Same as below, problem with 7 year old daughter!!?

Question

My 7 year old daughter is beyond fresh. Tells me (daily) she hates me when she doesn't get her way. Just refuses to obey. I've tried typical punishments, taking away toys, grounding, spanking, to no avail. She seems to think its her way or NO WAY. She hits me, throws things, screams, cries. Any suggestions before I really lose it?

Answer 1

When she hits you call the police I did that to mine we live in a small community and the police came and never had a problem again and he is 17 now. If that doesn't work call and ask about behavior modification or counseling though Mental Health or maybe they could direct you to the right people or persons

Answer 2

Coming from a mom with 3 girls (ages 3, 7, and 10) I know what your going though. My oldest tried this with us when she was around 8. Your not alone, nor are your helpless. This is the turning point for girls, they can get quite nasty at this age (as we both know). It will take a bit of time, but you need to be FIRM with her. Draw a line, and don't let her cross it. The key to being firm is to remain calm, there is a certain power in calmness that children pick up on.

I have always found discipline followed up with a consequence, then topped off with more discipline works best. The discipline which works best for me is communication (talks, very long talks on what acceptable behavior is, and what is not) for the consequence, try time outs, long time outs, taking favorite toys away, grounding, and spanking (my old reliable, lol)
For more of the minor things such as pouting, not doing what is asked right away (anything you would consider minor). I would do what we call our 3 strikes rule. First time=warning, Second=taking toy, or privilege away, Third=spanking (I will explain the spanking, on how to make them always work later). With my oldest 2 daughters, I have only had to give one spanking each for our 3 strikes policy. They always do what is asked after the warning.

OK next, draw up a list of "Core Rules" which can't be broken. These are things that you NEED her to stop ASAP, have her help you come up with the list.
For your situation the list would look kind of like this

1. No Hitting
2. No Throwing things
3. No Screaming
4. No Back talk, or what you describe as being "beyond fresh"

Post these rules on a wall where everyone can see them. Also post a copy in her room. To break any of your "Core Rules" earns her a spanking. Don't feel bad about enforcing this punishment, you gave her every opportunity to correct the behavior, she chose not to. Now I don't know how you currently spank her but I would strongly advise that if it's not done correctly the behavior will just continue. I recommend you make her go sit on her bed and think about why she has earned a spanking. Then have a quick talk to ensure she understands why she is being punished (REMEMBER TO REMAIN CALM, NEVER SPANK IN ANGER). Then take her pants and panties down (very important, you will be amazed how much better your results are by doing this) put her over your lap and spank her bottom at least a good dozen or more times. If you don't make her spanking a bad experience don't bother doing them, they won't work. That's why it's a must to pull down pants and panties first. It's OK for children to be crying hard after a good spanking, that's the way it's suppose to be.
After she has calmed down go have a little talk about how this type of behavior will not be acceptable anymore and that you love her to much to allow it. Don't forget lots of hugs, and kisses (very important!!!)

I know it's tuff now, and it might get harder for the short term, but I have to say, It will work, if you put in the time with her.

Best of Luck to you

Answer 3

I read that you tried spanks and they didn't work. That is usually the case. Although spanking is easy, it's not fun for the parent and it doesn't change the behavior long-term. Here's a website that can give you many ideas. What I would do is put her in time-out every single time she breaks your established rules. She gets out after 7 minutes and tells you she's sorry and states the rule she broke. On the flip side, you've got to reinforce her when she's being good. Many kids misbehave for the attention, even if its negative. Praise her and play what she wants when she's good!!! Best of luck.

Answer 4

I liked time out therapy when my kids were small. Before it gets to the stage of name calling; if a child refuses on the second command to do as she or he is told, then are removed to their bedroom and told to stay there. If they don't stay where they are put, return the child to the bedroom and hold onto the door handle. Ignore the screams, the abuse, the door kicking and most of all avoid talking to the child while they are in time out. That just adds confrontation. They say "the experts" It should be 1 minute for every year your child is so 7 mins after it has gone quiet before you open the door and let them out. DO NOT LOCK the door while they are in their room, this can create fear. Just hold the door handle closed shut and remember no speaking to them. I reckon if you adopt this form of punishment within a couple of days things will begin to quiten down. Good Luck. :)

Answer 5

It sounds like some type of learning disability. The short version is that he thinks and learns differently. My 7 year old son has some very similar gaps. In some areas he is at 5 years old and other areas he is 12. Our school has done some testing along with a private physiologist who does educational testing. From these test results we cam up with an educational plan to help him. The Focus is not only getting him to grade level but give him the tools to work with his disability. It is a slow process but in 9 months we have seen some progress.

Answer 6

I too have a daughter with the same problems.My daghter was 5 when she started hitting on me. She is now 10.My daughter has ADHD. Attention Defieciet Hyper ActiveDisorder.It is only a small step to take.Giving the signs you discribe about your daughter she could very well have it too.Call a child thearapist and schedule an appt just to evaluate your child.Sometimes when they act that way it's not anything you have done it is just that children with ADHD get so jittery inside they try to compensate by haveing their way. Hang in there and try talking to a thearapist to see if she has ADHD and if she does the earlier you treat it the better.

Answer 7

Take or remove everything that she likes in and out of the house for a few weeks, and I'm sure things will change. But "YOU" have to stick with it! DON'T GIVE IN!!...even if shes good for a few days. Set a punishment time table and stick with it.
And for her hitting you.....You must snatch her up real quick! When shes not expecting it, look her in the eye with your craziest look and tell her "that will be the last time you put your hands on me, and if you do it again, I'm calling the police..If she does, call the police (if you know a cop it better) then tell her this is what happens when you put your hands on another person..Talk to the police before they come in the house, and ask them to put some fear into her....It worked for me and I have boys! Good Luck!

Answer 8

It sounds like she's angry or emotionally wounded about something. She could just be a really sensitive person, and needs help in learning to deal with herself. Either way, a counsellor would definitely help here.

Depending on her personality, she might not give you the time of day and communicate properly until she's been able to talk to someone neutral. This does NOT mean you are a failure as a parent. You have a challenging personality to deal with it, and you will figure her out if you keep trying. Even if she's angry at you, she knows she is loved as long as you keep trying.

When she acts up, just act really bored and ignore it. Give her lots of attention otherwise, and be very consistent about doing what you say you are going to do.

I was going to suggest that you make a special time for just the two of you to do stuff and hang out, just to be sure she feels valued, but if she's angry with you, she might just throw it back in your face. It's something to keep in mind for the future though if you make headway with a counsellor.

Answer 9

Lock her up. In her room or whatever, I mean. Be sure to take out everything but the bed and such. Just leave her in there. From time to time, go to the door and ask her to do a few chores. If she makes a fuss, leave her there. If no fuss, let her do the chores but keep a close eye.
Another idea is to deny her everything, and tell her that if she doesn't like it, she can go buy her OWN house, get her OWN food, get her OWN job, and then she can have everything her OWN way. Otherwise, tell her its your rules, and she has to live with it.
Finally, you can go ahead and treat her as harshly as she acts to you. She throwing things? She isn't getting anything. She screaming? She isn't going anywhere. She disobeys? Then she just doesn't get to use normal things in the house.
Thats all I have for the moment.

Answer 10

Sounds like a rage issue. Possibly a mental or chemical imbalance. Seek therapy and find out what is wrong. Check into the mental not just the physical signs. This problem may not be organic. It may be psychological. High functioning autistics can act that way at times. If you have tried everything else consider this route next.

Answer 11

My daughter used to be the same way. Once she realised she wasnt boss and that she was losing all privelleges she began to lighten up.
I gave her a chair that she had to sit it , I called it her naughty chair. She wasnt allowed to watch cartoons etc, and every time she would say she hated me, or hit me, she would have to sit in that chair. I talked to her explaining that this would happen everytime. DO NOT give into her cries, or pleading etc, they learn to take advantage of that. If she screams or carries on then she sits in it longer , No pencils etc, just has to sit. Then once she has calmed down I talk to her calmly asking if she is ready to behave now. Gradually it became better.
Dont expect results over night or even a week but from my expereince it really helped life out. Good luck.