James knows that 'Daddy' and I love him so much, it really gets me pissed when I am playing with Emma and Madison he goes, 'You love them moer than me. I know it!" It tears my heart out, we've tried to explain to him we love him just as much but they're babies and need more attention. He's been an only vhild for 4 years of his life, this was very sudden but we don't know what to do. At 27 and 29 years old we don't know how to control this sudden outburst of behavior! We thought we had the perfect child, we didn't have any terrible 2s or 3s and he got along fine with family and the older and younger kids down and up the road. We thought he would be ready for this. I need some mother to mother advice!
2006-12-06 09:53:56 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
You need to set time aside for just him you and his dad. I went through that with my daughter. But the more we starting spending alone time with her she didn't feel that way. You should start letting him help you with your twins and let him play with them too. Make him feel like he's important in helping you raise the twins. Then he'll feel like a big boy and he'll be more self confident.
2006-12-06 10:04:39 · answer #1 · answered by $$$$$$ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get him involved with some "special" help. What I mean is, make sound like you really need him to get the diapers, or bottle, or whatever. Play with him at the same time. Children regress at this age, and are upset that they are not the baby anymore, you might even catch him with their bottles or binkies, and this is would be part of regressing. Show him how much fun it is to be the "BIG" brother. When both are sleeping, do something special, whatever he wants (within reason of course), like make cookies together or go for a ten minute walk and talk, take him to a park for a bit-- just you and him. There has got to be some Mommy and me time as well as Daddy and me time. This helps to reinforce that he is not being replaced, which is what he thinks at the moment. It will take doing this for a couple of weeks before you see a change, but continue this, he will be more receptive to the newcomers, in his mind the "invaders" shortly.
2006-12-06 13:45:42 · answer #2 · answered by lisads1973 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Olivia.. this is so common. James is feeling the strain of having to share you both!! and babies need so much time and attention! This is an easy fix. When the babies are asleep, take time out with James and play one on one. Let him know how much you love him and how much HE is the BIG BROTHER and is OLDER than them and is VERY important. Letting him know that the big brother role is important will give him a sense of who he is. Have him help you take care of them. Get diapers.. feed... play with them. He needs a job in this family. He feels as though he has lost his place. Make sure there are plenty of times with just him and you. Maybe take the girls to gmas house or somewhere where you feel comfortable, and take James out for "James night".. to a movie or something. So he knows that he is important too.. Show him that he still has a place in that family.... KUDOS to you for being such a wonderul parent. Good Luck and God Bless!
2006-12-07 00:52:39 · answer #3 · answered by WestWife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your 5 year old is feeling left out try including him in on some activities that just the 2 of you can do when the babies are asleep. have your husband plan some time with him while you are busy with the babies also. you know some boy time for him and daddy, read to him and play some games with him when you get a chance , also have him go get some things for the baby for you and reward him for it, easy things like diapers, a blanket. then he won't feel so left out after all he's only 5. and still needs your attention and affection too and action is always better then words at times.
2006-12-06 10:02:22 · answer #4 · answered by Mary S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Carry twins is totally different than a single baby. Maybe what she needs from you is help with the kids so she can rest more. Feet swelling and low pain just go with pregnancy if her drs both seem to think she's ok then i would stick with that. Try explaining to her that you worry more by her not telling you more. Maybe that will help her open up. Also with twins don't expect her to carry full term most twins aren't carried past 35-36 weeks.
2016-05-23 01:53:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one and I don't know your work schedules, but I would recommend a day just for the two of you. Like say one day a week you go out and spend a day doing stuff with just him (going out for ice cream, shopping, etc.) and then another day he can do the same thing with dad. My mom does that with my siblings and I all the time. It's a good way for you to get some bonding time in as well as for him to spend that much needed time with his parents. Even if you take him to run errands with you it works. It usually doesn't matter what you're doing as long as you have some time alone together. That way when you come home later that day instead of being hateful because you're spending time with the other 2 kids, he will look back on the good day that the two of you had together. Make it something to look forward to, mark it on the calender, make it a special day and have fun with it!
2006-12-06 10:05:21 · answer #6 · answered by Amy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to include him in all that you do with the twins. It is so hard for a little one not to feel left out when a new baby comes along let-alone TWO new babies. make him feel like the big brother.....like the girls need him. This is sooooo important to do at the begining to assure they will have a love for each other and not resentment. Even when you change the babies diapers tell him "ohhh this is alot for mommy could you help me with your baby sisters" then let him take the wipes out of the holder. These small and petty things will make ahuge difference in the life of a five year old who is feeling hurt. Good Luck!!!!
2006-12-06 10:00:09 · answer #7 · answered by the_one 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like James needs some "Just James" time - when you do special, James only, "grown up" things with him. Tell him how you love spending this time with him because he's much more fun and grown up than the babies are.
As for his help and his opinion with little things. Tell him often how lucky Emma & Madison are to have a big brother like him.
He knows you love him, I'm sure - You sound like a great Mom (and a BUSY one too!) he just has a need to feel "extra-special" again.
2006-12-06 10:00:39 · answer #8 · answered by belmyst 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try planning some special time that just belongs to james. I know thats hard with two 4 month olds in the house but it is important. Or try to incorporate James into the time you spend with the babies. He could be mommy's/Daddy's little helper and tell him that he's a big boy now. Try to encourage the big brother angle and it might ease the trasition. I know its hard but these are just some suggestions. Good luck.
2006-12-06 09:58:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
awww its just the jealousy stage..it can be temporary..or last a long time. You gotta make him feel loved again. Spend more time with James than the twins. The twins are only 4 months so you don't have to worry about them getting jealous. You husband and you can take turns having quality time with James. You can take him to the park, library and make him feel like "he's more loved than the twins." Kids are like that. No worries. You got to work on it and give time. It's like when a kid is angry because the other kid gets to do this and that. Don't worry..just spend time with him and treat them all equally!
2006-12-06 09:58:42 · answer #10 · answered by cookieloveforevurr 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋