When my boyfriend died, i needed a friend and i found one in his best friend. that turned into a relationship. now we have been together about a year and a half as well. i thought the only person in the world that would understand and let me grieve would be him. It's His Best friend afterall! I was with my Sweetheart for a little more that 3 years. we didnt call eachother by our names, just sweetheart, and a few other names but mostly sweetheart. and it seems he is ok. Except sometimes. At the funeral i wrote on my car "I Love You Baby 11-6-81 - 2-20-05" i don't want to take it off, even if it had been a year and a half. the other day the recemented our front area by the mail boxes, i got a stick and wrote "sweetheart i love you" although it is hardly legible. and lastly i have 3 pictures in my boyfriends apartment that i have ben sharing with him. one is my sweetheart by his self, one of the both of them and one of me and him. now life just goes about it's day usually..
2006-12-07 04:56:33 · 9 answers · asked by smokingstonersweetheart 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
But Sometimes, My Boyfriend now gets all wierd on me, and is all upset about it all. Says that that "doesn't leave much room for him".. "it's kinda rude" and "why ruin it for the next guy" "you are gonna have to get over it and get through it"
IM TRYING!
I love here i love you i want to be with you.. But i want to hold onto my sweetheart too. he was taken from me! he died from cancer, about 6 months of watching him detiriorate.. Am i so Wrong?
Am i outrageous in wanting him to understand?
Granted i probably wouldn't but i thought he would.
What do i do?
Take the writing off my car and deal with how it makes me feel? Get some cement and fix that? i can do that but the writing, man that is RUTHELESS!
I do understrand where he is coming from, but .. why? can't you except that i would still be with him right now if he wasnt dead?
am i wrong to miss him and want to dream about him and happy when i do? in the end i guess you could say i amj not ready for a relationship if i
2006-12-07 04:56:41 · update #1
if i can't take the writting off my car, but if that is the case then i will NEVER BE. I want to have something in this world with my sweethearts name on it that i can cling to.
And you know what, if the impossible did happen, like in my dreams and he somehow came back to life, i would be with both of them! and they would axcept it.. ! although it seems that my current bf has wanted to break up with me more than my last ever did, so if you think about it if that situation had happend, i would go to my sweetheart. LAstly.. he tells me last night in the middle of all this tha he has been with me as long as my sweetheart! HA! i remained silent, but sorry dear, about half the time if that! Thanks for reading all my drama!
2006-12-07 04:57:15 · update #2
COOL-K:
I do not think that my boyfriend in anyway is "turning over in his grave" I believe he had a hand in getting us together, from beyond the grave. Monumental mistakes! So i suppose i should just go kill myself to be with my sweetheart and stop hurting all the living souls in my life because i am too stubborn to get over it ?
2006-12-07 05:24:09 · update #3
NO ONE IS EVEN GONNA READ THIS QUESTION ANYMORE BUT JUST IN CASE I AM GONNA SAY THAT MY CURRENT BOYFRIEND WAS THE f*** whats the word?!?
HE PURSUED ME!! NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!
2006-12-07 05:39:17 · update #4
okay-- first off, dont try to forget about him(not that it's possible). he was someone special to you, it seems like he may have been your first love. now, firsts are very special. and it hurts when they're taken away. you need to understand the fact that they will ALWAYS be a part of your life. however, that does not mean you should make your current boyfriend feel like he has to be the shoe-in for (lets just call him sweetheart to tell them apart) sweetheart. dont make him feel like he and sweetheart have to share that one place in your heart. your heart is big-- there's room for both. guys are competitive.. make it clear that your bf doesnt have to try to top sweetheart in everything he does (such as how long you guys have been going out). now please try to move on by limiting all the things that remind you of him and eventually the time will come when you realize that he made your life happy for the duration he was here, how great he was- and you will smile; however, you'll realize all the great people you've still got. try to keep an open mind.. that day will come.
2006-12-08 08:38:59 · answer #1 · answered by Missy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The thing is, yes he was his best friend but if he can get over it then you need to as well. You can always remember the great times you had together. But your not being fair to your new boyfriend. Not at all! Imagine how you would feel if say he had an ex girlfriend that dies and he didn't want to let go. How would you feel? Im sure you would understand that what they had was something special but im sure you would feel bad. Feel hurt. Listen, it's hard to get over someone. Especially when they have died but you need to think about how your treating your boyfriend now. You need to let go. Also i don't know if you should be with anyone at all until your done grieving and holding on. It's just not fair to anyone else when it comes to a relationship. There isn't anything that can be done to bring him back. Sorry.
2006-12-07 05:19:06 · answer #2 · answered by mrd1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's sad that you lost your boyfriend, but you did make some monumental mistakes along the way.
First and foremost, if you were grieving the loss of your sweetheart this heavily, you should not have jumped into another relationship. I think it is unfair of you to expect someone to sit quietly by while you profess your love for another. If you're grieving, that doesn't leave much room for a new love.
I do understand that things happen, but your now deceased boyfriend must be turning over in his grave. It's bad enough that you jumped into a relationship soon after his death, but to seek comfort, and ultimately a relationship, with his best friend was just plain wrong.
If you and your sweetheart broke up, you wouldn't date his best friend, would you? If not, then why in the world would you do it when he dies suddenly? And you claim to still love him?
I think you need a major change of direction. If you decide to continue your relationship with your new love, you have to be fair to his feelings. Everyone has the right to grieve the loss of a loved one. But that grieving process should not stand in the way of new relationships. If it does, you're not ready. Different people have different expectations of how long grief should last. I think a year and a half is a long time. It's 50% of the time of the original relationship! Is your goal to mourn for the full 3 years that the relationship lasted?? If so, perhaps you should stay single until that time comes.
Good luck to you and my condolences.
2006-12-07 05:16:20 · answer #3 · answered by Cool-K 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It seems like you are feeling guilty for getting into a relationship so soon after your boyfriend died. If you are not ready to let that relationship go, you probably aren't ready for a new one. I can understand your new boyfriend feeling upset. If you are still focusing on your love for your deceased boyfriend, you probably don't have what it takes to be with the new one. The fact that you just wrote in the cement so recently makes it seem that you are still feeling guilty and/or obsessed about it. I'd say you should take some time to yourself and start a new relationship when you are done with at least the initial grieving process.
2006-12-07 05:02:22 · answer #4 · answered by schweetums 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't begin to understand the pain and emotional scarring your boyfriend's death caused you. However, I'm afraid no amount of writing him messages or keeping his pictures hung on your wall is going to bring him back. You should never forget him, of course, and I am sure that your new boyfriend wants to keep his memory alive just as much as you do, but to me it seems that instead of grieving for a past love, you are still quite involved and in love with him. This really doesn't leave too much room for your new boyfriend. He feels like he's always having to compete for your affection with his dead best friend, which I imagine would cause in him a strange mixture of frustration, anger, sadness, and guilt. Maybe you aren't ready to let your sweetheart go, and that is perfectly understandable, but maybe that laso means that you're not in the right place for a new relationship just yet. I have a friend who went through something similar. Her boyfriend of nearly 5 years was killed about 5 years ago, and ever since, she's just kind of gone through a string of guys who can never come close to the memory of her old love. She never really allowed herself to fully heal before trying to ease the pain by getting into a new relationship. Maybe you owe it to yourself, your new boyfriend, and your sweetheart himself to put this new relationship on hold until you're really truly able to love again.
2006-12-07 05:08:30 · answer #5 · answered by fizzygurrl1980 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He just doesn't understand girl and he never will. He has never walked in your shoes. That writing on your car is special and you should keep it there. I am sorry to hear about your loss. Wives that lost their husbands during 911 still kept pictures around in their homes..their new husbands accepted them. Your boyfriend that passed away is always in your heart though so don't worry no one can ever take that away!!!
2006-12-07 05:01:41 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am so sorry for your loss, i dont know what would happen to me if i lost me "pooh bear" thats what i call him see. if he was his so called "best friend" then why is he getting edgy when you are simply paying tribute to your sweetheart? i would get a tatoo with sweetheart and the dates of his lifeline. i dont care who you are you cant just let go of something like that. your current boyfriend needs to get a grip and stop acting childish
2006-12-07 05:00:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
girl u are not ready to be in a relationship
u need to break up with him
allow yourself time to grieve
2006-12-07 05:01:59 · answer #8 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
pray bout it ....it will be ok....maybe you arent ready for a realtionship....
2006-12-07 05:00:37 · answer #9 · answered by sexyandsingle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋