Is it ever ok to tell your parents that they screwed up?

Question

I am 24 years old, and have tried as best as I could to better myself. I am close to graduating college and have been responsible with work, bills, and have a great relationship. My parents however made my childhood less than stellar. My dad was a drunken adulterer who was never around, and when he was he was angry and ridiculous. My mother was depressed and slept all the time and was often emotionally abusive. I have never said anything to my parents regarding their parenting or lack of parenting. I feel that my dad, at the very least, needs to know how horrible things were with him. I'm not close to him at all. Do I just keep my mouth shut and resent him forever, or tell him somehow what he did was wrong? He's still an alcoholic, but denies it.

Ottoman.. my parents are divorced.

Answer 1

OMG ottoman shut up...i think you should write down your feelings and all of the hurt to each of your parents to let it go from yourself. it is almost like giving it back to them so you can move on. i have an alcoholic mom and my dad left when i was 2 (33 now and still have no clue what he looks like) at some point you have to let it out and the easiest way is to put it on paper and let them do what they want with it. once you put it on paper you don't even really have to mail/give it to them however in order for them to truly get it you should make sure they read it. good luck hun and i hope your adult life is waaaayyyy better than your childhood. =)

Answer 2

Speaking from experience on having both not so perfect parents and also being not so perfect of a parent. I am sure your parents have some idea that they screwed up. I don't think throwing that in their face will do anything but make your relationship more strained and make you feel worse. It might make you feel better to talk to someone else about it. I have come to terms with just accepting my family flaws and all. I survived and I turned out ok. I have had to learn about parenting the right way by myself and sometimes I wish at your age I would have went to counseling and dealt with my issues then because every once in a while I screw up as a parent and see something from my parents come out. Not the drinking part. Just mannerisms. You can not get an alcoholic to admit they are one until they admit that to themselves. Sometimes they never will. You can still love your parents and just not like how they are and tell them that when they act in a way that you do not approve you will not be around them or have anything to do with them.

I don't know if that helped at all, but I hope it may have in some way. I know how bad you feel and want to fix your parents and your relationship with them. One of the bad side effects of being a child of an alcoholic, you become the fixer. Some things you just can not fix alone. You can only fix yourself.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Well I can tell you this my parents were almost the same my mom was sleeping around, abusive, always mean to me like if she had regretted me and you know what i was the best child any mother could have. God punishes everyone. My dad was always working and when he came home pretty much he was a good dad but not enough involved in my life. I turn 15 meet this guy who is still in my life im 25 because now we have a child together and he is the biggest a**h*e there is. If my parents would have been there and given advice to me i would not be in this situation. But I finish school on my own learn how to deal with what happen since i was little i grew up depressed but look at this way your alive and living and finishing school and one day you'll be married. Go to church and pray ask god to help you to let go and be happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

What do you hope to accomplish by telling them? Will you regret it later (once they are gone) that you told or didn't tell them? You kinda have to answer these questions in your head and that might help you come up with the solution.
I would personally try and have some heart to heart talks with both without being accusatory. I don't know what you can accomplish by the "you did this.. you did that" thing especially if your dad is an alcoholic. Chances are he won't hear you.

P.S. Sometimes people fall short in this life and not because that's what they set out to do. Could be depression, could be stresses of not succeeding, etc. Reminding them of something that they may already be aware of might simply be rubbing their faces in the dirt.

Answer 5

You have no right to tell your parents how they lived their lives..now that you say you are close to graduating and all grown up and a lot wiser ..where is your manners have you not learnt some manners in all this time ..it is not your place to tell them where they have gone wrong ..
as far as your concern ..they probably stayed to gather
just so you had both parents while you was supposedly growing up .maybe if it wasn't for you they probably would have parted company ages a go..look at the lives they lead..so do your self e favour and keep your mouth shut and try to love him ..and thank him because he is the reason you are on this planet....resent him if you must .it still isn't your place to tell him where he went wrong ..you are having great relationships ..why cant you involve your parents in this great relationships ..rather then poison them

Answer 6

I wish I could have helped you when you were younger. I am so glad that the adverse affects on being a child of an alcoholic seem to have passed you by. I commend you for trying to be a better person. You really are a better person. I personally think that you owe it to yourself to tell them how you feel. Sometimes you have to do what is right for you. It may not make your life any better but they will know. Good luck.
Whatever they say, remember, You are a good person.

Answer 7

I think that you ought to get this off your chest. I would do it in the form of a letter to each individually. Lay it on the line, but be nice (after all, you turned out ok). You need to remember that they did provide for you when you were young. Think of the positive things first, and then bring in your disappointments for them to realize how they affected you. Apparently though they (though they might not have meant to) have made you a stronger person as a result of their deficiencies as parents. Good luck on closing this chapter of your life. Hey, and after you tell them all of this, please keep on loving them anyway - it won't hurt you, and it will show them that you are better than they are.

Answer 8

NO, It wouldn't matter if you did or not, they all screw up and
face it - its over now, just let it go, and move on,

no need to resent them, just forget them, its the best way, and when you have children of your own and they want to BABY sit, tell them no, i can't trust you, I don't want that for my kids, and not if your drunk.

Set the standard and

PS you don't have to be a B about it either,

Adults, move on, so just try to ok

and the best revenge is, Success.

Good luck honey

Meg

Answer 9

You need to talk to your parents and tell them how you feel. You're being honest with yourself, so why not be honest with them about the way they raised you when you were growing up? You have every right to tell them about their parenting skills because they were the ones that screwed up! Besides, I applaud you for getting your life together and doing something a lot better for yourself! You deserve it! Good luck and God bless!

Answer 10

Sounds to me like they didn't screw up after all if your almost finished with college, but i get what your saying about your childhood, If I were you i wouldn't go up to "daddy" and say you screwed up, but lett him see where your coming from, how difficult it was to get where you are now, without the love and encourage ment from him, and your mother, be sure to tell him all this when he's sober