Does anyone think this is wrong?

Question

I'm still kind of getting back with my ex, but i'm also interested in pursuing a new guy from work. Is this wrong to have both guys on the side? I don't plan on having sex with this new guy, but I do have sex with my ex bf. I plan on letting my ex know if anything changes, but in the meantime is it ok to be dating both?

Answer 1

If your ex was doing the samething and you were fine with it. Then it wouldn't be wrong.. Thats the way I see it..

Answer 2

It's all about what you tell each of the guys -- though you're setting yourself up for some uncomfortable times in the future, just so you know.

You don't have to sit down at the restaurant on your first date with the new guy and say, "You should know I broke up with my ex but we're still seeing each other for sex, and I'm not planning on sleeping with you. Are the clams here any good?" Or more to the point, if you do, it's guaranteed to simplify your life. :-)

At the same time, pretending you're being faithful (for lack of a better word) with either of them is not only deceptive, but it's inviting disaster, because sooner or later you'll slip, or the two guys will bump into each other in the hall, and you'll find out the reason people say, in circumstances like this, that you're screwed.

And in any event, it's all well and good to say "I never told either guy he was the only man in my life," but guys don't work that way. Your ex might or might not accept it. He might not because you have a history with him and he's likely, even after the breakup, to feel some kind of possessiveness (no, it doesn't make sense, but since when do guys make sense?) And he might accept it because, at the end of the day, he's the one getting laid, and that makes just about any merely emotional discomfort tolerable. For a while, anyway.

Your new guy might not accept it because he may be unsettled at the thought that you're still in a relationship, and at a level of physical intimacy that he isn't, and may not be eligible for. Then again, he might accept it, for a while, because the fact that you're having sex with your ex means that you're giving it up to SOMEBODY, and he therefore has at least a mathematical chance of getting some himself.

And then there's your job outlook. Because the new guy works with you, you can look forward to uncomfortable silences and/or outright hostility when this all plays out, and the whispering campaign gets going in full tilt about you.

And lest you think I'm coming down on you too hard... well, let's just say that I have complete and utter sympathy for what you're going through, and I know, personally, how uncomfortable what you're about to go into can be.

So... as difficult as it can be, your life is going to be a lot worse if you keep dithering between the two guys. It'll be hard, but eventually a lot cleaner, if you just suck it up and pick one.

If you're ready for that. If not... well, there are rewards to having two lovers at the same time (and no, I don't mean in the same room, I mean in the same week). Everybody ought to do it once... if only so you know why it's not a good long-term strategy.

Answer 3

If anything, you can have the respect for both people to let them know you are "talking" to someone else. If you have some sort of emotional attraction to both then you don't want to ruin one or the other by hiding it. If you are single and not dating either one, I don't see a problem with it. But don't lead them on if you know that's not what you want. Karma comes back to all that deserve it and you wouldn't want that done to you! Be safe and be careful with whatever you do!

Answer 4

If you are going to see the both men, then be open and honest with both of them. Technically you are not doing anything wrong as long as all the people that you are dating know that you are dating other people. You are not married, but you have to respect their decisions if they do not want to go along with your program. Best wishes!

Answer 5

no,. that is a bad idea. it is like you are cheating on him. The best thing to do is to find the best one. and if you got divorced to your ex cause of judgemental issues, or cause he wasn't the right one, then you should stop the relationship instead of going to back. you never know what is going to happen. he might lock you up into a room, or try to kill you. The best thing to do is just take time. no rushes. it takes alot of time. same with friends too. if you decide to be with another guy then just FIRST talk. and then if you re ready then go on dates. and spend time with him. talk about yourself. and about him to.

Answer 6

Its a reason why he's your ex. There's no harm in dating but try not to get anyone hurt. Or end up getting your self hurt in a situation like this. Use your common sense on this one.

Answer 7

naughty child! sex before death is completely out of the question! now go to your boyfriends and tell them that you have decided to become a nun and not hav sex with anyone except the other women at the abby! go! quick before anyone else comes into the picture, (i guess you could have three way sex though, o nevermind. go to an abby and become a good girl, maybe ill see you there)

Answer 8

dont date both....
it will eventually become too complicated and then you will end up losing BOTH of them and hurting yourself in the end...

why choose to lose both when you can have one

beside i doubt it will last long
u and ur ex
if you 2 were made for eachother then u woulnt break off at the first place would you......

Answer 9

i think it is very wrong to be in two different relationships at the same time. choose the one u can be MORE happy with, even if its tough to choose. the other, just make him a very good frend. and, since ur not married, u shouldnt be having sex with anybody. but depending on how old u r, its ur decision, try to make the right one...

Answer 10

a ex is a ex for a reason sum times we forget how they where a-- holes in the past I would move on with the new guy