I have been seeing a guy in his 30's for about a month now. He seems genuine. We just spent the week-end together and have been e-mailing and texting most days. We live 100 miles but my work takes me near to where he lives once a week. He says he is interested and wants to see me but I feel he blows hot and cold. He came out of an 8 year relationship a year ago and I am the first woman he has been out with since. When I am with him, I subtly make the first ie holding hands or kissing him and he happily responds. I don't know if he is shy or if he just isn't that interested. He has not complemented me on my appearance (I always make an effort to look good) and I just feel that at this stage it is supposed to be moving on a bit. Confused or what?????????????
2006-12-07 01:31:10 · 22 answers · asked by Sarah 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think this guy is being guarded because of his last relationship. He obviously wants to take things slow and is unsure. He likes you but he's being careful. That's how it seems to me anyway. Did his last relationship end badly? I mean, 8 years is a long time and they say it takes half as long as you were with the person to fully get over them so that could be for years in his case. My advice to you would be to keep things casual and at a slow pace. Enjoy your weekends together and enjoy seeing him but at this stage, don't push for anything more. Just enjoy your time together and see how it goes. Good luck.
2006-12-07 01:43:03 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he's just holding back a bit, he's not long come out of an 8 year relationship remember. If he wasn't interested then he wouldn't respond at all so it's not that. You haven't been seeing each other long at all, especially if you only see him once a week. After being in an 8 year relationship, he's probably forgotten what it's like to be in the dating stage of a relationship, holding hands, etc & has probably lost some confidence. Give him some time & take the lead a bit, he'll soon come round.
2006-12-07 01:39:03 · answer #2 · answered by EmmaB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's obviously not sure if you are the one for him. Fair enough. Give it more time. Don't put pressure on him. He has the right to be wary - his last relationship probably caused him a great deal of sadness and he wants the next one to be the right one. You are dealing with a serious guy here, I think if you show sensitivity and patience you will be rewarded. There are no rules about relationships - it will move on when both partners are ready. If he is still unsure in 6 months time then maybe you should start to look elsewhere.
2006-12-07 02:01:56 · answer #3 · answered by Peace 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're feeling confused image how he's feeling! It's takes a long time to get over a long relationship. It's also quite difficult to get back into the dating game. It seems he's forgotten how to communicate well with a woman in a relationship. How did his relationship end? This may have a vast impact on how he relates to you. If you're really interested in him then I think it's about time you asked where you stand and what you both want out of a relationship. Take it easy though you don't want to push him away if you have feelings for him. Good communication is the key to a good relationship. Good luck!
2006-12-07 01:38:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two choices: tell him how you are feeling or say nothing and see how it goes. the suggestions may seem direct but that really is the best way. if he doesn't know how you are feeling how can he reasure you that things are ok? calm down on the "supposed to be moving on a bit" things go at the pace which is intended, if you guys are gonna be together for ever you've got all the time in the world. the early days are always the most romantic-enjoy it!!! Good luck!x
2006-12-07 01:45:16 · answer #5 · answered by zoezeph 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you ask him to go away for the weekend with you - maybe tell him you're desperate for a break and none of your friends can make it etc. If he agrees, while you're away you will have a better idea of how he reacts to you with the stress of day to day living out of the equation. You may even feel more comfortable about asking him his thoughts on the relationship. If he doesn't want to go without a good reason it would look like he's scared of committment - not a huge problem in itself if you decide he's worth the time it might take to bring him round.
Anyways, good luck with it!
2006-12-07 01:37:00 · answer #6 · answered by flyingconfused 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is just trying to go slow and not get too involved too fast, which I think is fine. My bf is like that too, at first I always had to make the first moves because he's just shy and (in his own words) "get kinda stupid around pretty girls"... mind you this guy is 32 LOL! But as a little more time goes by (little over a month) he's gotten more comfortable being affectionate both in private and in public :)
If you really like him, just be patient and see how things go. If you don't feel he's worth your while then don't bother. Only you know how patient you are willing to be :)
2006-12-07 01:43:50 · answer #7 · answered by zmj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps he doesn't want to rush things. It has only been a month and some people prefer to take things easy in the beginning, especially if you are the first person he has been seeing since his break up. The best way to know for sure what he is thinking is to ask him - its the only way you'll find out!
2006-12-07 01:35:52 · answer #8 · answered by Lost and found 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would step back slightly and evaluate the situation from outside view, protect your heart and wait and see don't give it to much this early on specially with his behaviour being so erratic take a rain check on things in a couple of weeks and if it's still the same, i would ask him if he's really ready or whether it's a none starter.
2006-12-07 02:24:43 · answer #9 · answered by Landsend2006 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess getting involved with someone who lives 100 miles away is a nice gentle way to get back into dating.
Why does it have to move on, can u not just enjoy the moment and what will be will be.
It's not a criticism just a suggestion
2006-12-07 01:46:18 · answer #10 · answered by sammyantha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋