My cousin and I have basically grown up together and are best friends. I have always thought of her as another sister. She recently said that when she gets married she would want only her two sisters as bridesmaids and not me because i am not her sister. I feel so hurt. She has always told me she confides in me more than in her sisters and loves me as much or more. I would have thought that I would be her bridesmaid as well as her sisters. I would never exclude her like this. She is in a long-term relationship which is probably about to go to the next level and I find myself dreading the day that she announces they are going to marry, because I am going to be so hurt when she excludes me from it. Am i right to feel hurt or am i over-reacting?
2006-12-06 14:04:16 · 20 answers · asked by martina_ie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Have you talked to her about this? Tell her how you feel and ask her what are her reasons for only allowing her sisters be bridesmaids. Why can't she have more than 2 bridesmaids anyways? If you keep it all bottled up, eventually your relationship will be ruined by this and not her wedding.
2006-12-06 14:09:14 · answer #1 · answered by lil one 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Woah, this is a mis-titled question. You're going to get a lot of strange answers from people who didn't read the body of the question.
To answer the actual title: No, she didn't ask you to be one so you can't be one.
To answer the body: You have every right to feel hurt. You two were like sisters and best friends. However, it is important to some people that siblings be the ones up there. It could even be something that her parents have told her. (My aunt was my mother's maid of honor because my grandmother forced it.) You'll still probably get to to do the fun stuff, like wedding dress shopping, without having to spend the money and time that bridesmaids have to do. So, don't worry about it too much.
2006-12-06 22:19:40 · answer #2 · answered by Esma 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to feel hurt when something like this happens but at the end of the day it's her wedding. It's her choice who she has as her bridesmaids.
Why don't you mention what you have said here. And ask her why she wouldn't want you beside her on her big day. Tell her how much the relationship you share means to you and you assumed she would want you to be there with her. Do not demand or insinuate that you are demanding to be a part of the wedding.
If she didn't invite you to the wedding at all, well then I'd be majorly p***ed.
2006-12-06 22:09:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course your hurt but at the end of the day her sisters would come first when it comes to her choice of bridesmaid...it's only natural.
Maybe she can only afford to have 2 and not 3 and maybe she regrets the fact that this is the way things are working out but I'm sure you could talk abou it.
Anyway you could be worrying over nothing, she's not engaged yet and she hasn't set a wedding date, when the ball starts to rolls she could change her mind.
2006-12-06 22:47:46 · answer #4 · answered by debs1701 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you ever think that you're not going to be a bridesmaid because you're going to be the maid of honor? You need to talk to her and tell her how you feel point blank. I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding where the maid of honor is only the maid of honor 'cause she's a childhood friend and the person the bride wants as the maid of honor is only a bridesmaid (it's not me). I'm just saying that a lot of times who gets to be what has more to do with formality. Either way talk to your friend don't let it fester.
2006-12-06 22:17:19 · answer #5 · answered by flychic 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People really surprise you during wedding planning. I have only one sister(of which we were very close, lived together in an apt, etc) who asked me to be her maid of honor and then her best friend to be her matron of honor-and didn't even tell me about it until I found out at the bridal shop. Then her bf was a b*$@% to me about feeling upset and bossed me around the whole wedding planning. So, the point is, no matter how well you think you know someone or how close you are, people are going to do what they want and what makes them happy...and I guess in a situation like their wedding day, they would be entitled. I know it hurts, but believe me, bringing it up just makes it worse, Let it go the best you can and try to put what she wants b4 what you expect.
2006-12-06 22:13:35 · answer #6 · answered by chrisj70 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe that's not the whole story. You never know. I have a cousin that I wouldn't want to be my maid of honor, but to keep family peace, I may have to make her one.
If you are willing to let go of this (even though you will still be hurt) tell her you are kind of hurt but you will understand, volunteer your help, and be prepared to do a lot, or do little. Let her know you still love her and you're there for her, and then go on acting as if it doesn't bother you (drop the subject with her). She, as a bride getting ready for a marriage, may not be thinking as clearly. Don't hold a grudge.
Also, don't take it out on the sisters.
2006-12-06 22:52:01 · answer #7 · answered by HeavenlyBoheme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she may be saying this now, but she may end up changing her mind and have you as a bridesmaid. don't be hurt. she only wants blood sisters to be in the wedding party. maybe she is going to have a really small wedding.
just think you won't have all the responsibilities that come with being a bridesmaid.
2006-12-07 13:23:21 · answer #8 · answered by Jenn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do have a right to feel hurt, but you also have a right to get over it. First of all, there's no plans for a marriage (yet), so you're getting ahead of yourself. Second, things could change in a heartbeat, so don't get ahead of yourself. There are several reasons she may have said that, and (please, I'm not trying to sound mean), it is her right to have whomever she wants in her wedding. Frankly, there are times I'd rather be a guest than a participant (more fun, less stress, and a gift from Target costs lots less than a dress+shoes+gift).
You could ask her about it if you want, be don't get angry at her for her answer.
2006-12-06 22:17:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
no i dont think you are over reacting, i would be just as hurt if i was so close to someone like that and in your situation, perhaps you should have a chat with her and get a few things clear as to how she feels about you (you dont have to mention the bridesmaid bit) only by talking to her can you find the answer and i hope its the right one for you
2006-12-06 22:09:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋