Darkness surrounds me, pain is all I feel
Like I'm drowning in this air I breath is any of it real
Emotions overcome me I cut but don't feel the pain
The storm of my life my tears are the rain
People all around me just walk on bi
While I'm stuck in this moment just waiting to die
The one's tat I love,always go away
It's just not fair why do they leave when I have to stay
Life's full of joy and happiness or so they say
No one ever want's to talk about the hurt and the pain
If the world is so perfect then why do I want to leave
if god does exist y don't I believe
I stand in a crowded room but i stand alone
I live in a house; it's not a home
No one could feel the way that I do
thats the storm of my life nothign ever changes ,
nothings ever new !
2006-12-06 11:51:32 · 16 answers · asked by emma c 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
That is REALLY sad but a GREAT poem at the same time... Hope ur happier now
2006-12-06 12:22:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not bad. Technique is lacking and the themes repeat too randomly but from an non-technical point of view it is pretty good.
Depressive poetry is actually the easiest kind to write in some ways as the theme is constant and the emotion reduces the need for some of the standard processes most poems need.
For example:
On Saturday it fell apart
I knew it would from the start
This time I know I can not cope
Serves me right for having hope
Looking inside all is dark
Without love I've lost the spark
Lost my way and lost my light
Lost my truth and the will to fight
Crumbling like an ancient tower
Falling apart under eldrich power
Without love I just not that stable
Perhaps I'm Pisa, no - I'm Babel
Nothing to do but accept fate
I'll just lie back and sit and wait
Without my love there's nothing new
So I'll wait forever, I'll wait for you.
I just wrote that then, took all of 25 mins to do. It's not very good (as I am sure you noticed) but it does have something in it just because the themes draw a level of emotion from the reader.
Have you heard the song "Faster" by the Manic Street Preachers? It is a song about self harm and is well worth listening to.
Anyway I hope you are a bit more optimistic these days. Have fun and keep writing - you show some real promise.
2006-12-06 20:29:36 · answer #2 · answered by monkeymanelvis 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow.
im a poet myself, and i have some rather dark ones about jumping off a cliff.
just one thing, words ending with ing and ly are ones you want to keep to aminimum. you dont have many, but just watch out. i like the last line in the first stanza. its deep.
i have felt that way before, and you do a really good job of explaining depression.
keep it up!! (not the pain, the poetry)
2006-12-06 20:02:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your poem sounds like a wonderful release~ I am glad that you shared it. Even though you clearly stated it was a self-harm poem I am sorry that some people felt the need to make snide remarks. I think it is great that you were able to share it.
2006-12-06 20:04:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
gees I dunno Hope your not still feeling like cutting and hurting yourself babes.......
Other than that I'd say you'v got quite a bit of talent there in your head very good poem other than the darkness that surrounds it......... writing poems is a good way of expressing yourself and also dealing with your problems. I hope that's what it did for you...
I used to write alot of poems like that when I was a teenager but i would never show anyone, but no-one knows who you are that's the joy of the internet hey.....
All the best and take care my friend......
Ibanez xoxo
2006-12-06 20:05:06 · answer #5 · answered by ibanez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have had depression too but never wrote about it. Your poem is very dark which sounds like a perfect combo of depression. I felt that way to. Seeing how pedro's answer sucked we should kill something very dear to him and see if he get depressed. I liked the poem.
2006-12-06 19:58:06 · answer #6 · answered by Gamerdude 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
WOW. I've just come out of the black hole myself. Your poem is very good. Hope you feel better now. Why not write us a poem about feeling better. Here's to HOPE!!!
2006-12-07 01:17:34 · answer #7 · answered by oli4p 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you were feeling very low and alone at that time the poem is very moving by the way l think it is a very sad poem but l think you should try and get it published.
2006-12-06 20:03:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is amazing! I wish I could write instead of well you know... maybe I will try...nope I got nothing... keep up the word! (by the way I hope your feeling more upbeat!
2006-12-06 20:06:18 · answer #9 · answered by ocfan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats actually a really good poem, i hope you are feeling happier now though.
2006-12-07 13:12:51 · answer #10 · answered by Compassionate 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋