Children of DIVORCED parents...Did your parents ever talk crap about eachother to you?

Question

While my parents were in the midst of their divorce they'd talk crap about each other to my sister and I. (She was 13, I was 11). Is this normal? Should parents do that? Furthermore, my dad was not court ordered to pay child support, so my mom would make my sister or I go demand the money from my dad. Why do parents act like children when they get divorced? I'm an adult now, and could not even imagine putting my kids through that crap. Anybody else experience these kinds of things?

Answer 1

yeah they both did. They probably shouldnt have though because i lost a lot of respect for them when they did/do that.

Answer 2

My parents got divorced after 34 years of marriage and pretty much the reason they act like children is because they feel the need to. They still are trying to hurt the other person. I just told my parents I did not want to hear it. An that my dad was my dad and I loved him no matter what and the same about my mom. An if they did not like what I had to say about it then they did not have to talk to me anymore. Now I was a little bit older then 11 and 13 I think I was like 18 or 19. But when I did tell them that they stopped because they understood what they were doing was hurting me.

Answer 3

Yes. Unfortunately I think a lot of parents do that. I hated every minute of it. I used to get sick all the time because of the stress. All of my illness mysteriously disappeared when I grew up and moved out of the house. Now my step son has to go through it. We never say anything about his mom. If he talks about her we listen and make whatever appropriate comment about what he said, but his mom always tells him his father is a piece of crap and tells her son to ask his dad where the child support is if it's an hour late (we pay the same day of every month. If it's late it's held up at the child support enforcement bureau, not us). I wish parents could see what they do to their kids when they do this. Even if you're not talking about your ex directly to your kid, if you say anything negative in ear shot they hear it. One thing to remember is no matter how much you hate your ex, you loved him/her enough to have a child and the child is a part of BOTH of you and when you insult your ex around your child your child takes it as a personal insult. If you have to vent, do it when the kid is at your ex's house and not with you.
I really think all separated parents should have to take a parenting and sensitivity class every year and pass a test.
And I mean all of them not just the ones that were married and divorced, but the ones that never married too.

Answer 4

When I was growing up my parents would argue and at the end of one particular argument they had, I remember my Mother asking me if she should get a divorce from my Dad. I was 8 or 9 years old at the time, possibly younger. Regardless, I should not have been expected to answer something as serious as that. When children hear their parents raising their voices at one another, it frightens them and they don't completely understand what is taking place. It's never good to include your kids in marriage/divorce issues.

Answer 5

Im not the child of divorced parents, mine have been happily married for almost 40 years. My children (2boys 8 and 11) are. My ex and I NEVER have spoken ill of each other in front of the children. We are the ones who made the mistake of getting married and felt the children only needed to know they are loved and they were not mistakes. Its been 4 years now and we have 2 healthy, well adjusted kids. Not to mention our divorce was soooo nice and there was no fighting. More people need to learn that kids are not a pawn for your divorce.

Answer 6

I understand where you are comeing from. I'm 18 yrs old and I have parents that have been divorced for over 15 years, but my mom and dad like to still talk crap on eachother...my dad wont do it so often because my stepmother will stop him from saying anything infront of me, but my mom usually just rants on my dad all the time.

Answer 7

Most parents normally talk about each other out of anger. They should never speak bad about each other around the children. This only causes ill feelings toward the parents from the child.

Answer 8

yeah they did. i am 18 now and my brother is 16. we were 3 and not even 1 when they got divorced and TO THIS DAY they still talk crap about each other. get used to it!

Answer 9

one of my most vivid memories of my parents divorce was begging my dad to get back with my mom (because she asked me to) The rollercoaster ride that insued was a horrible memory for me...my mom would CONSTANTLY call my dads new house and ask what him and my step-mom were doing and if they talked about her that day!! And the funny thing is they NEVER talked about her...they were very mature about it....unlike my mother!! I guess the reason they become like children themselves depends on the situation....for me it was because my mother was ALWAYS dependent on my father (for money, companionship..etc.) and now without him...she was somewhat like a child.....a relationship ending makes us do crazy things...but ultimatly i dont think your mother thought she was makeing you feel bad, or uncomfortable......
But thats the problem...more likely than not...she WASNT THINKING!!!
I wish you all the best, and please dont let your mothers mistakes affect you any longer!!!
best wishes,
SMJ

Answer 10

mine are seperated now for 3 years or so and talk about each other. i know of many other kids whose parents are way worse though. i really dont think aretns sould do this to their kids. if you have a problem or an arguement keep it away from the kids. they dont need to be exposed to that kid of stuff.

Answer 11

oh yes my parents have been divorced since 1999 and they still say stuff about eachother to me