Any body have some good jokes?

Question

Hey, i need really funny jokes!!!! i usually can think of one but, i need to know some diffrent ones!! THANXS

Answer 1

hey

1- if u r alone i'll b ur shadow,if u want 2 cry i'll b ur shoulder,if u need 2 b happy i'll b ur smile,if u want money wait 4 salary
lol

2- Life is like a movie..!!
When u r sad : DRAMA ,
angry : ACTION ,
afraid : SUSPENSE ,
when u look at mirror : HORROR!
& now u r smiling..
That's COMEDY


3- UR 100% clever, U R 100% beautyfull, U R 100% smart and 100% stupid 2 believe all what's written above

4- Q. How do you make a blonde laugh on a Saturday?
A. Tell her a joke on a Wednesday

5- we will upgrade your brain,please wait.....................


searching.......



searching.........



still searching.........



sorry=NO BRAIN found

result u r animal hahhahahaha lol


6- I saw your photograph, Its very nice, I kept it in kitchen, to frighten all the mice


7- Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage,the 'Y' becomes silent


thanks

with all my best laugh

lol

Answer 2

A number of people are waiting for a bus which includes an elderly lady & a young women,the bus comes & they all get on the bus which is full.A man stands up to give the elderly woman a seat, who declines & offers it to the young women who looks very unsteady & accepts with a releif, the eldly says you are pregnant aren't you she replies how do you know, she replies we old people know these things & how far gone are you, she replies only 2 hours but doesn't it make you tired.

Answer 3

There one were three men and they were stranded on top of a very steep and rock mountain and they could not jump because there was ice cold water at the bottom and could not go back down because it was very icey suddenly one found a lamp and rubbed it and suddenly a genie popped out saying "I am the genie of the bottle and I will grant you three wishes" now since there were three men they each decided to have a wish so the first man said when I jump down I want to land in a huge pile of money so the genie granted his wish and the man landed in money. After seeing the first man land in money the second man was satisfied and wished that when he jumped he would land in a exocitic cruise so the genie granted his wish and he landed in an excotic cruise. The third man was ready to land on a huge bed but suddenly tripped on a peice of ice and fell the man yelled $h!t!!!! And the genie granted his wish and the man landed in a huge pile of $h!t.
Funny eh? I like it!

Answer 4

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep s***."

Answer 5

1. Three men walk into a bar.


The fourth one ducks.

2. I don't know if you will like this. But, I thought it was hilarious!!

Three men were taking a trip on a plane. When they get on the pilot tells the passengers not to throw anything out of the windows. The plane lifts off and they're on their way. On the plane the first man finds a pencil and wondering what to do with it. He is told by one of the other men to throw it out the window, so he does. Then the second guy finished his apple and wondering how to get rid of the core. He asks the other two men, they tell him to throw it out the window, so he does. Next the third man finds a grenade! Panicking he throws it out the window.

After the plane had landed the three men were walking down the street when they came across a guy holding his eye. The three men asked him what happened, he said he had looked up in the sky and a pencil fell and hit him in the eye. So the three men continued down the street and they come across a man holding his head, the three ask him what's wrong? The man says that he was walking down the street and an apple core fell on his head! Feeling a little strange the men continue down the street when they come across a man holding his stomach lauging his head off! The three ask him what's so funny? The man replies, I farted and that building exploded!

3.Lenny went on vacation and asked Bobby to watch over his house. About a week later, Lenny calls home and asked "How's my cat?".

Bobby hesitated and sadly told Lenny his cat died.

"What?! You shouldn't have broke the news to me like that! You should have done it slowly. The first time I called, you should have told me he was on the roof. The second time I called, you should have said there was no way to get him down. The third time I called, you should have told me that you tried to get her off the roof, but she fell down and died," explained Lenny.

Bobby apologized and went about his day.

About a week later, Lenny called again and asked "How's my Granny?".

There was a long silence and then Bobby replied. "Well, she's on the roof."

4.Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking ... and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away ... Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ...?"

5. A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

The Irishman replies, "Oh ... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."

6. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded on a desert island. They find a genie's lamp and agree they'll each get one wish.

The brunette and the redhead both wish they were at home.

The blonde then says, "Gee, I'm kinda lonely ... I wish my friends were here ... "

7. A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

8. A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette went into a farm to steal chickens. The police were nearby and they heard them and came in. The girls quickly jumped into three potato sacks so they wouldn't be seen.

One policeman kicked the sack with the redhead, and she said "meow" pretending to be a cat.

He kicked the second one with the brunette, and she said "ruff", pretending to be a dog.

When he kicked the third sack with the blonde, she said "potatoes".

9. A blonde desperately needed some money, so she decided to kidnap someone. So she went to the park and she grabbed this kid.

Then she wrote a note saying, "If you ever want to see your child again, leave 10,000 dollars in a paper bag in the northwest corner of the park." then she signed it 'THE BLONDE' and told the kid to give it to his mom.

The next day she went to the northwest corner of the park and got the paper bag. It had the money in it and a note from the mother that said, "How could you do this to another blonde?"

Hope you like them.

Happy Holidays.

Answer 6

Two Newfies were in Toronto for the first time and they were on a bus. Two nuns got on the bus and one of them had her leg in a cast. One Newfie says to the other "Wa ya suppose appen t'er?". The other one says, " I don know, whyn't ya fine out." He responds, "I will" and goes over to the nun and asks, "Sista, wha appen ta yer laig?" She says, " I slipped, in the Baaath". He goes back to his buddy who asked "wha appened?" and he says, "She slipped in a Baaath", buddy inquires," Whats a Baaath? He says, "Ow da ell do I know, I ain't Cathlic,"

Answer 7

FUNNY FUNNY.....a guy donated his blood to save his girlfriend's life. after two years, they broke up. the boyfriend ask the girl to pay him back for his blood. the girl reached inside your pants, pull out her pad, and gave it to the boyfriend, here you go, I'll pay you monthly.... hahaha.

Answer 8

Michael Jackson is walking out from the operating room after his wife gave birth to their son. Michael says "Hey Doc how long till we can have sex?" The Doctor says "At least wait till he is walking Michael!!"

Answer 9

Number 1 Christmas carol on South Beach? Deck The Halls. It gets really loud when they sing the line ...don we now our gay apparel, fa la la,fa la la, la la la.

Answer 10

Q: How many USC freshmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, it's a second year class.