If he loves me why won't he commit?

Question

Well I have been friends with this man for a while. Recently he told me that he had fallen in love with me and wanted to take things beyond friendship. Things seemed to progress quite naturally into a "relationship" nothing however was defined. So I asked him where I stood because I was falling in love with him and wanted to know if we were indeed a couple. He got freaked out and said that although he loves me he doesn't want to rush into anything. What does this mean how can you love someone and not want to be with them? May I add that we haven't slept together before anyone says that he was just after sex.

Answer 1

Hi there,

Well first of sorry to hear about your heartache! Sometimes it's hard to understand ourselves,but if we have to understand someone else who is happen to be an opposite sex,then things could get even harder to deal with.
You didn't say anything about your or his age,I think it is important to know if you are a teenager couple or adult age.As you are younger sometimes people say things to each other what they don't mean just to secure their comfortable situation,in your case it is not sex.However men could get comfort almost on anything fx:money,,house,car,friends etc.
When you are in your 30s,it is more worrying because a man who just promises things but delivers nothing then you have to ask yourself:" Does he have the right to waste my time? I might want to get married,have children(as I am not a man,I can't have babies easily after certain time!),Why do I let myself to allow him to put me in this confusing position?"
And I know,you say now:"that you love him..."
I don't know you but as woman to woman I suggest go there and talk to him!
Directly ask him about what is it what he wants from you and do not let him to carried away or worse:ignore you.
If you don't deserve a simple honest answer,then he does not deserve you.
A real man should make you feel like a princess,please never forget that!


All the best:
B.

Answer 2

It relies upon on the way you outline dedication - if dedication is a written settlement between 2 those who they could serve one yet another,then it truly is particularly a lot accessible to be in love and by no skill dedicated. dedication comes immediately even with the undeniable fact that dedication won't be able to be and could no longer be compelled.after I say dedication comes immediately, its compared to you sense that "the following i'm, in entire love with this lady, so i am going to no longer look at different women human beings" yet its only like you may be having entire freedom to imagine about different women human beings yet by some skill, you wont sense like doing so anybody says love is rather felt at the same time as it isn't conditional yet i'm confident anybody the following admits that there is no longer such situation as unconditional love(except possibly the love shown by mom to her baby) a minimum of so a thoughts as romance is in touch.i'm confident no one may be having a finished non conditional love with their better 0.5.

Answer 3

I think you should take him at his word and not over think things. Has he been with other women since you've gotten together, or paid attention to anyone else but you? If not then he is committed even if he doesn't say it.

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. I love him, but I still have problem with a full commitment. We haven't had sex either and I don't step out with other guys, my phobia of commitment isn't anything to do with our relationship, its just something I've got to deal with.

Maybe your guy feels the same

Answer 4

He may love you and want a relationship but he may not be ready for a commitment. Many men, especially young ones are overwhelmed with the expectations of their girlfriends. If you care for this guy and want to stay in the relationship as is then you need to wait until he's ready to take it to another level, if he ever is. Otherwise, if you need to be in a more serious relationship you may need to move on.

I have noticed (many years of experience) that what a man says is what he means. In other words, men typically don't mince words. When he says he cares for you but is not ready to take it any further, that's exactly what he means.

Answer 5

So what exactly does he want? More than friendship but not a proper relationship. I think you are wise to not sleep with him - enjoy his company, if his love is genuine he will want what's best for you. That means he will take you wishes seriously. Give it time - a loving friendship is a beautiful thing to have, but accept it for what it is, develpment may occur but maybe not, so you stay as uncommitted as him, remember there are plenty more fish in the sea - some of whom want to be 'coupled'.

Answer 6

Don't pressure him. Us women fall in love way to easy. Maybe he just wants the two of you to date exclusively (He doesn't see other women and you don't see other men). You need to give these things time. I think that is why so many relationships fail today. We rush into things, half of us get pregnant and the couples waste their lives staying together for the sake of the kids who go on their merry way once they graduate.

Answer 7

I'm in a similar situation although the "L" word hasn't been spoken. My advise, is if he loves you and you love him, ride it out for awhile. If it seems that you aren't geting what you want then maybe you should consider moving on. Otherwise, just be patient and hope he comes around. Good Luck!

Answer 8

Sounds like the rare sort of person who wants to savour the present. You are happy. Why rush. Love yourself too, enjoy the time together, enjoy the time apart. Just enjoy!

Answer 9

Maybe he got hurt before and its afraid to start a relationship. I know you said it, but even though you haven't had it, it could be. Don't open to that yet to see how he really feels.

Answer 10

He either got past relationship hangups, doesn't know what love really is, or he doesn't know what love is. A person can only fall in love when they know what love really is.