Is it wrong to trick a man into getting you pregnant...?

Question

I was married for about 10 yrs and my ex kept insisting that we should wait until we had kids (he has 2 already and never sees them ). I thought this was ok as I was concentrating on my career. I fell pregnant by mistake and our marriage went down hill - he admitted that he did not want to have children full stop.

He left when my beautiful son turned 2. My son was born disabled and he could not handle this.

Now I have a dilema - I have fibroids and my doctor says that I will have to my womb removed in about 2 yrs. I do not want my son to grow up by himself - what will happen to him when I am gone?
It is unlikely that I will find another partner as it is difficult with a disabled child.
I am contemplating making a move on one of my colleagues during the office xmas partiess. I think that they will take any thing offered to them (sexually) and I could make sure that they are a bit drunk. I'm leaving soon and they need not know. My best pal says this is wrong. Is it?

thanks for your responses - re adoption - I'm a single parent - I've check it out - I'm not in a favourable position.
Sperm Banks - they have run dry due to recent legislation.

Thanks to those who offered support. I know I sound a bit crazy, but I was feeling a bit desparate about my situation - having aired it I feel a bit calmer. thanks

Answer 1

kinda but its sneaky.... why not... if u really wanna.

Answer 2

DON'T TRICK ANYONE!! That's just wrong, it's immoral, and not the way to bring another life into the world. I realize you've looked at other options, and haven't come up with a viable solution yet, but what about (and this may sound weird) putting out a "personal ad--looking for a sperm donor?" Offering no strings, no guilt, no involvement sex in exchange for some DNA. This will even allow you to screen potential candidates. It may seem bold and crazy (although you've already thought of a very "bold" solution yourself) but if you're that desperate, might this work? Also, I don't know where you live, but what about going somewhere (another country) where sperm banks are still an option. I know a lot of women in the states go to Europe for IVF because it's cheaper, maybe you could go somewhere where sperm banks are still an option. Good luck, and I hope you can find a way without duping some poor guy into being an unwitting "donor."

Answer 3

What sort of a selfish person are you? I cannot believe you're even asking this? Of course it is wrong to trick a man into getting you pregnant! It is also sick and twisted!! Have you ever considered adoption? Though if you have a mind like this I'm a bit worried by this! Would it not be a better idea to give the son you have got as much love and attention as you possibly can and concentrate on just him? Also, why would you want to have another child who doesn't have a father? And what about the poor guy you're thinking of tricking into it? I feel so sorry for him! To me it's as if you're saying your son is not enough and that isn't right. It's not about him being by himself. He could always go into foster care. I think you seriously need to consider whether you are right in the head!

Answer 4

i can understand where you are coming from, but it is wrong. not wanting your child to be alone is difficult, but tricking a fella into bed is not the answer. How do you know you wont find anyone? ok you may have a disabled son, but not all men are like his dad.
what happens if you do get pregnant at the office party and in a few years this child asks about his father, it will not be fair on the child, have you looked into adoption? have you any family that will be there for your son if anything happens? like i say i can understand why your thinking of getting pregnant with a work colleague, to be honest if i was in your situation i would no doubt think the same, but in a few years time, questions about the father will be asked, are you able to answer them? good luck in whatever you decide, your son is just lucky to have such a loving mother to bring him up.

Answer 5

Yes very wrong you cannot treat someone like that if you want to go down this road there are sperm banks you can use and volantry sperm donors which you will no doubt find out about on the internet they are there for this reason. As for the fibroids my best friend had bad fibroids she was bleeding heavilly and in a lot of pain but she fell pregnant after having them for years the baby actually squashed them as they now cannot be detected on a scan, as for meeting a potential partner whilst having a disabled child, a geniuine guy who likes you would see you as a package and would love you and your son, my nephew is severly autistic and my sister met a nice bloke that loved her and her son dispite his condition they then went on to have a beautiful daughter so it can work out, all men are different as are us women good luck I hope it works out for you

Answer 6

Morally it is wrong. First of all there is the guy's rights as a father. Then there is the child's right to know their father. Then there will be other questions that the child will have about their conception and why daddy isn't around. You could lie, but the truth has a rather uncomfortable way of outing itself in these situations. There is also your health to consider. What if you die whilst either getting pregnant or giving birth? Then your existing child will truly be alone.

It's not up to me or anyone else to judge you, but just consider some of these things before making any life changing decisions!

Answer 7

yes it is wrong.
umm, but there's nothing stopping u arranging 4 a sperm-donor is there, if u want another child?
who has the right 2 dictate what u should or shouldn't do.
take ur chance b4 it slips u by.
if he won't oblige find some1 who will.
just decide very carefully b4 u make this step, is it 4 u or so ur son doesn't grow up alone? he does have u and will have u 4 as long as he needs u.
i'd worry about the burden u mayb passing on 2 a yet unborn child.
had u thought of that?
back 2 thinking about it, if i were u.

Answer 8

Obviously, this is ethically wrong on a few levels. There are plenty of other options for pregnancy without a partner (artificial insemenation) other than intercourse. I know that your situation must be more difficult than I can even imagine, but your plan is not the way to achieve your goal. Your future second child will grow up eventually and have questions. If your answers are not airtight, this future child will be very confused at least, and emotionally disturbed at worse (anxiety, abandonment issues, etc.)

Answer 9

Yes it is very wrong!
The poor guy you trick into having sex with you might have alot to lose. And not to tell him you have gotten pregnant to him is just not on - what if you 'pick' someone who's always wanted kids? You'd be depriving him of being a father. What if, later in the child's life, a medical history is needed of both parents?
If you want another child as a single mother, consider using a sperm donor.
Like the other answerer said: think about it!

Answer 10

Was he forced to have sex with her? Or did he do so on his own? I'm guessing there was no force involved, and he performed willingly. Therefore, he accepts all consequences and resposibility from his action. If he is not willing or prepared to become a parent and support the child, he should not be having sex, even with any assumed birth control. No form of contraceptive is 100% effective. The only 100% effective form of birth control is abstinence. Also, why should the child be punished for the stupidity of the father? Child support is not a "reward" to the mother. She will be paying a lot more than he will to raise the child. Child support is only the financial part of raising a child, and not the entire amount. The mother is responsible for part of the financial responsibility also. Plus, how much is the TIME to raise a child worth?

Answer 11

It is wrong and you know it is. It is unfair to the man because it would be his child as well. It will not solve your problem either. the child will be younger than your son for one thing and for another why would you have another child just so that they could be with the disabled sibling. You do not know that that will happen the other child could just go on with their life and not sacrifice it to be nurse to a disables brother. You need to get to a lawyer and arrange for some type of care for you son after you are gone. That is the only way to be sure what will happen to him after you are gone.