I would really like some muslim woman to answer this, PLEASE?

Question

when you are entered into an arranged marrige are you happy? how do you deal with it? and would you leave if you had a way out. I know it's about tradition and culture and im assuming some people are happy, but the concept is really foreign to me and im curious. Please dont take offense to what i said and report me if i said something wrong please tell me what THANK YOU

Answer 1

And break the code of silence ?

Answer 2

No you aren't being offensive.
Arranged marriages are very misunderstood and no its not culture its religion. An Islamic marriage to muslim women is a very beautiful thing. So thins is what basically happens. Lets say theres a young muslim woman who thinks she is ready to get married. She is done with college or whatever and is a point in life where marriage is the next step. During these years the parents keep their eyes open for a nice boy and his family. The woman might be interested in a muslim guy and tell her parents about it. The girl's parents will go to the guys family (or vice versa) and the two families and the children will get together for dinner or tea or some other gathering and talk. The muslim boy and girl would talk on the phone or email and meet with their families and see how compatible they would be. She would have her scarf on her head during the visits. He would be respectful to her. They might get engaged. Some of my muslim girlfriends have been engaged for 2 years some for 6 months. Whenever they are comfortable and ready they get engaged and married. The woman MUST agree to the marriage and there MUST be witnesses for her. In Islam, it is illegal to marry without her consent. Also, the girl and guy are virgins until they get married. With aranged marriages the people are saved from pain of breaking up and the stress of dating and the disrespect from guys, unplanned pregnancies, and soo soo much more. Ofcourse she can have a divorce but its discouraged especially if you have children. you try to work it out and then divorce.
That's basically it. Email me if you have anymore questions.
peace

Answer 3

An arranged marriage has nothing to do with the religion itself. It's more cultural than anything else. I'm an American and I chose my husband all by myself. :)

Now for those cultures that do the arranged marriage kind of thing, the woman does get a choice and she can say no. However, there are some places that are very strict about the arranged marriage such as parts of India, where the woman does not have a way out and even when she wants to get out she goes back to her parents' house and they tell her she must go back to her husband because of the family honor. Some of the women end up killing themselves because their husband is an abuser and they would rather die than live that way.

Answer 4

Allow me to clarify that Muslim women do choose who they want to marry, sure they don't go out and date, basically I always found that dating thing a waste of time, even before I became Muslim. What I am saying is that they do not have to say yes, although there are some who will marry who they're parents tell them to.
Both of my marriages were arranged. The first ended in divorce, and we still do not get along, and my ex arranged my second marriage to his best friend and we've been married for 22 years now.
I was not happy in my first marriage. I am very happy in my second marriage.
I met him in a hotel lobby when I was supposed to convince this other American girl to marry him, it never worked out. After that my ex attempted to marry him off to his sister that didn't work out either. I was a last resort, and was he hogswoggled when he found out my husband fell in love with me, it wasn't part of his plan, which was to use me to bring him to the states, we get divorced, and he finds him a more suitable marriage partner.
It's called the marriage of convenience.
Most Americans who enter into a marriage like that end up getting burnt pretty badly.
I married my husband after meeting him only once, didn't see him for four months, nary a single phone, call, and or letter - my ex was trying to marry him to his sister; I was whisked on a plane to Jordan, we had a quicky wedding in a Jordanian courthouse and that was all she wrote 22 years ago. These 22 years I would not trade for all the gold in the, no, I hate gold, silver in the world.
On the whole Arabs enter into quick marriages like mine, but it is very rare, my type of marriage is never heard of.
Arabs like Americans prefer engagements so they can get used to each other.
This concept is odd to a lot of people, it's right for me because like I said before I thought dating was for the birds way before I converted, and or even knew about Islam.
No worries I don't feel the slightest bit offended.

Answer 5

I'm a Muslim woman and my marriage was not an arranged one. Just like you said its a tradition and a cultural thing not an Islamic one. My husband brothers and sister had arranged marriages though but not the kind that you are probably thinking. When his brother was ready to marry he told his mother and his sister they talked together about the women they knew and suggested a certain young lady. They met and both liked each other, and met several times getting to know each other. When they "both" felt they had gotten to know each other enough to think about marriage they discussed between themselves and my brother in law asked her father for her hand in marriage. It was accepted and they had a year long engagement to further make sure its what they both wanted. They are now the proud parents of 2 children and very happy. In the time of there engagement they both had the opportunity to say "I've changed my mind" there would have been no shame or sin on either party. Arranged marriages are not a poor unawares girl forced to marry a man she has never set eyes on. Its an introduction if anything, no one is forced, they still have a courtship and time to make there minds up.

Answer 6

I am not married so cant really answer your question. All of the Muslim women who I know that have had arranged marriages, are very much in love and happy.

If a marriage is arranged according to Islam then the women has a choice, if she want to marry the man or not.

Thank you for your question, you have said nothing wrong. take care xxx

Answer 7

Peace be to you,

when i got married it was set up by friends of mine and my husband, we had one meeting where we spoke about impotant issues like children, leaveing the UK, ect... twhen we finished we prayed a prayer called the prayer of guidance were u put ur trust in God u say if this is good for me bring it but if it is bad tae it away.

If family agange a marriage 4 u both parties have to agree if not u cannot be forced the prphet mohamed pbuh did not encourage this.



I was looking for someone very religious and all prasie beto god thatswhat i got. loos are not too important to me but obviously u have to be attracted to the individual... and if i want a divorce it is my right to do so...

Answer 8

Salaam alikoum sister. I had many men ask for my hand in marraige (through my family and my parents). My family asks the man and his family questions regarding his character, and how he behaves, if he is ambitious etc... My family then talked with me about them. If I was interested, I could agree to meet the man in the company of my family- say for dinner or for tea/coffee- whatever. We could all talk and get to know one another.
I was lucky enough to have a good friend who I grew up with be interested in me, and I knew him and loved him already. So it was easy for me, thanks to Allah that my family loves him too.
As a muslim woman I am in agreement with arranged marraige, because the man is not using you for sex, or for fleeting things.

My sister accepted an arrangement with a man she had never met before. They had three months before their wedding day and they spoke on the telephone and really grew to know one another deeply. By the day of their wedding she was crying she was so happy. He loves her and treats her like a princess. They have been married 12 years.

A lot of my classmates are American and they date for many years, even live with their boyfriends, and then the boyfriend just leaves. Many are just having fun, sleeping around, going to clubs and bringing a differant boy home everynight. Others, are "looking for Mr.Right" and spend a long time going without marraige.
Although it seems strange to people - to me the open-ness of sexuality and the running around from man to man to man seems strange.
In the end: the Muslim woman has the final say of who she chooses. (at least in my culture!)

Answer 9

i will tell you from expriences i know. many muslim women like the idea of someone come to their house asking for her hand, they find it easier, better than going to a bar or a club of which never sure if a man really want to get married or just play around.

arrange marriage is not like how they show it to you in the movies of which the bride enter a room were to find her husband who she never met. it's not like that. arrange marriage are more prefered, flexible, and more honor to the woman.

Answer 10

i know so Many ppl in my Arabic countery marry that way and have a successful , happy life!!.
and it is not obligation to accept the man who is porposing, she and him too , has the right to say yes or no.

Answer 11

Any Muslim woman who has had an arranged marriage would not be allowed on the Internet either....yes??