Is this a good peom , what do u think of it?

Question

1st


You should be my 1st ,
Cause you’re the one I love,
Of course,
We can do it all night,
Until the sun come up bright,
Knowing your in my arms tight,
Hold u for my dear life,
Hope this day will never end ,
Again,
And again .
Cause we will be the rose that grew out of the concrete,
And are life would never end.

Answer 1

In the last line - should are be our?

Anyway, I liked it - especially the rose growing up through the concrete - that's good imagery.

We can do it all night
Until the sun come up bright.
Would it be alright if
I played Barry White?

You know what it reminds me of though?:

Boom, Boom, Boom let's go back to my room.
So we can do it all night and you can make me feel right.

Oh, Oh, Oh

Boom, Boom, Boom let's go back to my room...

Answer 2

i don't want to discourage anyone from writing poetry but this one needs tons of work; spelling, grammar, content and rhythm..keep writing tho. here's an example of something i read lately that i liked

Dreamer of devotion,
A visionary of convergence,
An idealist of affection,
Craving so much.
A fantasist of someday,
A situation,
Instance,
Aspiration of lifelong assurance.

Dreamer of more than existence,
Daydreaming of improving on solitude,
I’m a quixotic of passion,
Ambition of the more than casual,
The extra ordinary,
The other sustenance.

Aspiring to be someone’s other half,
Their other reason for existence,
Their coffee in the morning,
Dessert at night,
The maraschino cherry on his
Whipped cream appetite. ©2004

Answer 3

the 'hold u for my dear life' kinda freaks me out. And use the word 'our' not 'are'
otherwise its good

Answer 4

it's an ok poem..it rhymes, kinda short lyrics..i like it though.if it's from the heart it's wonderful ma boy

Answer 5

it's beautiful
can't say anything more, it just beautiful, it rhymes, it's not too difficult to understand, and it's strait from you hart....

Answer 6

this poem if it came from the heart and if it were for me i would cry its that good