What would you consider a HEALTHY amount of arguement in a relationship?

Question

I just want your opinions on how much fighting is too much, and what is considered a "normal" amount of disagreements. I know relationships come with fights, but how do you know whether or not it's too much? Plus, you can add details about what "angry comments" are crossing the line and shouldn't be tolerated.

Answer 1

My husband and I have some fighting rules

1.) No cussing

2.) No name calling

3.) No yelling

4.) Never in front of the kids

5.) NEVER go to bed angry.

If you can follow these rules, you're fine- as long as you aren't constantly arguing about something.

Answer 2

First of all, I'm curious why you're asking. Are you in a relationship and feel like the arguing is too much? Then it probably is. You have a partner who thinks it's too much? Then it probably is.

Some people like a certain amount of sparring in a relationship, and some people don't like any at all. It really has more to do with the people in the relationship being satisfied or not.

If there's a lot of argument about petty things, it's usually because there's some larger problem that's not getting dealt with.

As for what kinds of comments shouldn't be tolerated: I think you're really looking for patterns here. Anyone can say something really over the top nasty once or twice, but if someone is regularly hurtful, I think they're using that kind of language as a battering ram to get something they want that they couldn't get any other way. To me, that's unacceptable.

Answer 3

A healthy amount of sex in a marriage is the amount that keeps both partners satisfied. varying polls put the "average" amount of sex for American couples at anywhere from 78 to 156 times a year. Notice that 156 works out to 3 times a week for 52 weeks a year. We usually do it 3-4 times a week. I would like more, my wife is probably good with 3 times, but we both work and have other obligations that often do not leave us enough time for more. That said, we have one a day a week set aside to get together without interruptions and we usually have sex that day. Especially if in the 2 or 3 days before there has not been time. We are both late 40s and have one college freshman who lives at home. Another thing to consider. 3 times a week is a mediocre number but sometimes 3 very good sex sessions is better than 9 mediocre sessions.

Answer 4

I have been in my relationship for 6 years and we rarely argue. We have great communication and anything that is derogatory about yourself, family etc...is crossing the line. Every relationship has disagreements about money, friends, family etc...But if you argueing on a constant basis, its too much. I would have to say in 6 years my hubby and I have only had 2 really good arguements.

Answer 5

Each relationship is different.

I would consider the following unhealthy:

The same argument over and over with no resolution

Angry comments where you are called derogatory names, or purposefully made to feel or look stupid.

Any physical contact.

Arguments that begin with one incident, but escalate into everything that has possibly ever been argued about before.

Arguments that attack the person and not a specific behavior or incident.

Always being fearful of the next argument.

Arguments where you have to back down to make it stop, to no resolution.

Hope this answers your question. Best wishes!

Answer 6

Well if it seems that you are always fighting then I would say that is unhealthy. If you just have little disagreements here and there then that isnt so bad. If you are having doubts and posting this, I would say you are worried and there may be some problems. Any name calling or hurtful words are crossing the line.

Answer 7

Everyone's different and it changes with time. It should always be fair fighting.

I'll add to Jennifer F.'s answer above.. If/when you get to a point of not being able to come to an agreement, toss a coin. Seriously. But you both have to agree that how it lands, you both have to stick to it.

Another important thing. If one starts to argue and the timing is inopportune, decide you can postpone it till later and try to make it a time later when you've had a chance to cool off.

Don't forget, you can agree to disagree. Hope this helped.

Answer 8

honey your right in all relation ships your going to have your ups and downs but like everything else it even has a stopping point,you both need to come to a compramise on things and quit arguing so much because if you dont your going to end up spliting up,and i dont know if thats what you want or not,but if you dont quit your just going to end up hateing each other or something else but you guys are the only ones who know what your problems are weather they are big or small and you are the only ones who knows when enough is enough so take time and just set down and think things out ok and youll come to the right conclusion on whats best for the both of you ok

Answer 9

Depends on how well the two of you communicate and what other issues your relationship has.

For my wife and I:
1st year = next to nothing
2nd year = constantly arguing about trivial issues
3rd year = arguing about twice a month about trivial issues
4th year to current = arguing once every couple months about semi-serious issues

Answer 10

me and my ex got in little fights all teh time. but bigg fights once a week. now tht was too much. we constantly hated each other. and we couldnt even have a good make-up cuz everytime we made up we strted hatin each other again....so i say lil fights are normal. try and keep those down tho and as much possible try and avoid the bigger fights.