How can I comfort my mother?

Question

My mother attends a weekly christian fellowship in a neighbourhood. She likes going, although finds the majority of people quite depressing (most are elderly). I’m in my mid 30’s and she’s in her mid 60’s. I still live with her. Every time she goes to the group, she comes back feeling quite down. Yesterday, when I asked her how she was, she said, “Not very good. I don’t know how long I can keep going round there and face the fact that we’re in the same circumstances as Susie* (aged 79) and Stephen* (aged 46)”. What she means by this is it re-enforces the fact that me and my mother are all alone like Susie* and her son Stephen*. She keeps comparing me to Stephen* and says, “You’re just the same type as him - unmarried and is awkward with people like you are. Susie* and Stephen* have only got each other just like us two and it scares me. Susie’s* still worrying about Stephen* at the age of 46 and I dread that we’ll end up the same in years to come”.
I hate it when she compares me to Stephen* (as he’s an awful character) and I do tell my mother that I’m nothing like him and I can’t help it if I’m not married yet and have no family. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I hope the above makes sense. PLEASE HELP.

Answer 1

sweetie, have you actually asked her what she means by that? i know that the older people get the more different there views are on things. you need to realise that you can't compare your life to anyone else's. you should tell this to your mother too. we all live life in different ways. tell your mom your feelings on how it hurts you when she compares you to stephen. the fact that you still live with her shows that you two have a very good relationship and i think talking to her about your feelings will not only help her see that her life is not that bad but it will make her feel more comfortable to speak to you bout anything that is bothering her. i know it is difficult to be open and honest with our mom's cause they were always and will continue to be the single person in this world that will give up everything for us, but you must remember that it is better to be open and honest. you don't have to say it in a hurtful manner just let her know nicely how you feel and things should get better from there on. there is nothing wrong with still staying at home, im sure deep down, your mom really enjoys the company. good luck.

Answer 2

Could it be that your mother would benefit from finding a different Christian fellowship? If they are getting her down, then I suspect the fellowship is not focusing on uplifting Christian subjects. When I was a new mother, living in a new town and without any family near me, I found tremendous support and help amongst a group of non-denominational women who met weekly in homes. Can you do some research in your area to find an evangelical church, or ask your mother if there are other house-groups in her church? Maybe all she needs is to rub shoulders with cheerful, optomistic and uplifting people who (dare I say this?) are young in heart and mind! I know it can be difficult for older people to change (puts them out on a cutting edge, which can be scary) but perhaps all she needs is a little encouragement? I have a very strong feeling that if your mother associated with more outgoing and positive people it would alter her outlook and she might just stop comparing you to Stephen. Underlying all this, however, is her concern about your situation and, being a mother, it is highly unlikely that she will stop worrying! Nothing you can do about that, I'm afraid because worrying is part of the job description that comes with having children. Best antidote to that is for you to put on a cheerful face, give your mother lots of hugs and reassurances, and don't take issue with her. Another idea might be for you to scout around various churches in your area and find one that is lively, active and has young and old members - if you like the atmosphere chances are your mother might, too. Worth a go? What would you have to loose? You might even make new friends yourself. I pray God will lead and direct you and your mother to the right place. Watch this space!

Answer 3

Seriously if mom can mange most things on her own then maybe you need to get your own place not tto far from so you can be there to help when she needs you, but also have your own independence. I think mom might like the idea and then you should no longer be compared to Stephen. I know it can be hard to find someone out there that shares values and ideas but start by getting your own palce maybe even chat on the internet there are soe good sites that offer friendship that can go to bigger and better things. My 22 year old son just met a girl that she was hesitant to talk on the phone for 2 1/2 months and then met him in public before she gave him her phone number. Now they seem tio have a strong thing going. Just be careful and make sure the girl is sot toooforward and too wiling. Pray the Lord answers all prayer and god will lead you to what is best for you and mom. May the Lord bless you both.

Answer 4

I wonder whether your mother is attending the right fellowship. We are supposed to go to a fellowship to hear good news and not bad news. When someone has a problem he/she needs to be upliftedy by the sharing of a good word or a good testimony at the meeting and have prayers to God to help him/her. Perhaps, she should attend a fellowship with people of her own age. Ask her to pray to God for the changes she desires in your lives. God is the answer to all our needs. You can pray as well. I ask that the Father shows His compassion to you and your mother and move mightily in your situation. God bless you and your mother. I have to add that your mother ought to stop confessing to be like Susie and Stephen and to confess the positive things and outcomes for your lives. Death and life are in the power of the tongue!

Answer 5

Hey Brother I am certain you love your mother but don't be like Stephen,move out and get a life for yourself.I don't mean cut your mom out of your life but if you do not make the move you will wake up 50 yrs old and still in the same boat going nowhere.I have seen this happen with my Bro he is 48 and still living with my mother they are getting to the point of actually hating each other.

Answer 6

Maybe your Mother is worried because there are no grandchildren
and she can see that the way things are looking that there may never be .
I know this information does not help you, But If you are happy being single then that's the way you should stay all you can do for your Mum is be there for her and give her as much love as you can. Just try sitting down and having a heart to heart talk with her and tell just how you feel and why
May God bless you and your Mother

Answer 7

She should ask God to lift the depressing atmosphere around these people in the her christian fellowship.

And she should have a more positive attitude and make positive utterances about your situation submitting everything to God and declaring that by His grace you are not awkward and that you not have only each other but have God as well.

Jesus is everything. Nothing is too great for Him

Ask him fo what you want believing that you will recieve it according to HIS perfect will

God bless

Answer 8

well if u don't want to end up like stephen, just move out. it's hard and scary, but it changes ur whole life. get urself a good job, get an apartment, start trying to meet people and instead of worrying about not being married, just make friends and something may come of one of hem.

Answer 9

Mid 30's and your still living at home??!! Grow a pair of balls and move out!! Yes the world is a scary place and yes it is difficult but for gods sake, stop hiding behind your mother and behave like an adult. People like you infuriate me. I bet your mum still cooks your dinner and washes your clothes and makes your bed in a morning. If you're lonely imagine what your mum is going through. How can she meet anyone when she's got a useless son living in her house. She can't bring anyone back for fun and games cos shes got you under her feet. Take the hint, pack up your s**t and stand on your own two feet, you loser

Answer 10

to be honest sweetie ...
i think mum is using the comparison with you and Stephen , to hide her own lonliness with comparing herself to Susie
she sees a lonely lady and knows she is in the same boat...
it may just be easier for her to complain about how you are than to face what is really bothering her ...
she is scared of being alone
but maybe it would be good for the both of you to socialise more together ... so that you can meet more people and perhaps the both of you can find some happiness with other people
love to you both xx