Spanked my Sister?

Question

Well last year my parents passed away and my younger sister(she is 17 i am 24) came to live with me. Well she had been acting out a bit the last 3 months but nothing serious. But a few days a go she showed up at the house at 4 in the morning clearly drunk(probably done drugs) Well first i figured I should take care of her now and we would discuss it tommrow. So i took care of her and what not. The next day I went in to her room to speak to her about it and she cussed me out. I was so upset i pulled her over my knee and spanked her long and hard. Her bottom was crimson. I left her to collect herself and came back to speak with her about 10 mins later. We hugged, I explained my situation layed out some rules and all that jazz and then we went to a movie. Thinks have been quite a bit better since then. But I just kept feeling weird about it liek I mean i am her sister it was weird to step into the mom mode. do you think this is too werid?

Answer 1

No not at all....she knows the deal now.....her acting out was just a cry for help.....And you stepped up to the plate....by you doing what you did....it gave her a since of security.....she needed that....it sounds weird but it's all good....

Kudos to you

Answer 2

I'm surprised that you haven't gotten a lot of crank answers. But if you want a real answer I can try.

The oddest thing about your situation is not your relationship but her age. 17 is a bit old to be spanked, even 12 is pushing it. However, your situation is also not typical. Losing parents can be extremely traumatic and leave you emotionally scarred in ways that you may not even realize. It took me probably a year to adjust after the tragic loss of my baby brother when he was 20 (I was 30). It took me another year to adjust after losing my wife to congestive heart failure even though she had been diagnosed four years earlier and steadily deteriorated.

The surprise loss of your parents can be enough to completely shatter someone and it could take more than a year to recover. I know you might feel weird about spanking her but consider two things: Would you feel better if she started using drugs, got arrested, got pregnant, or simply turned up missing instead? Probably not. Secondly, you said that things have been quite a bit better since then. If that is true then it doesn't sound like you did anything to feel weird about. Setting rules and boundaries is perfectly reasonable and your reaction comes from caring for your sister rather than just being mean or controlling. It sounds like you really have no choice right now but to provide a guardian role for your sister. Trust your yourself and let her be a responsible young adult when she is ready and be her mother until then if necessary.

Answer 3

you may only see yourself as the older sibling taking care of your younger sibling but what you have not yet realized is that you're her guardian and you do have every right to do what was best. She needed to be put in check and a little discipline and you did just that. She may seem too old for a spanking but if she was acting the age that called for a spanking than you did just the thing.

Answer 4

If not you - Who. It's obvious you love her and want her to get her act together to save herself from herself; or you would'nt care what time she got in or what she did. For her part she is probably acting out, thinking that, among other things, - now that Mom and Dad are gone - and she's 17 - she's her "own woman now", and so she's testing the waters.

Like so many teens today while she may have the body of a woman, and from TV some idea off how to flirt and use make-up, and how to dress provacatively, she's still a child in a size 4 petite, she dose'nt know the ways of the world, she doesn;t know how to balance a checkbook, understand what it takes to get up and go to work every day, take crap from a surly incompetent boss, put up with office politics, deal with the taxman, a landlord who won't fix the heat, a car that needs new tires and you've got $16.00 in your purse, a quarter of a tank of gas, a carton of spolied milk and a jar of olives in the fridge, a hamper full of dirty laundry, and it's still 6 days til payday.

You're scared to death that she is going to quit school, or come home and announce she's pregnant, or start shooting heroin. You want to give her "Her Space" and her privacy, but she's becoming more distant and moody. When did she start swearing like a trencherman? And that makeup? God - She put's it on like a circus clown now - she 's so pretty - now it's like she goes out of her way to look frumpy and bizzare. The clothes she wears these days - nothing matches - and those boots - Gawd! She used to be so particular about her appearance, - everything JUST HAD to match, had to be just so. And now. . . .You used to share everything, she was your shadow, your little bunny, thrilled when you'd take her out shopping - and always stop at McDonalds for lunch together, not in the car - INSIDE at a table. And then her first period - it was you she came to - not mom.

So now you decide you need to use "tough love" to straighten her out. A good choice - but I think your understanding of "tough love" is a little confused with guilt, and you are sending her a very confused message, which says, among other things, - " see how easily I can be manipulated by guilt?

Let's see.

Tough love: You spanked your own little sister this morning. Good!! She needed it.

OH OH Guilt. Then you hugged, (Probably even said you were sorry too).

Tough love again: You laid down the law. Good!

OH OH Guilt Reward: You take her to a movie.

When you punish - punish. Later you can explain why her own foolish actions brought the punishment upon herself. But you do not apologize. She broke the rules, she did the deed, she put herself at risk. Remember children wake up everyday wondering if the rules have changed in their favor, and then set out to find out.if they have

So love her, but make her earn your trust, and make the rules clear and fair. Allow for "special occasions and circumstances" to be set up AHEAD of time NOT AFTER the fact. Let's say she's supposed to be home by 10:00 on a school night, and she dosent make it in til 10:30, and her excuse is "traffic" - no excuse - kids know better that you & I do how much traffic there is on the roads at night, so Busted - she suffers the penalty for whatever the offense calls for. Discipline is a hard master.

On the other hand where there are "sticks", there should also be "carrots", sit down and figure out rewards that appeal to her - staying out til midnight on a school night if she get an "A" on a Test, or some thing else, She gets that new pair of jeans she's been after if she baby sits all week and helps her little sister with her homework everynight that week.

No more "Goth" make up, hair, wardrobe, and combat boots. Reward - lets get her a driver's permit, and find a "beater" that she can drive to school.

Make it clear that until she reaches her legal majority of 18 or 19, or 21 - depending on the laws of your state, that you as her next of kin, are her legal guardian. Explain that you want nothing more that to be her big sis, but since mom & dad are gone, you are also going to have to act in their stead in some situations as a parent. And yoiu only want to act in her own best interest when her judgment is impared, or she is acting the fool; and you hope that she can understand and respect that, and if she's willing to try so are you. Good Luck Big Sis

I'm pulling for you.

Answer 5

NOOO. that wasnt weird. with you being the older sibling you have to discipline your little sister so that she doesnt become a even bigger problem in society. its also a show of dominance that you are not putting up with her bull **** and that you demand respect as a older sister taking care of her. just remember that the younger you learn to respect people the less *** kickings you recieve and the longer you live. she may have thought that cursing people out is cool, and instead of learning it in the street which could become a brutal *** kicking she learned at home by an controlled adult. good job

Answer 6

What a shame that your sister let herself get out of control. I wouldn't condemn you for what you did - you needed to get her attention and I'm sure you did. Obviously she's still hurting from the loss of your parents and needs some direction and some help in how to deal with it. I'm not going to be all touchy-feely and suggest counseling, but I would suggest meeting with some older member of the family or similar authority figure and have your sister get her angst out in the open.

Until then, stay firm and loving. She needs support, not coddling.

Answer 7

i've got been a splash one sitter maximum my existence and the 1st factor each and all of the parents have reported to me if their toddlers desire a spanking to not hesitate as long as they deserved it a number of those parents are stable pals of mine and if i had toddlers of my own they have an identical permission to smack my toddlers besides. You had your parents permission that's what counts here so it fairly is okay to spank her while necessary.

Answer 8

No its actually natural. When ure mom passes away, the older sibling steps in. Dont feel bad and move on.

Answer 9

i thinks its weird that a 17 year old is getting spanked, but it is normal for an older sibling to take on the role of parent. do what you gotta do to straighten her out

Answer 10

There is nothing wrong with that. You are mom or dad for her now. She's under your authority, and therefore you have all the right to discipline her. It seems to have worked, good job.