my 13 yr son has just been done for shoplifting what do i do?..how can i help him turn his life around ?

Question

he just will not talk to us. i feel im a bad mother..ive tryed my best but it is never good enuff for him .

Answer 1

Sometimes teens this age will steal because they see something they want, however, don't have enough money to buy it. I would recommend giving him an allowance for good behavior and/or grades at school. You can also open up a bank account in his name and teach him the value of saving. Does he have a job? Have him get involved with paper routing or grocery sacking at a local grocery store. If you have already tried these things, and it still isn't helping, get him involved in Big Brothers of America ~ There are teenagers and young adults who donate their time to be a positive influence on youth ~

Answer 2

Just because your son has shoplifted does not mean you are a bad mother. I wont dony that this is sometimes tha case but you are obviously concerned about him so i'm certain this is not the case.
Children shoplift for a number of reasons, some of the main ones are - Peer pressure, all their friends are doing it and they are made to feel like a 'wimp' for not trying it. (9 times out of 10 this is the case)
- Sometimes they want something and for some reason they feel like they can't ask you for it, perhaps they are embarassed about the thing that they want or maybe they know that you can't afford to buy these things for them.
This still doesn't make it your fault, he needs to understand that life is not always as you want it and sometimes you have to go without things. Keep trying to talk to him though, just be calm and don't get frustrated when he doesn't want to know. All you can do is reassure him that you will be there for him and he will come around eventually.
I hope it all works out for you soon.

Answer 3

I hate to say it but been through this twice. I tried everything, hitting doesn't work it just causes hurt and anger. Taking all of their stuff away, ie, music, sky tv (the footy) stopping pocket money? Trying to get them to talk? no way, nothing works. Try to get a good friend with a son of the same age to detour him from any bad influences around. Do you work? a lot? maybe he is craving for your attention. Boys are more loving and closer to their Mum's. I found that out a bit late, I was a single parent, always at work to buy the designer gear they wanted and the up to date computers etc but I think they'd have been happier if I was there rather than babysitters. I don't know, you just think you are doing the best for them, then you get hit with something like this? I wish you luck . xx

Answer 4

parents are always blaming themselves and they could be the best parents in the world and still their children go wrong.i would tell him that he is headed for the detention center if he doesnt straighten up and that if he wants a life of always being in trouble that one day when he is older he will go to prison and in there they are very cruel. there is a program thats called "scared straight" they take the kids through the prison and the prisoners stand in aline and yell things at them that is harsh and this is scarey but yet it teaches them a lesson. there is also a camp that you can send your child to that is called "boot camp" it is like the army but it teaches the kids whats right from whats wrong. it sounds like he is stubborn as well. if he would like items that you can afford then i would make him earn them by working and doing things in the house. get him a paper route or something that he can earn his own money to buy the things he likes.maybe with a goal set before him this will alieviate the desire to steal.if this continues then i think you will have to have tough love. it may be that suffering will have to do the trick. show him love and tell that you love him but not the things that he does wrong.pray for him and try and get him involved in some good activities. there is boys and girls clubs and also big brothers programs that help kids. see what his interests are and try and find something to get his mind off of the wrong places and things.if he took a walk through a prison i am sure he would not want to go there and be a resident later on in life.

Answer 5

He's just a young teen testing out the world. I bet he was with friends and wanted to show off, plus kids never have lots of cash and want things badly. Now he feels ashamed but wants to play tough noogie and won't talk to you.

Don't panic, and don't try anything. After all, what is there to say? He knows he's been silly and you will disapprove. In a way, if you keep nagging you fall in with his rebel wannabe game. Now he knows that when stealing you get caught, and this will make him think. Surprise him by showing no concern.
I think it's your best bet, better than tears and recrimination which will make him into some kind of gangsta hero (to his own eyes that is!).

Answer 6

honey...your not to blame and you are NOT a bad mother, you would not be telling us about this if you didn't care, so stop beating yourself up...i take it he was not alone when he got caught? maybe they were waiting outside or keeping dixie... it's called peers pressure...they shoplift, so he has to shoplift too just so he's in with the in-crowd...you need to ground him for a few days and have him do some chores...then give him a firm talking to...tell him next time he does it he WILL get caught and his mates will not be seen for dust, also he will end up in a cell and he will be the one taking the brunt of it, kids at that age never listen, but i do know a short sharp shock cures it, the police will make him think twice....he's been caught, that's why he's pished off....

Answer 7

its hard work being a parent isnt it,
my 16 year old daughter got caught shop lifting as they do egged on by their mates, we got her put in a cell for an hour at the police station -she has vowed never to do anything like that again,
its cruel to say but sometimes only scare tactics are the way to go as kids are so full of them selves and think they know best,
sorry to say but it could get worse before it gets better, i know you probably dont want to hear that, but he will hopefully grow up into a good lad - it really is a age thing at the mo and also a life lesson

Answer 8

You are not a bad mother, just that sometime´s kid´s these days want a finger then they want your whole arm , He wont talk to you , then tell him to write you a letter, and maybe if someone where to steal something of his, that was very important to him he might think twice about doing it again. Set some rules and keep to them,

Answer 9

No its not your fault!! My mam used to blame herself for my bro but there is nothin she could do. Let him face up to it. He may be only 13 but if he can go shoplift well then he can go sweep the streets wit the council. Dont take responsibility yourself.

Answer 10

I hate to say this but he needs a spanking, a good one.

then take everything away from him,

tv, phone, cell phone, money everything.

he needs to be disciplined, and you are the one who has to do it.

don't wait until he's 20 to start parenting,

and hormones make kids crazy now adays.

so have a bit patients and givve him the attention he's looking for.

you need to force him into basketbal, or religious groups, make sure all his time is accounted for.

and i am serious he needs a spanking. tell him if he acts like a baby he gets treated like a baby.