My dad died...?

Question

My dad died 2 months ago. He died without knowing that my mom was cheating on him and I feel like I've lost a huge part of me. My mom has already remarried and I feel like she is moving on very quickly. I want to love my new step dad but I feel resentment against him b/c he was with my mom while she was married to my father. I also have two new brothers that I love. But I feel awkward around them b/c they have taken me in as a lil sis so quickly it hasn't given me a chance to adjust to the situation. The rest of my family act like totally different ppl. My lil sister was an ice skater representing the state of California in Competions and she totally dropped out of that. My oldest brother was so nice b4 and now all he does is sit in his room and llisten to music, or sleep. My oldest sister is partying and drinking alot more then she usta. My brother thats 2 years older then me has taken up smoking and I think that will ruin his career with skateboarding.

How should I deal with all this stuff going on around me? I feel like a huge load has been put on my shoulders for sum reason. My mom doesn't pay any attention to what her kids do with their spair time. All she wants to do is be with her new husband and go drinking with friends, instead of being a parent. What would you do/feel in this situation?
Thanx

Answer 1

Ok kid here ya go. I lost my dad when I was 15, my mom was shaking up with his best friend while he was sick, so I know where your coming from there. what you about, and are going through are going to be the toughest moments in your life. My mom threw me out to the street when I was 16 cause I didnt want to move to florida with her and my "step father" (also cause he hit me and I decided that he needed a central nervous system realignment and I broke his jaw. (a 160 lbs drunk shouldnt try and take on a 280 lbs kid) heres the thing you need to talk to your mom and tell her how you feel cause if you dont its going to eat at you for the rest of your life..I know i have MANY mental issues that I deal with ona a daily basis. 2 try and talk to your older brothers and sister they may not listen but try any way. ell them the truth on how you feel. you little sis is a different thing entirely. your father would have wanted you to look out for her and her best interests so you really need to have a sit down with here cause when the metal meets the meat shes all ya got. lastly your dad was proud of you as all dads are so what you need to do is stand. what I mean by that is stand on your own 2 feet make him proud again while he is looking down. finish school, go to college have a career. these are the things a dad wants, so give it to him. Show the world how well he taught you by standing on your own 2 feet and making it by doing the right thing. Good luck too ya kid get help by a proffesional( therapist) and dont be afraid of doing it. no one in the world would ever down you for that. I am sorry for your loss, good luck and watch out for your little sis

Answer 2

find a friend or a sibling and talk to them let them know that you are serious and that you need someone to listen to, be there for them when they need you and they will be there for you.

take a deep breath lay on your bed with you back down and close your eyes, imagine the happiest moment that you had with your dad while he was still alive let yourself become emmersed in that moment and remember every little detail about it.

be happy smile and laugh about that moment or other moments do this for about 15 minutes (make sure you have no noises on and the door closed to prevent interruptions).

then open your eyes and imagine life without your dad, its more than ok if you cry its natural and will help make sense of things that were otherwise unclear, think about your future about relationships about future family get togethers and even the upcoming holidays, it will be very hard i know, but by doing this you will help yourself and prevent yourself from going into depression.

if you are having trouble sleeping then lay on your bed with your eyes closed and then imagine your body feeling very heavy.

then take five deep breaths exhaling through your nose and inhaling through your nose as well. relax and just think about nothingness let your mind focus on your body and everything you feel think about this and dont lose focus. if you do it right you should fall asleep within 5 minutes.

even though i still have my parents i imagine life without them and it is a sad thought, and yes even as a guy i have cried, its ok and it helps you through many a rainy day.

it will NOT be easy so dont try to rush it and especially talk to your mom and explain your feelings to her, if she is any kind of a good mother she will listen and help you.

this is about all i can say at the moment i wish you feel better and hope this helps you brave the holiday season and i am sorry for your loss,

demosthenes
p.s. sorry doesnt equal pity. = ) live life like everyday was raining and there was always a good friend there with a fire going and a blanket and hot chocolate and marshmallows calling you over to laugh about the past and imagine the future. you are only as old as you act.

"friends" (HUGS)

Answer 3

Sound like alot of the memebers of your family are dealing with post tramatic stress. The feelings you are feeling toward your new step father are very normal. I would have felt the same way to knowing that he was with my mother before my father passed away. Your sister with her partying is her way of dealing with the pains that came with the death of your father. It looks to be a very destructive life style with partying alot more. She may need to break that habbit before that causes some problems in her life coming up here pretty soon. With your other sister who was an ice skater I think she stopped ice skating because ice skating was a sport that your father was apart of to make happen. As for you, I am very sorry that you lost your father. That is a pain that no one should have to deal with at a young age. What I think you should do is find a hobby where you can express yourself where you can let the pains from with in out it can be anything like a sport or art class or in your writings but find something where you can let the pain out. You should also find a close friend one you can trust and can tell anything to and just talk with them. Alot of times having someone to talk to about the lost of a loved one helps with the greaving process. I hope that this helps you out a little. You hang in there, everything is going to be ok

Answer 4

There is no simple answer. Some things happen that can't be controlled by anyone. A death in the family is a very traumatic experience to everyone close to the person. You can't do anything but lay back, find an outlet, and wait. Day by day, the pain will recede. The hole left in you will be there even when you have possibly gotten over it. Eventually, something will fill the hole.

Just remember, your father is in your heart forever.

Answer 5

perhaps you could work your own situation out first then u can discuss your problems with your siblings and also try to comfort them to go back to the right track.You could try to call up of speak to counsellors like those in school one or those that are open to the public.Do not fell shy while approaching them.
Although there isn't a "best way" that i can tell you but i hope you could have my blessings.May god bless you and your family.Take care

Answer 6

wow u and the last girl should get together check my answer section for the one under u she is 15 and her mom died. talk to ur mom bout things that ur feelin too talk to ur dads grave as well.talk to everyone as u know its too late when they are gone to do it so speak ya mind now. no matter what they think or want to hear make them listen to u

Answer 7

also happened to me,but my dad knew about mom. after he
died,my dad's sister and my mom's brother were a great help.
Also a pastor and a youth councilor. the best.

Answer 8

this is reallay hard- it takes time to get over stuf like this

Answer 9

i would try to remain strong, continue to try and better myself,and don't let anyone stop or change me from being who i am or what i want to become.

Answer 10

move out and get away from them