8 Year Old Discipline Problem?

Question

Our 8 year old is causing all sorts of problems. He has been smarting off, not listening and causing problems with his younger and older brother.

We have tried time outs, grounding, taking away priveleges and those don't seem to be working. He is fine in school, but is really becoming a problem here at home. He pulled my 4 year olds hair the other day and when we yelled at him he didn't seem to care. He seems impossible to reason with.

Any suggestions?

Answer 1

You are the parent. You have to win the battle. Get ready to demand obedience - if he fights it, you have to fight back. Obedience must occur, or the consequences begin to grow. Spankings, time outs, grounding, extra chores, loss of $$, loss of tv, video games, extra school work.....

I've tried this with different kids. It works, but you have to ride it out. Once you break that rebellious spirit, they become a joy to be around. You have to know within yourself that this is what is best for him. It hurts to make your child suffer in any way, but the end result is that he is a better person for it. Gold has to be refined in a fire, you have to burn off the chaff.

Answer 2

Well two things jump out at me.

1. Why are you "yelling" at him? In parenting, and any verbal conflict, he who yells first, loses. Always. When my son was little, I found LOWERING my voice and putting my face down at his level was always more effective. I did not yell at him, and he sure as heck was not allowed to yell at me. Yelling = time out, immediately.

2. He is the middle kid and feels invisible. The oldest gets to do anything he wants, at least that is how your 8 year old feels, the youngest is "the baby" and allowed to get away with anything.

So, when he pulled the 4 year old's hair, did he automatically become the bad guy? My question would be what did the 4 year old do to make his brother so angry he pulled his hair?

Let me give you some advice that my parents did not follow. When 2 (or more) kids are fighting, the one standing in front of you tattling and crying, is most likely the one that started it. My siblings would torment me for hours, before I would finally get mad and smack them. Then the little trouble makers would run crying to mom & dad and I would get in trouble. With 5 kids our house was always a loud, disruptive, horrible place to be.

If you really want to stop the fighting in your house (and trust me as the older sister of 3 boys, it IS going to get worse) stop playing sides and favorites. When I raised 3 children all within 2 years of each other I implemented the rule, ANY fighting and they all are in trouble. Period.

Didn't matter who started it, who did what, what they did. They all got in trouble. After 2 of the kids were fighting and I made them go down the street and make their brother come home, then grounded them all, they got the point. The bad behavior is the inability to get along, not the pain caused from the fight. Once I consistently used this technique, the in-fighting nearly stopped altogether. They even started policing themselves and peace reigned.

Your middle son feels invisible & is looking for some one-on-one time from mom & dad (as evidenced by his good behavior at school & not at home), right now it sounds like he is getting that through bad behavior. Schedule some one on one time with him so he feels special again. Quit making him the bad guy with his brothers. And stop yelling at him...the only thing yelling accomplishes is more yelling.

Good luck sweetie, 3 boys to raise can be tough.

Answer 3

Sounds to me like he's showing you that he's the invisible middle child. What is he interested in? With three kids you don't have a lot of time to go around, so make time. Spend some one on one time with each child, starting with him. Get a sitter (or the other parent) for the other two, and take the 8 year old child out for some fun for a couple of hours all by himself, and take turns with the others. Get to know what makes him happy as it's already apparent what ticks him off - being left out. Life's too short to constantly be nagging at him or yelling at him, which will distance your trust with each other. Become a parent-friend and develop trust and confidence with him. (keeping in mind that parenting comes first) Focus on rewarding good behaviour instead of focusing on punishing bad behaviour. Look for the things he's doing right and give him praise for that. What does he do that you like? Also, take him out with friends his own age. I liked the answer you got that if one's in trouble, they're all in trouble. A lot of times, the culprit isn't just one, or the one that it appears to be. Best of luck with your boys.

Answer 4

Sounds as though you are using negative techniques, that is the problem. You need to set up a system using positive reinforcement, making sure he knows the two of you are the parents. This means no yelling, etc. You are the parents and need to be the role models.

Answer 5

Sounds like he is looking for a little extra attention, maybe he feels he is getting lost in the shuffle. Sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him. Find out the real reason why he is acting up.Maybe you could help solve the problem.Good luck!

Answer 6

Sit down and talk to him. Maybe there is something wrong or bothering him. I have 3 children and my middle child always acts out. But I give him attention and we go out to the mall or just watch a movie and then everything is okay. Most of the time middle children feel left out. Spend time with him more and try to be patient. Don't make him feel like he is bad most of time when he is good praise him for it. good luck.

Answer 7

I have an 8 year old son as well and this has to be THE WORST age! I spoke to his teacher and she suggested taking some of his favorite things away when he is bad. It has worked really well for me! Good luck!

Answer 8

Children will behave as badly as we allow them to. We as parents teach them how much they can get away with, or what our limits for bad behavior are. Yelling at him will only teach him to yell. Put your foot down; ground him, spank him, or whatever you have to do to make him see that you mean business. Inconsistency in punishing children is one of the biggest mistakes parents make, so unless you want this behavior to continue, you must absolutely follow through with what you say. If your rules, expectations and consequences are very clear and you do not deviate from them, then your children will have clear guidelines as to what is and is not acceptable. Children crave and need guidance, we as parents must be strong enough to give it to them properly.

Answer 9

He needs special attention from you maybe he's feeling misplaced

be patient and show him he is important

Answer 10

there is a lot to be said about a good whippin! i hated getting spanked by my parents when i was younger and you know what, the one time i did get whipped, i learned pretty fast not to do it again.