I have been dating this guy for two years, He is much older and also a different race. We spend all of our free time together I even spend every night at his place. But the weekends he has his kids I go back to my apartment and we have no contact until Sunday night when he drops them off. I told him I would like to meet his kids. He has been devoice for 3 years and says his kids are not ready for him to date. I have broke things off with him in hopes that he would change his mind. Do you think he has any plans of introducing me to his family?
2006-12-07 05:41:47 · 19 answers · asked by Nikki 6 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I can see your point, but as a divorced guy, I can see his as well. He may only have short periods of time with his kids, and that time is precious.
It has nothing to do with a difference in race. Don't worry about that.
He will introduce his kids to you when he is ready. You didn't specify how old the kids are, and that may have something to do with it. Mine are still young and confused as to why I am not with their mother any longer. Adding another woman into their lives has not worked out very well, and I am very careful about who I date, and when I introduce them to.
In their eyes, no one will EVER replace their mother, and daddy dating again, only adds more confusion to the situation.
You have been together long enough that I think he should introduce you to his kids. It doesn't sound like a fly-by-night relationship, and if he wants you to be a part of his life, then he needs to let you se all of his life.
Hang in there. He will come around in time. Just be patient and understanding. The last thing you want to do is burn a bridge, especially if the relationship is/was good. Don't play the "it's either the kids or me" card. I promise you will lose to the kids. Rather, tell him you want to have the kids over of rdinner on their birthdays or set up a "chance" meeting somewhere.
Have him take the kids to a park or zoo, and then meet them there. The kids will be distracted enough from you, the situation won't be tense at all.
Be hones in your feelings with him. Tell him what you are feling and why. Open the lines of communication, but do not put his kids in the middle. Talk about the two of you and where you want the relationship to go.
Good luck
2006-12-07 05:55:24 · answer #1 · answered by bux_martinfan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps he just wants the kind of relationship you have been having. Maybe he is not looking to settle down again and by introducing you to his kids, he may feel that things could become more long term. Could he also not want anyone to know that you are a different race then he is? I think if you really need an answer, you may want to talk to him.
2006-12-07 05:46:54 · answer #2 · answered by Rosey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not obligated to introduce you to his children if he's not engaged to you or planning to marry you. The fact that you sleep with him every night doesn't mean you have a right to be included in his time with his kids. I think he's been enjoying your company without any responsibility or commitment to you and that suited him fine. I doubt very much he's going to put his relationship with his kids on the line for you - he hasn't in 2 years, why would he change his mind now?
2006-12-07 05:47:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This can be very hard for the kids,the race thing could be another facter.But he needs to let them kids know that he has moved on with his life.His kids are still living with hope that they will all be togther again.or maybe he is afraid of what the X might do.He is trying to do the right thing but somtimes the right things is not always the right thing.I think you did what you had to cause you need to feel a full part of his life.Nothing wrong with that.I wish you the best
2006-12-07 05:47:41 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should introduce you, you guys have been together for two years whats he afraid of? Th e kids will have to get over the fact that he is dating and they will this guy cant go around letting his children control his life like that. I would just question how in to you he his if he doesn't even want to introduce you to his family. have you met any other family members like bros or sis or mom and dad?
2006-12-07 05:46:32 · answer #5 · answered by Jen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Children are funny in that they are very protective of their parents once a DIVORCE happens. And for the record it's DIVORCE not DEVOICE. Maybe that's why you haven't met his children. By braking things off just proves the point that you may not be around. SO why should he introduce you to his children.
2006-12-07 05:53:22 · answer #6 · answered by Monty L 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Had the same thing happen to me, but with someone of the same race as me. He claimed 1) kids weren't ready and 2) the mother of the kids weren't ready. I told him "Bullsh*it". After 3 years of it, I broke up with him just like you did. Same thing happened with my current fiance for the first 6 months, when I told him to buck up and tell the ex about me or I walk, he decided to do just that. His kid accepted me no problem and 2 years later is bothering us to hurry up and get married. I somehow doubt your boyfriend will ever introduce you to his children, if he hasn't by 2 years, he won't. And it probably has more to do with his ex's feelings than with his kids (he is using his kids as a cop-out).
2006-12-07 05:45:36 · answer #7 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two years is too long to avoid introducing you to the kids. I completely agree with those that hold off introducing someone they are dating to their kids, until they see how the situation is going to develop...but that typically only takes a few weeks (a few mos at most)...
After 2 yrs, I'd be suspicious of his reasons...and he's not doing his kids any favors either...
2006-12-07 05:44:57 · answer #8 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have been with him for 2 years and you have not met his kids or can't see him on the weekends while he has his kids, I believe that you never will. If a man honestly loves you it would not take 2 years. You may want to re-think this relationship.
2006-12-07 05:45:35 · answer #9 · answered by uneekqamar2004 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, if he hasn't in 2 years, I don't think he has any intentions of introducing you and it certainly isn't out of line for you to want to meet them! Personally I wouldn't get back with him until he shows you you're important enough to him to introduce you to them. You deserve to be more than someone sent home on the weekends to not upset the kids. Good luck!
2006-12-07 05:46:58 · answer #10 · answered by bookerdoo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋