I think its time for another baby soon- but hubby doesn't. He wont even be near within 10 feet of me?!?!?!

Question

OKAY SO WE HAVE A 2 YEAR OLD AND I THINK IF WE HAVE ANOTHER ONE, IT SHOULD BE WITHIN A YEAR... MY SISTER AND I WERE 4 YEARS APART, AND I THINK WE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN ALONG BETTER IF WE WERE CLOSER IN AGE..... ANYWAYS, SINCE I MENTIONED THAT TO MY HUSBAND, HE WANTS TO USE CONDOMS (IM ON BIRTH CONTROL) AND HE THINKS ILL BE SNEAKY AND "ACCIDENTLY" GET PREGNANT.. WHCH IM NOT!! IT WAS JUST A SUGGESTION ABOUT HAVING ANOTHER KID.... ANYWAY, HOW DO WE RESOLVE THIS ? ARE ONLY CHILDREN ALRIGHT? WILL HE BE TOO SPOILED??

Answer 1

threaten him with a male hooker

Answer 2

Only children are all right, as are kids more than a few years apart in age. I've known several families where the kids are a year or two apart who just loathe each other, and I am 5 years older than my brother and 10 years older than my sister, and we get along very well. Kids nearer in age are more inclined to compete for the same role ("the baby", "the toddler", "the pre-teen") and that can be stressful too. Each kid is its own little person with its own little personality, and some personalities just don't get on together, regardless of the age gap.

Anyway, you are doing the right thing by not trying to "oops" your husband. It's a real trust-killer. That's not to say that your opinion isn't valid... could you two maybe come to a compromise? Like, not try for a baby now, but maybe next year or so?

If you end up having an only child, just try and make sure that they get exposure to other children prior to their starting school (try playgroups, hanging out with other neighborhood kids, cousins). That's really all that they lack. Spoiling is another matter, and one that's really more of your parenting style than anything else. If you try and frame your decisions based on "What will make my kid into a happy, well-adjusted adult" rather than "What will make my kid happy right this second" they'll be fine.

Answer 3

I am an only child and I turned out fine. I was never spoiled by any stretch of the imagination. My husband and I have a 7 month old little boy and I don't plan on having anymore children. Actually, our situation is the reverse of yours - my husband wants another child and I don't. I think you just sit down and have an adult conversation about the decision. It would really concern me if my husband ever thought, for one second, that I would "accidentally" get pregnant. I think it sounds like you might have a separate trust issue in your relationship. Good luck with whatever you decide. I would say that if either of you don't want another child with all of your heart, then don't have another one - it will become a point of resentment for you.

Answer 4

i'm an only child and although my mother didn't have to worry about providing for other kids also, she beat the brains out of me. She was tough and very supporting..so no only children are not spoilled unless the parent makes them. Be patient with your husband....kids who are apart in age can get along too. Dont feel like you have to have another kid right away, enjoy the one you have. When it's time for both of you to have another one it should be a joint decision. Besides bringing a baby in when you have a 2 year old can be tricky that child may feel left out when there's a baby getting all the attention. Just enjoy these moments with the 2 year old.

Answer 5

It sounds like your husband is jealous of the attention your baby gets now, and a second child will double the amount of attention he's not getting.
I know, men are weird like that.
You should probably talk to your husband about it. It may be possible that you are too stuck on being a parent and have neglected being a wife. Or this just may be an element of the male immaturity that no man ever grows out of.
I shouldn't rip on only children, but all the ones i've known have been very self-involved as adults, and freaking nightmares as children. But again, that is up to parenting and how much you make your kid the center of your universe, cos doing so will make him/her think that's how everyone sees them...

Make's me think of a great line from Sex and the City when the girls are at a baby shower in Connecticut.
Random woman at shower---"My four-year-old, Adam, is a GOD, and I tell him that everyday!"
Miranda--"Let's see some woman try to live up to that 30 years from now."

So, only children are what you make them, but I know people always appreciate growing up with siblings. Helps to deal with social situations, like school, etc.

Answer 6

I am an oly child and i love it now that i am a teenager. but when i was young, i had wished to have a brother or sister..but now I enjoy my space and alone time. but be assured only because they might be closer in age it doesn;t mean that they will get along at all..My mom's sister who was two years older than her got along the worst of all the four kids. But only children being spoiled is only an old myth...It is mainly a balancing act. You have make sure that they don't get everything they want, but do be nice to them when it is nessesary. but if you really want another child talk to your husband and tell him the whole thing was just a misunderstanding. that you are not trying to be sneaky you just want to have a kid, maybe he will understand...Hope everythig turns out OK!!!

Answer 7

The best advice I can give is you is this - "Don't worry." You should really ask your husband this. Since it is also his child to raise, he may have some concerns. I'm sure he has some ideas about this, a lot like yours. You should sit and talk about him and ask him how he feels about it. Just don't try to go behind his back or anything.

If your child does end up being an only child, the child will be fine. I know lots of only children, and they're great. Just be a good parent, and don't worry too much about it.

Answer 8

only children CAN be okay with the right parenting. however, it has been my personal experience now that i am older that only children are horribly selfish and inconsiderate of anyone but themselves. (my husband has these tendacies, his brother was way older than him)
as your husband is insisting on no more children by using a condom you have a bigger issue of communication that is the problem. he doesn't trust you.
why doesn't he want any more children? is it just right now? does he want to wait until a few years later? or is it never ever again? because of that's the case he needs to get fixed if he's that worried.
if he is willing to give you a time frame, work with him. maybe he wants a bigger house first. start saving money on your own to help him achieve that goal. little things like that.
my sister and I are four years apart and we love each other to death. and yes, i still want to strangle her sometimes. but she's my baby sister. i'd be lost without her.

Answer 9

I was an only child until I was 15. I was not spoiled at all. I have two children that are 11 years apart, and from my experience, it has been ideal. My older child doesn't need me in the same ways so she is never jealous. She is also a lot of help to me and loves her baby sister so much. I know several people who have had their kids years apart and they have grown-up to be quite close.

Answer 10

Having a child has to be a mutual decision; it sounds like it's time for some SERIOUS communication to happen between you and your husband.

As to only children - they're like any other children. If you work to raise them properly, they won't be selfish; likewise, having a second child doesn't guarantee that either one will be UNselfish. My son is an only child (I wasn't able to have more); he is really good with young kids (probably better than I am!!), is patient and very generous, and is a person who is caring and concerned for others. I think he'll make an excellent father some day.

Answer 11

My husband only wanted 1 child. I wanted at least 2. My 1stborn was 3 1/2 years old and hubby would not budge so I prayed about it. Then he changed his mind and I got pregnant within a month. Its amazing what a little faith in God can do.