casual sex?

Question

Well ive been messing around with my friend... weve known each other for a year now and were close but there was always a tension between us. Well today I dunno what came over me but i let him have sex with me... I dunno, i just wanted it, but i dont love him or care about him. However now i feel really empty, because it was meaningless. Is there any way to enjoy a casual relationship with someone you really dont want a real relationship with, while remaining unaffected emotionally by it? I repeat, i dont want a relationship with him, i just feel kinda empty afterwards. I dont understand why i feel this way, and i hope things wont change. How do i make it okay?

hes away this weekend and then im away from sunday through next week, then we break up for christmas and he goes home (he lives in another country) so i wont see him for a while, which makes it wierder

I am not so much confused about him as about the whole thing. I thought it would feel better than this, yup ive only had sex with one guy before him and that was a 2 year relationship. Anyway me and this guy talked everything through first, nobody was being decieved, we both knew it was just physical.

Yes, we used a condom

when i say i dont care for him, i mean i could never love him as a boyfriend

Answer 1

Tell him exactly how you feel. Maybe he'll feel the same way and that empty feeling will go away. Theres nothing wrong with casual sex, everyone has their needs. Good luck!

Answer 2

For some people, love and sex are synonymous. You might not have realized it before now, but it simply could be that you consider sex an emotional experience, and when you don't have feelings for someone sex is not satisfying for you.

There is no shame in that, it's simply the type of person you are. Some people can have casual sex without a second thought, while others feel wrong about it. If you felt empty after the experience, there's a good chance you'll never enjoy casual sex. You should probably stick with relationships.

I would just tell your friend the truth- honesty really is the best policy. However, there is no need to be overly honest to the point of hurting your friend's feelings. Simply say you're not comfortable with the idea of having casual sex anymore. You tried it, and it's not for you.

Hopefully your friend will be mature enough to continue the friendship without any hard feelings. Good luck.

Answer 3

Maybe its because you feel used by the whole experience? Perhaps deep down you know its not what you want but somehow you feel pressurised to keep the relationship strong or perhaps you are confusing feelings of closeness through friendship with sexual attraction? Personally I don't think no strings casual sex is very fulfilling as it lacks intimacy and makes sex purely a physical thing which is somewhat limited. At the end of the day you have to do what feels right for you and if having sex with this guy doesn't make you feel good then don't do it. Perhaps you do actually want to take things further than you realise and maybe this is why just having sex with him left you feeling this way. Either way think things through fully next time before taking action that could have serious consequences, at the very least you could have spoilt what sounds like a long term friendship and worse case you could have contracted an STD or became pregnant. I think you need to keep friendship and sex separate personally but ultimately it is something you will have to decide for yourself. Just be careful not to be used by this person, especially if you feel you were manipulated into having sex by him using your friendship as some kind of pivotal deal breaker. Play safe at all times and follow your heart. Consider finding someone to have a proper and fulfilling relationship which you get your sexual needs satisfied within instead of this no strings 'fun' (which doesn't sound a whole lot of fun now!).

Answer 4

It's a very difficult situation and usually when people do have relationships with benefits there becomes the usual emotions in any relationship; ie: jealousy, dishonesty etc. As in any relationship an open mind and honest communication is required. If you are feeling empty at the end of the day then your instincts are probably telling you to question what you are doing. Do some soul searching and see if these are the morals that you were raised with and hopefully you will be honest with yourself with what you find. You can talk with this male and let him know and ask how he felt at the end also. Best of luck.

Answer 5

If you are a "typical" woman you will develop feelings for him if you continue to have sex with him. I have a best male friend who prior to meeting and marrying my husband I use to have "casual" sex with. When it first started I liked him as a friend, we had a good time when together and there wasn't a thing on this earth we couldn't tell one another or talk about. Then one night when we were out to dinner things just happened. Granted my friend is just jaw dropping gorgeous none of that attracted me to him it was his friendship that kept us coming around one another. After the first couple of times although it felt good I felt empty when it was over {i felt dirty and cheap}, by the 2 or 3rd month I'd get jealous if he was out with other women because he was "MY" friend. By the end of the 3rd month I think I had fallen for him. Things will change my friend and I didn't want them to change and they did. Ive been married now for 2 yrs and a few months back my best friend {who is living with this girl that will never be good enough for him, she just doesn't treat him well} told me that he wished I had not given up on him that our "relationship" had come into his life when he was confused and he now wanted more, which I can not and will not give him. I hope you understand what I am saying. Friends with benefits are great but be prepared for all the emotions that go along with it.

Answer 6

Sometimes, it is impossible for certain people to have meaningless sex. Some people can do it and not think twice about it. It just all depends on what type of person you are. The act of sex is a very close and intense thing. That you have trouble doing it with someone you don't want a relationship with is not a bad thing. It just means that aside from the moment of pleasure, sex for you needs to be something more.

If you want to keep having mindless, meaningless sex, just do it often enough and eventually you won't care anymore. The problem with that will be that we you do get into a relationship with someone you care about, you will have trained yourself to not feel any closeness or meaning about sex.

Answer 7

Make sure he just wants casual sex as well. It can be tricky, what do you do ring him up and say I fancy sex come over in 5 mins oh but I won't stay the night because it is a bit too interment. You should enjoy the pleasure, the emptiness is becuase you are not thinking about just sex. To you sex was love making. This is probably because of your past relationship being your only one!!

Answer 8

Try thinking of it as just something you do together because you like each other and enjoy giving each other pleasure. The only problem might be if one of you starts getting emotionally involved and the other one isn't. But if you can both keep to enjoying it on a friendly, 'f*ckbuddy' basis, it's a pretty good way to pass the time.

After all, as Woody Allen said, "Sex without love is an empty experience. But as empty experiences go, it's one of the best."

Answer 9

guess you've learned the hard way that casual sex is just a physical experinece.. no emotions, no love, no spirituality..

yes, it makes sence that you feel empty.. having had meaningful loving sex with this other guy in your past 2 year relationship. i can only assume that the sex you had was about love..

i guess the question you really need to ask yourself, is why did you want this casual sex with a guy you didn't love? ..once you sort out your thoughts, hopefully you will be able to accept what you did and learn from it.

personally, i'd never have sex with someone i didn't love.. it just doesn't make any sense to do that, especially with a friend.

Answer 10

Hi there,

Well of course you feel empty, as you are a woman you can not really separate body and mind how men do.
We Women are always complaining about how men treat us but when is going to change if do the same dirty stuff what they do.
Please don't take anything in a bad way,all I'm saying is that there is other way to make yourself happy.
Sex changes everything,especially between friends!
Do not risk a good friend!

All the best:
B.

Answer 11

See me personally I can't have sex with a person without getting emotionally attached. It might be that you do want so much more just not with this person. If you really don't want things to change between you to I say leave it alone. Just think if your feeling empty now after sex how will you feel months later.