Last year my partner of 7 years finished with me because he couldn't take the responsibility of being a father. My daughter was devastated when he moved out. He quickly met someone else and she has just given birth to his twin girls. He has moved away and sees our daughter in the holidays. I am eaten up with jealousy and feel bitter and twisted. I just can't get over this and now he is planning to marry her next year. She is actually a very sweet person and is kind to my daughter. How can I move on and let my past go. Any advice would be appreciated.
2006-12-07 05:51:53 · 12 answers · asked by Sarah 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
My heart goes out to you, what an awful situation to be in.
BUT, the worst thing you can let anyone do is let them change you as a person. Don't let his behaviour make you a worse person.
Your daughter needs you, and she will growe up to learn the truth.
She needs her father, and the best thing you can do is just try and let go. He's gone. Not because you are a bad person or she is better than you but because he just is. you deserve to be happy.
There are billions of men on this planet, only one is your daughters father, but the rest are waiting to meet you and find out how amazing you are.............
2006-12-07 06:07:25 · answer #1 · answered by CHARISMA 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the first thing to do is stop looking for the reasons why - he probably couldn't tell you hoestly anyway. There is nothing wrong with you - the problems are all his.
There was a phone in on the radio recently about men who do this and it seemed that many of them did it over and over again. There may come a time soon when this sweet lady needs help coping with her twins after this man does another bunk and your daughter may want to keep contact with her half sisters (I am assuming he is her father too).
Of course it is improtant that your daughter maintians contact with her father and you need to concentrate on that too.
This probably sounds like hollow advice now but this really is a powerful learning experience. This is helping to mould you into a stronger more independent woman, the kind who can be a real inspiration to her daughter and othre women around her. So be kind to yourself and let go of the bitterness. Life with him is not the life intended for you - let it go and look forward to greeting the new stronger you and the great life in store for her.
2006-12-07 14:01:49 · answer #2 · answered by Leapling 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rachel - you recently answered one of my questions and I have to say I was so impressed with how articulate, caring and insightful you are. These are all skills that make you, what I'm sure, is a wonderful woman and mother. My only advice on pain is to cry it out then 'sit' with the pain i.e. here comes that horrible feeling again, I know it will pass and I will go for a walk, ring a friend, etc. Feelings are temporary - neither good (unfortunately!) or bad feelings last forever. Then while the pain is subsiding, spend some time on yourself - massage, exercise, reading...discover what your favourite things are and do them. When he phones you for advice (he seems like he may be a dependent type plus twins in a young relationship is tough work), resist the urge to 'save' him...he was never going to be good enough for you my love. But the pain right now is revolting...you could always think about how crappy his sleep and sex life must be at the moment (just kidding!!) There is a fab future for someone as wise and caring as you...i wish you all the best xx
2006-12-08 05:20:16 · answer #3 · answered by basement_chix 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to get over something like this... but sounds like he left because he no longer wanted to be with you since he still sees his daughter and has other children.... Just be civil with him for your daughter sake because no matter what happened between you shouldn;t affect your daughter..... Go out and meet someone new that will love and respect you the way you need
2006-12-07 13:57:50 · answer #4 · answered by evil_fallen_angel41 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For your daughter's sake you have to. Allow your daughter to see and admire the strong woman that you are and know that when life knocks us around that we have to get up, brush ourselves off and keep on going. It may cause you some pain but you have to move on from that and know that it was his loss. You know the old saying, "what goes around, comes around." But you will have to be the bigger person to your daughter. If you are spiritual, pray.
2006-12-07 13:57:11 · answer #5 · answered by uneekqamar2004 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well isn't he a idiot he couldn't take the responsibility of being a father to your daughter and has gone and landed himself in exactly the same position but with double the trouble if he couldn't handle the responsibility with you i cant see there relationship lasting. he needs the snip!
2006-12-07 14:26:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, that really is some situation...
first of all- DO NOT BE JEALOUS!!! just because he married her it doesnt mean she is better than you in any way!!!!!! it just means that they get along better with eachother, and that is better for you as well, because there is the guy out there for you who will be the same, if you are still interested in finding him. personally i wouldnt sever the connections with him because of my daughter...but try to make him as much small part of your life as possible.that way you will know you dont want him anymore, that will make you feel more steady i think. and if he ever wants to come crawling back for any reason...you will just be able to say hello and goodbye in the same sentence.
2006-12-07 13:59:58 · answer #7 · answered by Tal I 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that maybe he used that as an excuse to move on and so should you. You need to focus on your daughter and yourself and get out and meet new people. Life goes on and so should you.
2006-12-07 13:57:00 · answer #8 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont let the relationship that your daughter has with him be affected by your nonability to accept reality
2006-12-07 13:54:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hes so bad using you like that, thats why there say marriage first then do a relationship
2006-12-07 13:59:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋