I am approaching 40 and have never been in love because I am afraid of being hurt. I have had guys fall in love with me but we always break up because I just can't allow myself to take the risk of being hurt. How do I get past this? Sometimes I just don't care if true love ever comes along and other times....I just don't know. What can I do?
2006-12-06 09:47:39 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
What's "true love", anyway? When we're young and innocent, it's hormones and puppy love. When we're in our mid-30s, well, we know a little better, so that magic state of chemical bliss happens less readily.
You're holding yourself back by waiting for something that might never happen out of the blue. You should instead ask yourself what other things you want out of a relationship, e.g. friendship, shared interests, shared values, desire for kids, physical chemistry, and find a guy who meets the crucial points on your checklist. Of course you're going to have doubts about him at first, but trust takes time. Lasting love is built -- it doesn't happen overnight.
2006-12-06 10:03:53 · answer #1 · answered by Blenderhead 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sooner or later most people get to a point where they have to decide whether they are going to let their lives be controlled by some kind of fear, or whether they are going to finally take control. The problem is that it's not a one-moment-and-done kind of decision, like ripping off a band-aid. Fear is like an addiction that everyone has. You will have to face it every day, and constantly decide that you will not let it stand in the way of what you want. The sooner you make up your mind that you are in control, NOT the fear, the sooner it becomes the truth - you ARE in control. Just by deciding it, and taking action. Once you do it, you can do it the next day, and the next, and it becomes a pattern. Courage is habit forming, and once you get into the habit it becomes who you are.
2006-12-06 09:55:25 · answer #2 · answered by Austin W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like someone in your past let you down pretty hard. Not to worry...it happens to the best of us. But you can't be afraid your whole life. You have to get out there and give it your best knowing full well it could always happen again. It sucks, but that's the game of love. However, after all the bull s h i t, you'll finally come across someone who won't hurt you and it'll make the game worth it in the end. Don't give up.
2006-12-06 09:50:47 · answer #3 · answered by aslgirl143 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats sad, and i'm sorry for al your past hurts.
You have to realise.. there's always going to be bad people in the world that can hurt you even if your not in love with them.
There's good people in the world too that won't go out of their way to hurt you.
You just have to find a man from the second bunch (which is hard) The only way you'll find one from that pile is by looking around and just having a go at it.
2006-12-06 09:50:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can relate to your question because I am a new 37 yrs old father of 2 babies and I have the biggest fear of any kind of harm toward my kids. I am very over protective and I know that I irritate my wife somtimes.(smile)
Back to your question.
It feels good to be in Love but keep in mind that the person that you are in Love with is just a human being that came from this world. They will never be perfect. Be well aware of your selection.. Don't be blind to his bad side. Know everything about your mate, it will be easy for you to cope with the negative.
2006-12-06 11:25:28 · answer #5 · answered by Big P 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"It is playing safe that we create a world of utmost insecurity." (Adjani Isabelle)
Don't be afraid to get out there and experience things.
No one can promise you that you won't get hurt, just as no one can promise you that you will.
Life is a game of risk, don't be afraid to take chances.
The worst thing that can happen is that you end up back at square 1.
Just keep trying, do all you can to make yourself happy.
2006-12-06 09:56:49 · answer #6 · answered by Desiree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
**** im young...really young. and ive already found my first true love and been hurt twice by them. you just gotta take a chance. if you fall you pick yurself up and dust yurslef off. life will go on. and trust me im still tryin to.
2006-12-06 09:51:36 · answer #7 · answered by Flipp-Up 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think yer a bit too old to be playing those "i don't wanna be hurt" games....grow up....life is painful...shake it off and find your spot in it
2006-12-06 09:50:10 · answer #8 · answered by j c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is not your concern, child school is get focused on life. Not boys.
2006-12-06 09:49:43 · answer #9 · answered by Meechie P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if ya don't risk anything you won't get anything
maybe risk it, knowing you will be ok whatever happens
be strong, then try it
2006-12-06 09:49:58 · answer #10 · answered by kurticus1024 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋