.

I intially thought you were asking if it was ok to just be normal? The examples you put out are for excuses of things and behavior that a lot of us question or find wrong.

I do not want my kinds to be normal. I want them to be individuals. Normal is boring. Normal is nothing. I want them to be unique individuals and excell at those things which make them unique.

The things you mention are excuses, and at the same time are condoning "normal" behavior (as misconceived as they may be about what is the best way or best behavior).

So, I do not want my kids to be normal, nor will I make excuses for their behaivor or any inadeqacies in my parenting as being "normal."

Answer 3

Define normal. In my experience we all define normal based on our own personal experiences ,expertations and values.The days of LEAVE it to BEAVER are over. Many households have 2 working parents and so at times the daily routine is not so routine. Most children will try to see if they can "get away with something" and I believe it is normal. However I also believe it is normal to give children expectations so they learn acceptable behaviour.Parents work opposite shifts so they can raise their children so they don't have to pay daycare fees. Many households do not have the luxary of a stay at home, and with the cost of living it is a sad truth.I believe TV dinners were around when I was a girl and that was over 5 decades ago.When I was growing up the dad was the bread winner and mom took care of the household and the children. That was normal.I hate to tell you NORMAL is in constant change from day to day never mind decade to decade. Just look at what was normal for your parents and your grandparents.Most mothers get up each day, love their family and do their best to keep their family together with far too little time, less disposable income and sometimes a little duct tape to hold herself together for another day.

Answer 4

my children potty train by two. my kids only watch tv on the weekends my husband is 100% involved with our children. if my children don't behave they get taken away from the situation. I don't however believe in judgeing other parents. We all do what we think is best for our children. its not up to us to decide what is right and what is wrong in what they do. We just have to do what is best for our children and hope that others do the same. good luck

Answer 5

I'm iffy on that.

I find it normal for kids to act up in public, because let's face it: They're kids! Whether they're well behaved or not, they're going to act up sooner or later in public. I don't know about you, but if I was 5 yrs. old and had to walk around a store for what seemed like forever I'd get a little antsy too.

It's normal for guys not to be interested in parenting, but I don't find that okay. I find it okay for them to be *less* interested in it at times, but never completely uninterested.

Starting to potty train at 4 yrs. old I think is wrong, but sometimes kids just aren't ready until they're 3 or 3 1/2 and they aren't completely trained until they're 4.

It's sad, but it's true that family meals aren't normal these days. We're just more busy these days and it's hard to get a meal in at a time when we are all free to sit down together. I wish more people had the time for a family meal, but sometimes it's just impossible for some families.

As for tv before the age of 2, that is considered "normal" and I find that sick. Alot of parents use the tv to basically "parent" their kids these days. They use it to entertain, to teach, to put them to sleep, etc. and it's wrong--especially under the age of 2.

Answer 6

i definately dont settle for normalcy because it is not normal. all of those things you listed are unacceptable and i will not tolerate (except maybe if the potty training thing was a health condition) it is sad what this world is coming to, i think if you let the little things happen, things will only get worse.

Answer 7

If i truly stay nonetheless (which i comprehend i am going to't), and question myself have i truly performed myself worth, and certain I do, those promising and adventurous lil smiles I so frequently capture on a known foundation will continuously be sparkling in my memory...continuously :)

Answer 8

hell no, I am a strong believer of chastising my children, children are to be seen not herd , daddy is going to be involved, potty trained before 2 birthday, family meals as often as possible, my kid watch TV before two years of age (educational PBS)

Answer 9

Now that I look at your statement I feel more normal than I ever do.

Coach

Answer 10

yes - me