I can't beleive my neighbor said this to me! Why do people think this?

Question

I asked a question yesterday (you may look it up) about a problem with my neighbor's son visiting my home and acting very rougish and failing to listen to even the most basic of requests. Anyway, I went and talked to the mother in a very neutral fashion, and told her about how her 3 year old comes over and calls me names, tells me to shut the hell up, and says things like "yada yada yada!!" really loud when I am trying to speak to him or even my own children.

I simply told her, "whatever he does at home is none of my business, and how he treats you is none of my business (he goes off on his mother worse than he speaks to me. PLUS his mother only finds the behavior cute and does not discipline him) but when he comes in my home, I expect him to respect my home and my rules. At my house, we don't walk on dining room tables, speak sideways to adults, swear, and swing from shower curtain rods like spider monkeys...."

Well, she says that's how kids are SUPPOSED to act, and laughs?? WTF

I mean, I got my behind straight HANDED TO ME for WAY less that these little shenanigans this little hellian pulls off. Smatmouthing any adult, especially my mamma, would have gotten me an instant slap in the mouth. She doesn't beleive in spanking kids, and that's fine by me...but why do people think it's totally fine to let them act like a troupe of primates? I beleive in whoopings, and her kids and mine are like night and day. Even if she doesn't spank them, she needs to find some form of discipline that works for her then, because she has a future thug/criminal on her hands.

Answer 1

Simple. Don't allow him in your house anymore. You have a right to decide who is and isn't welcome in your home, especially if they don't have any respect for you while there. Obviously talking with the mom didn't have any effect (surprise, surprise, lol), so you need to just put an end to it yourself by not allowing him over.

Answer 2

Sadly, not everyone views parenting the same way. Whereas you may see his 3 year old behavior as offensive and downright rude ( I do too), evidently his mother does not see it that way. I would presume that you will also have a hard time convincing her of that. Most parents do get very defensive when thier children are being criticized, no matter how you "soften the blow" in your delivery.

So, my best suggestion would be to not invite her child into your home. If he is not going to change, which at 3 years old, how would he, without serious behavior modification shown to him by his parent? Spare yourself the agony of putting up with it.

Maybe after enough people telling her what you told her, and not in the nice way that you used, she will get the hint. Maybe when he is old enough to be in school and his teachers start complaining about it, then his mother will get the hint. Lastly, maybe once he becomes a juvenile delinquent from having ZERO parental control of his bad behavior, THEN his mother will finally understand what you tried to tell her years ago!

Good luck!

Answer 3

Just like everyone else is saying when that child comes over and starts acting up, tell him that in your house people don't act the way your acting and send him home. Maybe he'll get the hint and at least try to act right over at your house, if not, don't let him back in your house. He may only be 3 but he should be set straight when he acts up. As for why the mom thinks his behavior is cute, who knows, I just know that in a few years she may want to curtail this behavior and find it's way too late! She will for sure be in for a very rude awakening. Can you imagine how bad that kid will be in a couple of years? It makes me cringe just thinking about it!

Answer 4

His mother is very selfish, and would rather be lazy then actually put the effort into disciplining her child. Children are not suppose to swear at their neighbors or their parets. She is just idiotic and shes going to say "thats how kids act" just so she doesnt have to deal with the problem which takes alot more work then the neglectful woman wants to do. Shes an idiot and id distance myself from her, and id keep your kids away from hers in the future or else your going to have one bad influence influencing your kids.

Answer 5

That's how kids are supposed to act? No, but that's how they will act if you don't start teaching them better from a young age. If she refuses to parent her child she will pay for it in the long run but there's no reason why you should have to put up with that. Tell her if she thinks it's so cute she should have not problem handling some more of that "cuteness" since you won't deal with it. Good luck.

Answer 6

I would give the kid a chance.If he's going to be in your house he has to follow your rules (the same ones your children follow).I babysit a little boy who gets a way w/ a lot @ home and talks back to his family.But when he is @ my home he follows the same rules my children do or he gets punished.(His mother knows I punish him.I wouldn't do it w/o her knowledge).He's a different kid when around my family.And my father would have never let my brother and I get away w/ talking disrespectful to our mother either.(or anyone else)If he still doesn't follow your rules band him from your house for a certain amount of time.Then give him another chance.God gives us "second chances" and we should other people too.Perhaps by having someone care about him by wanting him to follow rules so he or others don't get hurt, he will feel loved and cared about at your house.What if he grows up to be a fine young man and remembers being at your house and how your loved him enough to care about his well being.

Answer 7

I think (and not because of any fault on your part...it sounds like you were very upfront and tactful about the situation) there are many people in this world who are incapable of apologizing. She probably lives very defensively and was embarassed by your confrontation (again, nothing I would have done any different from you) and reacted poorly. She probably doesn't apologize and isn't mature enough to admit responsibility for most things with most people. The only thing you can do is barr her misbehaved child from your home or from playing with your children (as I would) because you can't have your kids seeing him getting away with that kind of behaviour towards you. She will figure out, in time, when her kid isn't invited to hardly anything anymore, when people make excuses just to avoid having him in their home, that his disrespectful demeanor really isn't acceptable to most.
Best of luck!!

Answer 8

when you see him coming.......run, lock the doors/windows, turn out the lights, hide and pretend you're not at home. the same for when the you see the mom. lol.. just joking. i know your pain, i hate stupid people who let their kids do stuff like that. i would simply tell the little boy that he is no longer allowed to come over, and you will have to take it up with the boy cause that mom will just continue to let him go to your house. you might have to shut the door on him and then listen to the tirade of a three year old, but eventually he will get the message.

Answer 9

o dear - i dont think you could of got a worse responce out of her.

she is a bad mother pure and simple, i bet her kid will grow up and rob someone and she will wonder "what did i do wrong?"

just stop it now, theirs no point, any more action will just cause an arguement. END the play group thing, its going to be hard for your kids, but its got theirs as well as your intrested in mind,i wouldnt let a kid like that near a young baby. if the mother asks, tell her again you have rules.

Answer 10

I'm with you. I don't believe in hitting children either but that doesn't not mean they should be allowed to behave in a rude unpleasent manner. Ok perhaps we do expect different standards of behaviour from children than from adults but if nobody points out to him it's not an acceptable way to behave, he will never learn, will she find it so appealing when he's 23 I wonder.

It's hard when it's a neighbour. After all you have to live near her so obviously you are doing your best to keep the peace. However, in your house, as you say, your rules apply. If he doesn't abide by them, just send him home. Be polite but be firm, make the rules simple but teach him that if he chooses to treat you rudely or damage your property, you are going to choose not to welcome him into your home, after all you wouldn't put up with it from an adult visitor would you? She can bring him up however she sees fit, it doesn't mean you have to put up with it.

Answer 11

I would say "I'm sorry you feel that way" and firmly and gently let her know that he will not be allowed at your home anymore, or allowed to play with your kids (bad influence) until he learns some manners. This may cause some tension for a year or two, but I guarantee that as soon as that kid goes to daycare or school, the mom will be getting a similar earfull from teachers and caregivers, and she and her son will have to rethink his behavior.