A gay female friend of mine has asked me if I would be a donor for her and her partner so they can have a child. She said there is nobody she would rather have as father to her baby & couldnt with someone anonymous.
I have no kids yet and would like to one day, but with someone I love and as part of a family.
She said I would have no financial responsibility & I could see him/her whenever I want, and even wants them to have my surname because she doesnt like her own.
Im flattered that she would ask me to do this, but its a life changing thing. She hasnt slept with a guy for 18 years, but would with me to have her baby.
I dont think I should do it, but Im 34 now. I know thats not old, but time is still ticking & what if I dont meet that right person for me and dont ever have kids. Will I regret saying no in the future?
2006-12-07 03:03:37 · 16 answers · asked by Wings 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Honestly, it sounds to me like you have already made your decision. I think that you care about this friend and would like to see it happen for her, but that you aren't comfortable with the situation. You are right...34 is not old. You have plenty of time to meet someone and become a father, especially being a guy. Your clock will tick a lot longer than a woman's. If you did this, it wouldn't be your child as in the parent child relationship. They say you can see the child whenever you want, but I am guessing only as "an uncle". I am divorced and have joint custody with my ex and that is so hard. You sound like the kind of person that would truly want to be involved in your child's life and this situation would be harder than my joint custody situation. I'm afraid it may cause you a lot of heart break, but you are the only one that knows how you truly feel. Best wishes.
2006-12-07 03:27:16 · answer #1 · answered by maxsmom120304 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gosh..... what a dilemma! And how flattering like you said. Its very difficult to comment and obviously its impossible to know what I would do if placed in a similar situation if I was a man!! However, looking at it from the outside and looking at it logically, I wouldn't do it. In theory it sounds uncomplicated but in fact, it could lead to all kinds of complications especially if one day you do settle down with the woman of your dreams and you do want a child together. This could lead to relationship problems and jealously issue with the children. You also mention sleeping with this woman to have the child. chances are she isn't going to get pregnant first time round. Some couples try regularly for a baby for months sometimes even years. So how many times do you plan on sleeping together and how is that going to make her partner feel? There are too many complications and risks involved in this and more importantly, there are thousands off unwanted children and babies out there in desperate need of a loving home. Why don't you suggest your friend considers adopting a baby instead?
2006-12-07 03:17:57 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that is a tough decision. One thing for sure is that if you decide to go through with this, you will always be connected to the mother and the child. You are the child's father and he/she would probably want a relationship with you. I think you should talk with family and friends, but most of all it is a decision for you to make and I would definitely take some time in deciding what to do. You could also possibly try to find someone who has gone through with something like this and see how much it has affected their life. Good luck to you.
2006-12-07 03:12:27 · answer #3 · answered by Mommy of 2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say follow your instincts.
If you want to do it, do it because you want to help a friend, not because you feel time is running out for you. Your still in your prime and Im sure Ms Rite is round the corner waitin to be Mrs. The child will be yours biologically but at the end of the day, how many rights will you have, if you do it accept that you may not always get to play a part in its life. What if she meets someone? Im not saying do it or don't do it, just make sure you guard yourself.
Good luck
2006-12-07 03:22:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is an absolute tough one, they may be sweetness and nice now but when the baby's born you may not get a look in, imagine if they want to move away and you have to stop seeing him/her
I suppose it would be like having a child with someone after you have split up, you will have no rights over the child once it is born,
I think I would ask her to marry me before the baby is born just for the legal side of everything that way you will have equal rights to the child in all aspects.
Good luck
2006-12-07 03:15:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like although you are flattered, you don't really want to do it.
The reason for doing it shouldn't be because you are worried you won't have children of your own. This won't be your child to look after, and circumstances could change meaning you don't get to see the child much.
34 really isn't that old. You still have many years to meet someone and have your own children. Things can happen very quickly when you meet the right person!
2006-12-07 03:34:10 · answer #6 · answered by Ricecakes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa! hang on a minute, theres a child involved in all this, you have considered your feelings and your gay Friends feelings, what about the child's? you could be making a decision based on selfishness, think of the baby for gods sake, and also your family, how would your parents feel? grandad grandma?? there is a lot more to consider here than you think, a baby cant make the decision who its parents are going to be.
2006-12-07 03:34:14 · answer #7 · answered by Sue C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In Sweden biological fathers who donated sperm are now having to pay maintenance for the children created for women who they do not know and involving the children they have never seen In the politically correct nanny state we are now living in you could find yourself paying and remember even if your friend refuses to name you a DNA test will be made and what with the new Bio ID Cards and Police Records of even the innocent you will be found
2006-12-07 03:21:44 · answer #8 · answered by beaugeste 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one, but I think you should do it. Even when (I say "when" because I NEVER think negative!) you have your own, you will still be content with knowing the immense joy you gave your friend, not to mention the child she will have. Do what you know is best for all considered, the future will fall into place all in good time.
2006-12-07 03:12:59 · answer #9 · answered by INDRAG? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u already know the answer as u answered it urself by saying "i dont think i should do it". Its nice that she asked u but think of it in the long run. She might turn nasty then what? you still have plenty of time to find "the one" and have kids. Dont do it coz u feel u'll be letting her down otherwise. Think of the child too
2006-12-07 03:13:13 · answer #10 · answered by mishnbong 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋