I am getting married in a couple of months and we are expecting a baby shortly after in April. I have a 41/2 year old boy. We have made it a point to include him in the pregnancy and all that. He thinks it's "his" baby. But it seems that everytime my fiance says anything to him or asks him to do something he gets mad and starts to throw a temper tantrum. I have tried not to interfere when my fiance is disciplining him for things. I want my son to understand that my fiance is here to stay and he's going to have to listen and respect him just like he does me. I should also say that we all live together. I don't know what to do!!! Should I not let my fiance have any control? I could sure use some advice.
2006-12-06 16:40:07 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
ever watch dr. phil? he states that the step parent shouldn't act like a parent to that child... though i find that bull crap i would sit him down and talk to him on his level eye to eye and tell him that he is supposed to respect her has he does you and if he doesn't he gets in trouble.. but make sure you get down on to his level and i mean like sitting on the floor and stuff like that.. also try not to rase your voice or talk fast as this my result in getting your child excited and/or upset
2006-12-06 16:46:38 · answer #1 · answered by SomeoneABCD 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long has your fiance been in the picture for your little boy?
He is probably trying the fiance on. When he throws the tantrum he should just be quietly removed to another room, and be told when you are quiet we will talk about this. Four is big enough to be using words. Talk to your little boy and paint a clear picture for him of what is going on. Does he have a dad that he knows and misses? Or none on the scene? Make sure that you have times with him alone. There are a lot of changes going on in his little life, he is big enough to talk to about how he feels about your fiance and the new baby that is his.Take some time with him and he will be a better big brother.Keep you lines of communication. Ask him about the tantrums he throws and encourage him to use his words. As he gets used to your fiance, maybe they could have some guy time and work on building a trusting relationship with each other.
2006-12-06 16:54:45 · answer #2 · answered by plaplant8 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's 4 1/2 you have been his girl. The tantrum is a sign of who's trying to be the boss. Instead of any discipline. That could put a wedge between them. letting him know that the fiance is going to stay is a new family talk. Let him know you are going to let him be a little boy instead of haveing to watch out for Mom as he has done in the past. The Fiance should work on communication before discipline.
Dr Phil
2006-12-06 16:51:06 · answer #3 · answered by Uncle Red 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, this is from a real life experience.......my husbands ex-wife had a son when they met (he was just a few months old). Everytime that my husband would try to dicipline him for something he done wrong, she would yell at him, telling him that he only treats him that way because he wasn't really his son. They have 2 daughters together and he treated them the same. Same dicipline for all 3 kids. But Gabe was the only one that "mommy" jumped in on, so do you know where he's sitting at now?? A maximum security jail in Michigan for about the next 12 years. He's been in and out of jails, since I have known my husband. He is a punk. I am not saying this is what will happen to your child, the point I am trying to make is.......dicipline has to be from both parents, and yes he will be the childs parent when you get married, if not in a sense already since you live together. I told my daughter (then 6) that she had to mind my husband the same as she would me. So far it has worked. She's almost 13 now, has called him dad since day one, and loves and respects him as her father. He doesn't "demand" respect. He gets it from her (and our 2 children) because he's a loving father. I suggest that you and your fiance sit down and make a list of things that are (and are not) acceptable forms of dicipline, that way you are always on the same page. Let your son know these things. Have a family meeting. Find out from your son, in front of your fiance, why he thinks he's acting like this, and what you all can do together to make things better for everyone involved. I hope that things work out for you and your family. I wish you the best!!
2006-12-06 17:00:54 · answer #4 · answered by Crystal 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So you all are playing house in an environment that does not include his biological father and wonder why your son has not bonded with your boyfriend/fiance? Could his father wonder out loud what you were thinking when you brought his son into that kind of relationship? The sooner you get married, the better it'll be for you, your son, and your fiance so that the two of them can bond in a committed family relationship and your fiance earns the right to "control" your son and his step-son.
2006-12-06 16:58:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Talk to your son. That's always important. Have your fiance set out time just for him and your son to do things together. Include your fiance in on things your son enjoys and does. Things like bringing him alone for school events and such, if of course he's in preschool or something similar.
2006-12-06 16:47:45 · answer #6 · answered by Mish B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your fiance is planning to be a father to this child then allow him to give your son some direction. I was going through the same thing with my husband and my daughter. My husband is not her real father but she does not know her real father. I think the one thing that my husband did to break the ice with her is do things that interested her. Like take her to the park, take her to buy clothes and shoes. He would color with her and help her with her school homework. But it was not like this until after I had mine and my husbands baby. My baby is now 8 months old and my daughter feels like she has been fighting for my husbands attention when it comes to the baby. But he still continues to take time out for my oldest daughter. One thing that he also does is not try to be her friend, but be her father. Eventually she gave him the respect that he deserves as her father.
2006-12-06 16:49:22 · answer #7 · answered by Miss Vira 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Now I know I'm only 16 but my mom divorced my dad when I was 11, moved in with my now stepdad when I was 13 and got married when I was 14. For a long time I resented my stepdad, but what my mom did was discuss with him what my discipline should be and most of the time defer to him on what to do with me. But eventually I came to love and respect him so just give it time.
2006-12-06 16:49:11 · answer #8 · answered by goth_angel132002 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you at the instant are not being unreasonable, yet on the comparable time you will possibly desire to end nagging him continuously. i actually am a father at 32, and that i in basic terms like your b/f nevertheless smoke. regrettably I lost my interest some months in the past and each the place i bypass now a days land up sorting out for it. I have not have been given any selection yet to end, so I did a pair weeks in the past, especially to have a larger variety of interest opportunities. when you consider that that factor I look extra sparkling headed than ever. i actually experience stable approximately myself now. i'm nevertheless smoking ciggarettes, yet wish to end at some point. I save telling my g/f and acquaintances whilst i eventually land a activity, i will in all probability bypass back to my oftentimes going on self, yet these days i believe i'm lots extra suitable without it on a daily basis. besides, you're precise to come to a decision on what's precise for you and your son, proceed with college and your motivation. If he does not make any adjustments than once you're financially safeguard you're able to do what you opt for whether that's bypass away him or stay with him. My suggestion to you although is that if he does not replace or makes no attempt to strengthen himself your terrific guess could be to bypass away him. There comes a time in all our lives the place all of us might desire to strengthen up and picture approximately our childrens destiny. it would be one factor if he replaced right into a millionare, then he might consistently have the skill to do what he needs and take care f his kinfolk, yet i'm taking it he's no longer, so the ball is on your courtroom. in basic terms you will possibly need to end nagging him, if he needs to alter he can in straightforward terms do it for himself, the extra you get on his case, the extra you're gonna stress him away.
2016-10-14 04:43:14 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sit down and talk to your son and let him know that he should listen to adults or try to have your fiance take your son places be extra nice to let your son know that hes not trying to hurt him or be mean
2006-12-06 16:44:50 · answer #10 · answered by layla 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋