Update to kids at weddings?

Question

I just posted a question about having kids at my wedding and I got ALOT of crap for it.

1. I was told I my sisters and brothers and so fourth would be uspet with me. I posted in the originaly question that those kids are obviously invited.

2. I was told "its his wedding too", I understand that. So far he has decided on a big wedding (I want Vegas), he wants everyone and their mothers there (I want immediate family only), he wont budge on location and this is the only request I am asking for. Yeah so its a big one, but its the only one!

3. I kept being told that parents will watch their kids. No they wont! We just had Thanksgiving with them and those kids were in my boyfriends rooms spilling their food, jumping on the beds, 4 year olds taking care of 2 year olds, walking on the sofas. Kids dont care about ceremonies.

I just dont understand why some people cant be reasonable about this.

Answer 1

I'm with you on this one. For the most part, kids are really obnoxious to have at wedding ceremonies. As much as they must love sitting still and paying attention to something they don't understand, for some reason, they just don't. Go figure!

Answer 2

Well, I wanted to follow up and read your other questions and obviously I did. I can't believe the slack and the nasty responses you got for that.

We didn't have a small nor a large wedding. 100 people, that was it, including the kids, that were age 11 and up (except the flower girl and ring bearer). But if you already gave in to have the big wedding, then your future husband should meet you on this one. Compromise isn't one person meeting the other person all the way on the other end, it's meeting in the middle.

I agree with you, too many kids nowadays are spoiled rotten and not disciplined and payed attention to the way they need to be. Like I said, just because you are inviting your immediate families children does not mean that you are required to invite every child in the extended family.

I remember that someone said something about how they are giving you a gift and for that you should be obligated to invite their children, that's bogus. The gift is given by the amount of people who attend for each invite, generally $100 per person so if the kids are invited that would be another $100 in the card from that person and a babysitter would cost a lot less then that for the evening.

Sorry to be so long winded between this question and the last, but too many people feel that just because they are invited to a wedding, that they have the right to say what they want at that wedding. The wedding should be how YOU want to celebrate with the guests, not how the guests want to celebrate with you. It's coming out of YOUR pocket, mostly, not theirs. They are there to congratulate you, not to rule your celebration.

Answer 3

If you guys can't decide on this one, perhaps it's a warning of things to come once you're married. I happen to agree with you on what you're saying about kids - they break things, mess things up, can be noisy and obnoxious. No argument there. But, on the other hand, I also agree with your fiancé that if you're making it a celebration, everyone should be included - kids too. Peace in the family is VERY important. People will tell you - "it's YOUR wedding, do what you want" - but, the truth is, the ceremony is as much a family and a community affair as it is your own. If you're including these people, you HAVE to cater to them; there's just no way around it!

For the record, I'm also with you on the issue of having a big involved wedding. I was dead-set against having a "real" wedding, and luckily my husband wasn't keen on the idea either. We had a small and informal wedding, and everyone had fun. I don't think I could marry a man for whom having a big and expensive wedding was so important... this to me would signify that we would seriously differ on other important issues, such as social habits, money management, etc.

Good luck to you in this. My advice would be to bite the bullet and include everyone. One day isn't worth spoiling a lifetime of good family relations. Plan for a good honeymoon so you can get away from all this stress afterwards!

Answer 4

There are several things that you've got right in this: kids make messes and have an annoying "accidental" tendency to make the wrong noise at the wrong time...There is also nothing wrong with wanting an adult wedding. Whether or not kids are welcomed at solemn ceremonies seems to change from generation to generation..
I think the thing you are missing, however, is the word compromise. Could children be excluded from the ceremony (not difficult to state that it's an adult ceremony), and be invited to attend a child-friendly party in a room close to or adjacent to the reception, hosted by childcare providers: kid friendly food, movies, crafts, etc...with a closing curfew of your choosing so they don't all get too tired and crabby. My husband and I did this with great success. The kids would rather watch someone make baloon animals than sit with stuffy grownups any ol' day! If cost is an issue, make two childcare providers part of your wedding gift wishlist, along with an entertainer. Give the kids all Kodak disposable cameras and you'll get memories from that party too.

Answer 5

You know what? I'm totally with you. Weddings are not a place for kids. They are long, boring, and generally in church, which is a really hard place to sit still for a long time when you are a kid. Besides, you need to talk to your fiance about this- it sounds like he's running the show already. If he won't give an inch about wedding plans, ask youself what kind of a life you're signing up for. Marriage is about compromise, but both parties involved need to know how to budge when something means a lot to the person they're married to. If he can't do a few things you want for this wedding, you might want to think about renegotiating the most important part of the wedding- the groom!!!!

Answer 6

this is your wedding too! if you guys can't reach a compromise on this then just think about the rest of your lives.

why not tell your fiance that if he insists on a big wedding with everyone invited that you get to pick where it will be held.

i'm not a big fan of tons of screaming kids at weddings. however if you have to have them tell your fiance he has to hire some sitters to watch all the kids during the ceremony.

civil, responsible people will watch their kids understanding that this is a really special day for you both. rude people won't care and think that the kid knocking over all the drinks is cute.

at my wedding the youngest kid was 6. some of the family had kids under 2, and left then with other relatives so they could enjoy themselves. all the kids had a good time, since it was daytime they could go outside and play in the sand if they really wanted to.

Answer 7

Its your wedding, you get to decide when, and where. I don't think I have ever seen a man this stubborn about location and size of the wedding? Very strange. Most men just want to show up to their wedding. Do you think his parents (his mother mostly) are pressuring him to have a big wedding? Sounds like it, cause most guys don;t care about that stuff. As for having children there. Could you hire a baby sitter for the reception? I've been to wedding where they have a table set up for the kids and have people watching them. It would be more for the 1 year olds to 10 year olds. Just a thought.

I hope you get to have the wedding of your dreams. Tell your man to stop being so stubborn.
Best wishes.

Answer 8

Interesting...I'm in the process of planning my daughter's wedding, and have received a lot of similar answers, even though we're totally planning on including the kids (people don't always read the whole question)! I also find it somewhat bizarre that people would give you a hard time for having expectations for your own wedding...Isn't it "your wedding too"?

Anyway, if you had a wedding that was for adults only, you would not only not be the first, but you would also not be the last. It is ENTIRELY appropriate to invite only adults, if that's the type of event you're planning. MANY people have adults only weddings...In fact, I'm not sure most kids WANT to be at a wedding, considering the types of things that boring, old grown-ups do at weddings. Really, what 6-year old wants to listen to the best man make a toast?

I was NEVER invited to a wedding as a child. At one point, my parents dragged me along to ONE ceremony, because they couldn't find a sitter, but we left immediately following the ceremony (thank God, 'cause I was bored out of my skull!).

Hopefully, the adults at your wedding will be having so much fun, that they'll be entirely too busy to watch their kids. I'm not saying this because I wish for them to be slacker parents, but instead because I wish for you to have the type of wedding where everyone is having a fabulous time!! I'm hoping the same for my daughter's wedding!

The way we're going to get around this, is to hire a couple of babysitters to coordinate some activities for the kids. We have one end of the banquet hall that we will dedicate to the kids. They will still have access to their parents, and vice-versa, but the activities should hopefully keep them occupied, and not so bored.

For the record, I don't believe it's your responsibility to hire a sitter. We're hiring one because my daughter WANTS the kids at her wedding, and we're just working to make it an event that will be fun for them, too. However, if you invite Mr. & Mrs. Smith, that invitation does not include their children, and it is THEIR job to find someone to take care of their own children. If they can't do so, then they should simply RSVP that they can't attend.

With regard to you & your husband not agreeing on the wedding logistics...That's a tricky one. It seems that you guys need to keep having conversations, to figure out a happy medium. Yes, it's his wedding too, but let's not forget that you are at least half of the equation.

Perhaps you could do the big wedding, at his preferred location, but have the theme be "lucky in love", and play on the vegas thing...Have a cards & dice available for those who're interested in gaming during the reception.

Also, some people have a different guest lists for the ceremony and reception...Maybe you could have family only for the ceremony, and the bigger group for the reception.

Food for thought, I guess, but I think that's one you're gonna need to work on with your man.

Best of luck, and congratulations!

Answer 9

I'm soooo with you NO kids at a wedding!!! I'm gettin married next Oct and NO kids other then my and my grooms nieces and nephews will be there!! Hey if you want to bring your kid to the ceremony thats fine but not the reception. Its not the place for children....it doesnt start till 7pm there is booze and people are gettin drunk...why should a child be in that environment?? Not to add that kids are crazy at weddings and tend to ruin special moments like the daddy daughter dance by running circles around you while u try to dance...yep seen it happen! Plus you have to pay $40+ just for them to be there and that can really add up if you have a lot of kids in ur family! Its YOUR wedding do what you want and dont worry about hurting anyones feelings....your paying for it..if people complain that much about it then tell them if they are willing to help out with the cost of the wedding then go ahead and bring your kid. Good luck to ya!

Answer 10

Its your wedding, if you don't want kids there, don't allow kids there. A nice comprimise might be to hire a sitter and allow close family to leave their kids with the sitter. Just make it clear that no one under the age of 16, 18, 21, whatever... isn't allowed at the wedding or ceremony. I would also make it clear that this sitter is only for close family, the rest can leave their children at home.

Congrats on the big day.