Mother in law hates me and my husband (her son)?

Question

How would someone tell their mother in law to take a long walk off a short pier? Should I call her with my husband and tell her everything that she's ever done that has hurt us or made us pissed? Or should we just stop going over there and avoid her at all costs. I'm wondering if we'll be better off without her in our lives to make us crazy, or if we should think of our kids and their relationship with her. (Granted they are 3 and 3months old, so they don't really HAVE a relationship yet.) She called us tonight and was her usual horrible self, and asked us to trudge over to her house to put up her Christmas lights and tree. (Father in law had back surgery last week, or he'd do it.) My husband works two jobs, and is just getting over the flu. They have a 18 year old boy living at home now, but he's pretty useless. He doesn't help at all, except he gets all the perks of living with the rich parents. We're poor as dirt, but anyway, I digress...
What to do... What to do...

A lot of people are telling me to have my husband deal with her, but he isn't too willing. He says the only way she will respect him is if he makes tons of money and has nicer stuff than she does. I agree with him, but what about the meantime. And when she said the comment about him being a failure I was so shocked I couldn't respond. And by the time I got my wits back she was on the phone with someone for the next 30 minutes.

Answer 1

I would of told her my husband is a failure compared to what? That 18 year old worthless bum in her house? Next time she wants something done, tell that 18 year old to do it. Unless of course he runs that house and tells her what to do. I'd of gone right back at her and so much that she would know better than to call my house again.

Answer 2

Help her with the tree and lights if you can but get out right after. Avoid her. Your children do NOT need to see her at all if she is degrading their dad and mom. My husband's mom is similar. I have not been to her house for 2 years and my husband only once this year. She has been inside our house 2 times in 16 years. If she has stuff for us and we aren't home, she leaves it on the porch, I digress, again, don't expose your kids to her. If she calls and complains just say you are busy and have to go. She will either change to see her grand kids or leave you alone for the most part. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Sounds like you are certain from her actions about the words you speak. If you can't afford a counselor you have to do what you have to do. Her son needs to stand with you on this . If he does not let him stand alone. She is his mother and she is a very important part of his life. And yours now. Yes I agree talking needs to happen. But you hesitate. For him? For you and the children. That is good. You will ponder as to why. You should face what you find and be at peace with whatever decision you make for all involved especially your children. Unfortunately there are toxic parents. And yes I walked away from my mother. Out of respect for all involved. She will never know all the reasons why because it would only hurt her. I do not want to give back to her what she gave. Out of respect for her and me. I am at peace about it. If anything I wish somehow I could have made her life circumstances better. And did in a way only a mother could know. If only for a short while. I don't hear from her very often but when I do I still know now that she always did love me. As I always will her. Now that I have matured I see that she handled what she could the best she could. In ways at times that seemed selfish and childish. Now I see that it truly was the best she could do. And she was very needy as well. She needed support from her significant other and even they could not handle. What I saw my mother do was a cry for help that we could not give. She needed her space. And unfortunately got it. She after 43 years simply said I am sorry. Yes it hurt but at least she said it. That helped me be at peace with her. I hope this helped you. Good luck to you all.

Answer 4

why not tell them to have the 18 year old put the tree up? i don't know if calling her and telling her about all the things she has said that has hurt you is worth doing now. this is something you should have done when they happened.part of the problem is that you have allowed this to go on and held it all in and now your ready to blow. big mistake. now let all the past things go. and start a new. when she says something to you that hurts or makes you mad speak up then.not an hour later or a day later or months later. you have to speak up when it happens.as far as the 18 year old,I'm sure she is not happy that he is lazy. but at his age its not like she can ground him when he wont do something.as i said let the past go and go from this day on.let her know you will not allow her to treat you this way any more.

Answer 5

Sometimes you have to let family members go. Been there and it didn't matter how "good" or "helpful" I was. It's a sad place to be but there are some things with some people that do not work! Let go and take the tension out of your lives!

Answer 6

Just stay away from them, you can also sit down with your husband, and write down everything bad she has ever said or done to you. That way if she ever confronts you, you wont be lost for words, as everything will be laid out for your reply! People like that hope you have a short memory, but when it's written down, it stabs home hard! And it's they, who are lost for words. Don't worry, and have a good day!

Answer 7

well, that sucks.

i would be the bigger person and ignore her as much as possible.

you can't control anything she says, does, or owns, so there's no point in talking to her about changing.

if she wants to have a relationship with your kids, then she can call, come over, and be nice. when she stops being nice say, "well that was a nice visit, but it's time to put the kids down for a nap. good bye!"

Answer 8

Look it is your husband that needs to stand up to his mother not you. If I were you I would just make him deal with what ever she dose. When she calls just hand him the phone. I dont allow any toxic people in my life and that includes a bunch of family members.

Answer 9

People like that you just have to ignore. Because if you stay around them, then you would go down to their level. Stay away from here cause she sounds like a materialistic person who will only appreciate you guys if you have more money than Bill Gates. When she calls, just tell her is she doesnt have anything nice to say at all, then please dont bother to call.

Answer 10

you may set up some barriers. She should not be making use of the toddlers for her benefit, and while she does you may call her on it and tell her it relatively is irrelevant and wont be tolerated. the two she'll admire your needs or no longer. If no longer , you and your husband could already have a result planned out. ending telephone calls in company yet non protective way ( i comprehend your disenchanted yet making use of the toddlers isn't honest to all people, i'm dazzling up now) or leaving or asking her to flow away. you would be shocked how a lot your toddlers fairly comprehend whats going on. it relatively is greater efficient to nip this interior the butt now than wait till you mom in regulation has been set in her approaches for years. besides what may be the ingredient of waiting till your toddlers fairly comprehend whats happening. with the aid of coping with the subject concerns you have now, you may artwork on having a fit courting for the next day. so as that as quickly as your toddlers are sufficiently previous to comprehend whats happening, they could have a stable courting with their grandmother or if she chooses to no longer admire barriers, they could have a constrained yet healthful courting along with her? it relatively is all approximately barriers and reinforcing them while people alongside with your mom in regulation push them. You and your husband could tutor your mom in regulation the thank you to handle you the two. I examine "poisonous In rules" with the aid of Susan forward. Very powerful to me. terrific of luck!