A friend with borderline personality disorder?

Question

I have a friend that has been diagnosed and has been seeing a counselor. At times he gets depressed and has an 'i just dont care anymore' attitude and refuses to help himself and is very self destructive. He quit taking his meds and canceled his last appointment with his therapist saying that it isnt working and that it will never work. He used his time off to experiment with methamaphetamines and have unprotected sex. I tried to explain to him that he has to make an effort instead of just giving up all of the time. His only reply is that I dont understand, I dont know what Im talking about and that he is hopeless. How can I help him stay focused? Any resources that I can lead him to?

Answer 1

Your friend may need some more enforced intervention, such as maybe a stay in the mental health unit in a hospital. Sounds as if it is spiraling out of control, and the longer he waits to seriously seek help the worse off he will be.

Answer 2

I to have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I wish not to expound much on this subject now but I will say that just "knowing" WHY I did some of the things I had done was half the battle. It explained a lot. I also know that the Psyche's out there (medical Field) will & do label anyone with anything in a general way. I will tell you that life has been very very hard at times because of my disorder(S)
Borderline personality disorder is a "general" disorder. Most people have many, some or most of the symptoms of this, ie: general. It can be real. It is curable. But your friend →HAS← to be willing to communicate openly. With you or someone they can trust. Your friend has to be able to practice throwing ANYTHING that is going on in their mind at ANYTIME & this they will have to learn to do with repetition. That is so very important. At least is was & is for me. They need to release the things that are keeping them prisoner of there own mind. Most of the above answers are good in part or whole. Their right. Do not give up. Your friend may need meds except the side affects of them can be worse than the disorder itself depending on the meds. They may help.
Please keep an open mind here if you are a non-believer. Christ can heal.۩ If you don't now, find a church. Don't go to one because you didn't like it. Go to another then another until your friend finds one that feels right.
I must bow out of this now. My mind is reeling of my past.
I am so glad that people are still answering this an hour later

Answer 3

One thing I beg you not to do and that is cause him fear of Abandonment. You do however need to set boundaries with him, try this with his participation as it is more likely to work. Explain to him that the responsibility for his welfare is his alone, that you will also be there to support him, but do not have the experience to help him through such tough times. People with borderline do not normally have the intention to act on suicide it is a cry for emotional help. You must not take on any guilt for not being able to be there for him at the times that he may need you. However, when a person with borderline feels this way, it may be easier for you to imagine a child of 2 or 4 feeling scared, because that is how it can feel. I am recovering from BPD

Answer 4

Your friend is suffering. "Staying focused" is not probable when you are in that much emotional pain. When he says you don't understand him, acknowledge that he must be very frustrated to not be understood. Though you mean well by it, try not to solve his problems: just try to validate what he is feeling and listen to him. Rather than saying "you should do this/that ..." say things like "you must be so angry/hurt/upset ..." and then LISTEN to him. He is living in his emotions, so you have to connect with him there.

His reality is his reality, and even if you think or know it is wrong, it is still true to him. Ask him what he plans to do when he complains and don't judge when he tells you. When you listen with compassion and when you validate his emotions, you will be shocked at how much emotional pain he expresses.

Most importantly, you cannot help him all by yourself so check out the resources below. They are both credible and wonderfully helpful people.

Dr Marsha Linehan has developed a therapy called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Unlike other forms of therapy which can inflame the person even more, this one shows promise in helping people with BPD. Go to: http://www.Behavioraltech.com for more information. When looking for a therapist, make sure you find some who is certified in DBT, not just familiar with it.

As a friend or relative, you can attend seminars and learn about this destructive personality disorder. Go to Valerie Poor's website: http://www.tara4bpd.org/

Best of luck to you in your journey

Answer 5

About all I can tell you is good luck. My son is schizophrenic and he has been in and out of hospitals most of his life. The last time he was in the hospital for a little over a year before they finally made him realize he could not function without his meds. It's an incredibly tough road. Most of the time they think that the medication is their problem and they go off it. I hope everything turns out alright for your friend.

Answer 6

Your a good friend to want to help, but he is right you don't understand.(unless you too suffer from this) It is not easy keeping and maintaining friendship with this type of illness, for either persons. You can ask my friends!! I also have BPD among other diagnosed mental issues. I think your an awesome friend to try to understand your friend and his/her illness. I know he/she needs a friend that won't judge or lecture him/her. Just have compassion. Also let him/her know how much you care. With the right medication and doctors things WILL be better.We all have good days and bad days.

Answer 7

just be there for him, keep tabs on him, and try to keep him involved in life. just dint let him manipulate you (a key trait of the disorder) even with with treatment , he will always have ups and downs. offer to go with him to therapy for a session or too, and talk with them about the situation in a non judgmental way. the worst thing you can do is cut him completely off, that will trigger more issues with him if you guys are close. but you cant let him control you or your life, and if you get to that point, you may just have too. you can always call his therapist too, on his behalf, and speak in general terms what can be done to help someone with the disorder. and remember, if he is close to hurting himself or others (threats or actions) don't be afraid to call 911 for help. but when it comes down to it, only that person can help himself

Answer 8

The symptoms you have described are very typical. It is hard to deal with someone who is either depressed or self indulgent.
Perhaps try and schedule events- movies, ball games to go to with him.
And don't take it personally if he cancels or does things that infuriate you.It's all part of the disorder.
Good luck

Answer 9

Your friend need's to be an in patient in a behavioral clinic to help him learn to deal with his mental disorder. They can help him to understand his illness, and the importantance of taking his meds. Mental Illness is treatable and managable with counseling and medication.

Answer 10

Sounds like he has bi polar. Someone needs to convince him to take his meds...they are very important in the healing process. He's feeling very depressed. If he were on his meds, he would not be so disconcerned about everything. Talk to his parents.