Wanting to give my daughter up for adoption at 5?

Question

I hate admiting this to people but I have a 5 year old daughter and for just about her whole life I havnt wanted to deal with her. Her father hasnt been in her life since after she was 6 months but my boyfriend has. I hate being a parent and regret never having an abortion or givng her up for adoption at birth. I cant make these feelings go away and they eat at me everyday of my life. Now that she started school its become even worse. I dont know what to do, but I have to do something. She doesnt deserve to grow up like this.....with a mother who doesnt hug or kiss or even watch TV with her. So please help me.

Answer 1

get yourself in therapy,its way to late to give her up.are you kidding.she will be haunted by that for the rest of her life.when you make a decision to have and keep a child that is for life.stop being immature and self centered .you brought her into this world,now deal with it.that poor baby

Answer 2

You know this just breaks my heart. I also have a 5 year old and she is my life. I feel so sorry for your daughter and also for you. You are really missing out on the most rewarding experience. So sad. I think you definitely need therapy. I don't think you should put her up for adoption and this is why: You are the only mother she has ever known. She doesn't have her father. If I abandoned my daughter she would feel lost and alone in the world and to do that to a 5 year old is unfathomable. You have to make yourself do right by this child. If you don't love her then fake it. Hug and kiss her whether you want to or not. She didn't ask to be born. You might start feeling the feelings if you do the actions. I don't want to seem judgemental, it's just that my heart is breaking for that poor child. I don't know how old you are or what kind of parents you had but you have to do what is right regardless. I would adopt her in a second but what she really wants is HER mother to love her. She will be extremely damaged if you let her go and she realizes one day that you didn't love or want her at 5. That would be devastating. Please, please I am begging you, do better. You can make that decision.

Answer 3

Immediately you should make a list of all the wonderful things you see within your little girl. Try to ignore the things that you dislike for this excercise and only focus on the positive. This will give you some hope as you begin working on this situation. Obviously you are the adult so this is your problem and you owe it to yourself and to her to seek some help. There are several support groups, therapists, etc. that are educated in helping handle a situation such as yours. Seek these professionals out and work towards building a loving connection with your child. If after exhausting all resources you find that you are still unable to give her the love and care that she deserves then perhaps you should seek to place her within another family. But certainly do not do this until you know with all your heart that you did everything you could. You don't want to look back later in life and regret the decesion that you made. Good luck and much love!

Answer 4

Gosh...so many negative and judgemental answers! Sweetie, someone mentioned post partum depression.....and it really sounds like that might be the case here. Being a parent is a hard job and if you have misgivings about your abilities to be a parent, it is only going to cause your baby girl to grow up miserable. Do you have any family or close friends who would be willing to foster her for awhile so that you can see about getting some counseling? Maybe if you take an action that is temporary, if you can get a bit of a break and be able to talk your feelings out with a professional, you'll discover a love for your child that you never imagined could exist.

Another thought....is your resentment of your daughter possibly really a resentment of her father?

Answer 5

I applaud you for admitting your feelings. Now you have to go forward and do something about this situation because your child needs and deserves your love, care and devotion. First, know that you desperately need therapy and counseling. You are an adult, so you must accept responsiblity for this other life that you have brought into the world. If you have a family, i.e. parents, siblings, or trusted friends, consider placing the child in a temporary setting with them so she will receive the care, love and affection that she needs until you have seen a therapist or counselor. Since she is in school, talk to the school counselor who can give you a referral so that you can seek the help that you need. Meanwhile, do some proactive things: make yourself give your child a hug when she goes to school every morning, and another when she comes home, then kiss her goodnight, and cuddle with her when possible. You'll be surprised to learn that these expressions of affection can build into real affection and love for this little girl. Fake it until you Make it! Good luck to you and your little girl.

Answer 6

WOW! Huh, I have never heard a mother say this. You have some serious issues, how was your childhood, and do you think this may be why you think of your daughter the way you do? You say you do not hug or kiss her, well that was a red flag that something serious happened to you at a young age. Before you go and make a mistake you will regret, please go talk to a counselor or a therapist, one for you and one for the both of you to see together, and what are your bf thoughts on this matter? Since he has been around for so long technically he is the Dad, does he agree with you or have you discussed this with him?

Answer 7

If you leave her now she will always remember the emptyness that followed. She'll not forget you nor will it be easy for her. I can't imagine staying would be any easier. But, leaving now will prevent her much heartache and pain...that will likely make her a very rebellious unruly child.

I have personal experience with a girl whose mother did not want her. Her father took her and raised her since she was in kindergarten. She had much hatred and violence as a youngster. But, with the love of her father she worked it out. She's now attending NYU premed. She's turned her life around.

The point is, either way she will have issues. But, if it's done now with loving parents she will be a productive adult. Heck, she'll probably be successful too.

If this is what you want check out your local adoption agencies via the phonebook or google. Interview them. Make sure you are really comfortable. They will offer you the counseling you need. And, you have time to decide if this is right for you or not.

Otherwise, it would be ideal if your parents or siblings could help you out. Especially if they talked you into something you weren't comfortable with in the first place.

Believe me, there are a ton of people who wish they had a family...

Answer 8

You sound like you have thought about this. And as sad as it is, it would be worse to keep her in your home, as you said she gets no love.

Don't let the other comments here bother you. YYou can't for your self to love someone or soemthing.you need to do what is best for your daughter and you. If it is to give her up. Then so be it. She may grow to hate you when she gets older. But children are more adaptive and perspective than people give them credit to be. My daughter can tell when I'm in a bad mood and wanting to be alone *every mother has those moments* and she'll ask to go to my moms.

As for the process I am not sure, I would talk to your family if they are still involved to see if they would take her. If not CPS or some similar type of agency would be your best bet.

Answer 9

you must have been thinking of this for a long long time and time can get away with self
but you daughter deserves a better ife where love is ever present its not late to send hwer away if that what you really feel best for her and you, but do remeber that this cant be a I want her back now thing or you will messy with her emotions and cause lasting damage if you do want to give her up pleas make sure do it the right way throught a well know agceny, My husband was adopted out and he knows he had a older sister but has no bad feeling towards his real mum as he loves his adopted parents and is graat full he had a loving home

Answer 10

That is so horrible. I can't believe you would even be considering this at this point in your child's life. You made the decision to have sex, and that decision brings about consequences! There are many women out there, myself included, who cannot have children of our own, and here you are, blessed with a little girl, and you don't want '. . .to deal with her.' How selfish can you get?!

I would gladly adopt your little girl, her age no matter. And I assure you that here she would know beyond the shadow of a doubt that she was loved. I grew up with a mother much like you, and quite frankly, there were many times I had wished she did give me up for adoption. I have a feeling, however, that this resentment is not towards your daughter, but towards her father. I still believe to this day that my mother treats me the way she does because when she looks at me, she can see my father.

Bah! I can't believe this.

Answer 11

you really need to get some help. if you still feel the same way after getting therapy then you should give her up for adoption to a family member or someone that is close to her and you know that would love her. she is a child and deserves to have a family that will love her unconditionally. whatever you do make it quick because her well being is at stake. the longer she goes without you showing her love and affection the harder it will be on her to grow into a normal adult. it has been proven that children that do not get the love and attention that they need have a harder time with relationships as an adult. you are going to wind up screwing her life up forever if you don't do something quick.