how did you get your husabnd's daddy instincts to kick in??

Question

we just had our first born almost 3 months ago and my mommy instincts kicked in immediately.
i feel like all my husband thinks he needs to do is go to work everyday (i work f/t too).
how can i tell him he needs to dig in at home without making him feel like a bad dad??
he is a great person and i love him so much, but i need him to pitch in more.

do guys just need someone to tell them what to do??? i mean, instead of expecting him to just know what to do, should i be making him a list or directing him???

thanks all!

he helps with the baby..it's not so much that, but when i need him to call about our broken garbage disposal, or the carpet seam is tearing, or the fact that i am always in charge of dinner (ugghh).
things like that....i just need him to pitch in more in general.

he really is a great dad.

Answer 1

throw him a pair of your pant and tell him to put them on. he'll say i cant get into your pants. then you say and you wont if you dont start acvting like a father.

it never fails.

Answer 2

Well, I can tell you that as far as my husband goes, I ask him to do stuff most of the time and he'll do it. They kinda need to be led a bit, especially with baby stuff. My husband always says he's worried he won't do it the way I want and then I'll just redo it anyway (which happens occasionally!) I don't work outside the home, he works 12 hr shift work that's really demanding and he will still pitch in when I need him to. Our son is 8 mths old. I get extremely bitchy though if I don't have everything done around the house, I hate clutter and he knows it.

I would have to say you should ask him in a nonchalant way like 'hey, would you mind doing those dishes while I finish the laundry" or "can you change the baby, I have to run his bath". Those tactics usually work, because then the husband sees that you are also busy, trying hard to keep everything running smoothly and aren't just demanding him to do it (which is what virtually all guys think, well at least from my experience). With a little patience and maybe some pushing in certain situations, he'll come around. Now my husband just knows automatically that when I am getting the babies stuff for the tub ready, to go get him undressed or if I'm getting ready to go out, he'll go get are son ready.

I know I'm making him sound like a robot I'm programming but it really seems to be the only way of getting through. Constant nagging over and over does nothing in my opinion. I think guys then feel that you are acting like their mom when they were younger and she wanted them to clean up their room or something. I hope this wasn't too long! lol! Good luck!

Answer 3

His attitude will depend on how he was raised and what kind of part his father took in his bringing up..
You do what you learn...
Perhaps his father was not there and worked all the time,. which left the nurturing to his Mom..
It is unfortunate but you can help to bring about a change..
You need to give him the baby to hold when he is relaxing in front of the TV when you are busy..
He should be called into the bathroom when you are bathing the baby and tell him you need some help.
I know you are trying to do everything, but you need to let him do things too, even if they are not exactly to your specification.
He needs to build a bond with the baby and this is done by him being responsible and caring for the child.
You need to plan an evening out where he will have to feed the baby and change it..
Start asking him to assist you and make a habit of him holding the baby ....
Men do not have a mothering instict and they will not fuss over a child like women do.. it is not their nature.. but as the baby grows and daddy starts to notice little changes , he will become interested.. It won't happen overnight , start slowly.. also let him do things around the house to help you... Ask for his help!!!!!!! Tell him you are tired and need assistance... Don't just do it all and resent it... this is not good for your relationship.
You also need to have a date night and get a sitter , so that you can reconnect again.. this is very important...Small steps... he will catch on...

Answer 4

Don't hit him with it as soon as he gets home from work - he'll resent that. Give him a chance to wind down. Then ask sweetly about a specific, immediate task - for instance, hand him the phone and say, "would you mind calling about that disposal now? I really would like to get that taken care of." It's not directing, but it is about being specific.

When he does a little thing like that, act like it's a really big deal - give him praise. "It helps me so much when you pitch in like that - thanks!"

It sounds dumb, but I think it'll help him improve, in time.

Answer 5

.When he gets in from work try to involve him ask him if he could bath/feed his son,or even just a cuddle.You are going to have to tell him how it is for you,Cos at the moment he is missing out on his son.He may have a problem that a lot of men suffer from,and that is he is scared of handling a small baby

Answer 6

Talk to your mother-in-law about how your husband's father was with children. Usually men learn their "daddy" behavior from their fathers. It's inherent. This should give you insight into why he is acting the way he is and when/if he's going to change.

Answer 7

Leave him alone with the baby more often he will figure out what to do

Answer 8

Guide him ever so gently and you will be surprised at what a difference it makes we do better when we know better,,,Good Luck

Answer 9

Discuss it in neutral, fair terms.

"I feel" and "I think" and "I wish" are good.
"You always" or "You don't," etc. are bad.

Answer 10

*shrug*