ive bought "make your own christmas crackers" and a need a few good jokes to put in them as theres no in the box
2006-12-06 21:09:03 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker was getting for Christmas?
He felt his presents/presence (you need to do the requisite heavy breathing!)
2006-12-06 21:12:23 · answer #1 · answered by f0xymoron 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
The Christmas Fairy
Santa was very upset. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right!
Mrs. Claus had burned all the mince pies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid overtime. The reindeer had been drinking sherry all afternoon and were dead drunk. And to make matters worse, they had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and crashed it into a tree.
Santa was furious. "I can't believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours and all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are on strike and I don't even have a Christmas tree!" He continued, "I sent that stupid little Christmas fairy out hours ago to find a tree and she isn't back yet! What am I going to do?"
Just then, the Christmas fairy opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree behind her. She said, "Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?"
And thus the tradition of fairies on top of the Christmas tree got its start.
Fa la la la la, la la, la la.
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What do you have in December that you don't have in any
other month?
Answer : The letter "D".
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What do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs?
Answer : Anything you want. He can't hear you!
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What do reindeer have that no other animals on earth have?
Answer : Baby reindeer.
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What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?
Answer : Lost.
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What kind of pine has the sharpest needles?
Answer : A porcupine.
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Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very poshhotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up?
Answer : Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!
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What do you get when you cross a penguin and an alligator?
Answer : I don't know, but don't try to fix its bow tie!
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How does Mickey Mouse get around during the winter?
Answer : Mice skates
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Where does Frosty the Snowman keep his money?
Answer : In a snow bank.
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What happened when Santa's cat swallowed a ball of yarn?
Answer : She had mittens
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What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Answer: Snowflakes.
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What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
Answer: Sandy Claws.
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What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Answer: Ribbon hood.
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Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
Answer: So he can ho-ho-ho.
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What do you call a cow in Alaska?
Answer: An Eski-moo.
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2006-12-07 05:18:11 · answer #2 · answered by ♥gigi♥ 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake
Tarzipan !
Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ?
No you can have turkey like everyone else !
What did the eskimos sing when they got there Christmas dinner ?
"Whalemeat again, don't know where, don't know when " !
What did the big cracker say to the little cracker ?
My pop is bigger than yours !
Who is never hungry at Christmas ?
The turkey - he's always stuffed !
What bird has wings but cannot fly ?
Roast turkey !
Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas cake ?
Your teeth !
We had grandma for Christmas dinner ?
Really, we had turkey !
Whats happens if you eat the Christmas decorations ?
You get tinsel-itus !
What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas ?
Grave-y !
2006-12-10 18:02:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A father asked his young daughter what she would like for Christmas.She said that what she wanted more than anything else was a baby brother.And it so happened that on Christmas Eve her mother came from hospital clutching a baby boy.
The following year,the father again asked his daughter what she would like for Christmas."Well," she replied," if it's not too uncomfortable for Mummy,I'd like a pony."
Why is Chrismas just like a day at the office?
Because you do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
How is the Italian version of Christmas different?
One Mary,one Jesus and 33 wise guys.
What's a Jew's idea of Christmas?
A parking meter on the roof.
Christmas is the holiday in which neither the past nor the future is as much interest as the present.
2006-12-07 05:44:15 · answer #4 · answered by the gunners 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you get if you eat christmas decorations?
Tinselitis!!
Not sure it's 'good' but when my eight year old told it I did snigger !
Enjoy your christmas crackers!
2006-12-07 05:15:04 · answer #5 · answered by Flossie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two snow men standing in a field.
One turns to the other and says,
"Can you smell carrots????"
2006-12-07 05:41:15 · answer #6 · answered by joe r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A nervous wreck
2006-12-07 05:14:43 · answer #7 · answered by big pup in a small bath 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Q. WHY DOESN,T SANTA HAVE ANY CHILDREN.
ANS. BECAUSE HE ONLY COMES ONCE A YEAR AND ITS DOWN THE CHIMNEY
2006-12-07 07:03:46 · answer #8 · answered by seatonwasp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nope i havent got one thank you hahahahah
2006-12-07 06:13:41 · answer #9 · answered by valei 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋