family issue thats my fault please help?

Question

i cant stop fighting with my mum and i dont know why. i get mad at her and then she gets super mad at me and we both end up screaming and slamming doors. this is not tipical teenage stuff and im 13. at night right over are mother/daughter battle i feel so guilty that i cry myself to sleep. when i try to tell her im sorry, she acts like im a lying brat and that i dont mean it altough i really do. im so mean i cant stand my self anymore. everything i do or say is disrespectful and i just keep messing up and ruining everyones day. i just feel so bad at what i do. please help me and only kind answers please.

Answer 1

sweety, you are going through some changes in your life at your age, we have have been through that, and your mom of all people should recognize that. when you get a moment and both you and your moms head are clear, set her down, wrap your arms around her and tell her you love her. you both will start crying for a while then you will start laughing unmercifully. your mom loves you and one day, believe it or not, you two will be the best of friends

Answer 2

sometimes silence is golden, just try to hug your mother. say nothing, go up to her and hug her and wait a minute and then tell her thank you for all the times that she worried about you. See what happens. I have a 13 year old daughter and we have a good relationship, but when we do get mad at each other we go into our rooms and wait until we "feel better" and then discuss what our viewpoints are. Use a time limit for each person to speak and during that time that person should not be interrupted. Since your mother is hopefully a good mother you should let her speak first, and really listen, not just dismiss it because what you hear is not what you want to hear. Don't read statements into your mothers behaviour! She acts like you are a lying brat... she might just have her feelings hurt by what has happened in the past. Give her a chance to be a parent and let her take the lead!

Answer 3

When you are in that kind of pattern words start meaning much less...
Start by not saying anything else and start sincerely "showing" you're sorry,
do the things she asks of you (chores, calling to check in ..etc) and then do things she hasn't asked of you, if there are a few dishes in the sink, wash and put them away, take out the trash, make breafast for the two of you so you have an extra meal together, things like that , don't respond the way she thinks you always do, if she brings up something that you know you did wrong, it will blow her mind if you say, I know mom, and I am trying to work on that will you let me know if I do it again so I'll be more aware.
Show her how much you appreciate her, thank her everytime she cooks, drives you somewhere, reminds you to do homework, whatever...
Keep in mind she is crying too, and it takes awhile to get over hurt and trust again...
And if you take my advice and take the challenge to be the first to change, do not expect results overnight...(it may take weeks , months) you have to prove it's sincere and you are really making the changes... When you decide to do it.. decide it's for who you want to be as a person, without expecting anything of her... Don't throw it back in her face the next time you argue...

I know that when we are truly sorry actions are what makes it visible.. when you have had a few good weeks then you can sit down and say whats in your heart and learn to stop the pattern sooner...
Keep a journal for yourself , everyday write at least one positive thing you changed and how it made a difference... Then write one thing you know you need to work on...
Keep notes on your progress, when you slip back into the "bad" behaviour, what caused it...

And remember, she loves you... and she really does have your best interests at heart....

(I'm a mom who had 3 stepkids and then 2 of my own and was married to a man who put me in the position to always be the bad guy... and it's hard on Moms these days..)
shes scared for you and all the things you guys have to deal with ... and she wants you to grow up and be a happy and healthy adult, not a teen statistic of what went wrong...

I hope you guys have a wonderful holiday this year , and I hope you can feel great about the way things changed because of your decision to be honest with yourself...

The holidays are a great time to ask her to do things with you, shopping, offer to wrap presents with her, help her with cards, learn to cook her fav recipes, make crafts, decorate...

Answer 4

I fought with my mom a lot when I was younger, too. I think it's because we had so much in common, oddly enough. Now we're super close, though.
I would recommend:
1. Counting to ten whenever you feel like you're headed over the edge...or 20...or 30...
2. If she does something that is really bothering you, calmly and politely explain why it is bothering you, and ask if she could stop.
3. Have conversations with her prior to the blow up, about normal things. then you'll have a better understanding of what she has going on and might be able to think of that before you fight with her again.
4. If she seems tense, ask her what is wrong-that generally heads off disagreements.
Good luck, it sounds like you are trying really hard and that's what is most important!

Answer 5

i know most of us at your age went throught the same situations.
but sometimes there are reason behind why you're acting this way. which is why, like everyone else i would suggest counseling. you may not realize it know but there are reason for those reactions, that you understand better when attending counseling app's. it's better to deal w/things now then later or never! but your not mean at all you feel guiltly and that a good sign. just remember try to stop arguing and enjoy eachother instead! hopefully this is just a phase and after you guys will be b/f =]. good luck

Answer 6

This sounds horrible.

Very rarely is this kind of thing totally the kid's fault. If it were me, I would do some snooping around. I'd do my best to find out what it is that has your mom so upset in general. The tough thing is to do this without your mom finding out, thereby making her more upset. This may require asking other family members about it discretely.
When you find out what it maybe, see about getting it corrected for her.

Also, it is not right for her to pick fights with a 13 year-old. She must be trying to vent but does not have the proper vehicle to do so.

Answer 7

it is the hormones honey. i still fight with my mother until we cry. it is hard for two women to live in the same house and you are becoming a woman. you need to try to think before you let loose. walk away and try to talk when you are both calmed down. i have 3 girls of my own now and and can only imagine the brawls that are to come. good luck. tell her you love her more. mom's need to hear that more than you know

Answer 8

honestly, this isn't the proper position to locate an answer on your situation, regardless of as a lot element as you've provided, this calls for a head to head communicate. you want to locate someone you've faith to communicate with, a practise counselor in school, a pal, cousin, instructor, neighbor, yet honestly no longer someone on line. My own suggestion is to ascertain out your human being motivation; no longer saying who's faulty or properly, yet continually manage your household basically as they're: family individuals. manage them properly even at the same time as they manage you incorrect. both they are going to substitute and manage you good because they experience undesirable you manage them so good (i.e. volunteering each of the lamest chores, letting somebody else have the perfect cookie and so on) or they don't desire any palms to indicate at you because you're so good to them. Now in case you eventually end up tricky this effortless task already with such issues as "you do not comprehend, they're going to easily try this and that...." then you actually have already got the incorrect concepts-set. you should inspire your self. you should comprehend your human being strengths and comprehend you're good at some issues and under no circumstances issue about them. locate someone to communicate with and manage your household good, and advise it once you do it! they're your household. and under no circumstances evaluate slicing or suicide, because you're worth more beneficial than that no count number who you're. wish issues get extra valuable for you! :) "Be the substitute you want to be certain interior the international" -Ghandi

Answer 9

well first off you both need to get counseling and get down to the problem with both of you guys because this is not good that it is happening to you and her you know one of the 10 commendments is honor thy father and mother and it is not good to disrespect your mom have you tried to walk away and ignore her or just go outside and breath for a moment because if you are arguing with her maybe you like arguing with her. You guys need to have open communication! Whos the one who starts it and ends it and how does it end. What if she died tomorrow or in her sleep how would you feel? Remember only one life to live and anyone could die at anytime!!!

Answer 10

maybe some counseling will help both of you,at least you reconize that this isn't doing anything but making it worse. try talking to your mom and if she isn't ready don't blow up just say ok mom i will try later.but you two must talk.counseling can help both of you get through your feelings and help you with skills so that you can talk without hurting each other and screaming.this is not typical behavior for anyone at any age.good luck.