Is my husband Gay or i am i just paranoid?

Question

i have known my husband for almost 15 years. we met when i was 14 and he was 19. We were friends for 8 years before we got together and it was something we both really wanted. The only problem is all of our friends (at the time we met) thought he was gay. I always thought that he was just a bit shy with girls i was the only girl that he ever spoke to properly. We became best friends within days of meeting and have been ever since.
The reasons that concern me are 1: He has admitted to me that he was curious about how it would feel. 2: We don't have sex as much as i would like and he dosn't seem to pay me attention in any sexual way unless i initiate. 3: I know this is steriotypical (and that is wrong) but he spends more time grooming himself and buys way more face creams etc.. than i even knew existed.
In his defence his mother had two boys and he is the youngest. She really wanted a girl and taught him to look after his skin etc. I love him to death, tell me im just paranoid.

Answer 1

The only way you'll know for sure is if you just tell him these things and ask him straight up. Otherwise you'll find just about everything about him curious for the rest of your life. He may get a little upset but face it you've known him almost all your life he isn't going to walk out because of a legitimate question. Men like things straight up anyway. Just say hun I don't want to offend you but there are somethings I have been curious about and I want to clear them up with you. Feel around if he is he probably would rather be honest anyway. Have a calm nice chit chat with him!

Answer 2

I have some gay friends that have taught me a thing or two about being paranoid...

(Warning, a bit brutally honest:)

The biggest realization I had is that there is a big difference between talking with a lisp and putting your dick in a guys butt.

There are lots of "tall thin and neat" guys out there that are not gay. There are also lots of burly manly men that are. My point is that the old stereotypes are outdated.

Also, it is a little abnormal for a guy to have lessened sex desire, but that could be related to a lot of things. Medication, depression... Heck, it might be the opposite of your suspicion, and he might have a girlfriend!

I would suggest that you try some situational stuff... Sporadically. Things like mention that a guy on TV is cute and listen for his reaction. Mention that a new guy at work is gay, and it's refreshing for people to be honest.

And I see one obvious thing in your message that you could test: You want more sex and he wants to know what it feels like... Get a dildo, and show him what it feels like! You get sex, he gets to find out, and it might bring you closer together. Or he might find out he doesn't like it.

Just make sure you put a condom on that thing, or wash thoroughly before you put that anywhere else...

As a last resort, you could suggest a three way. I just hope you're not the jealous type. :-)

Maybe he's gay, maybe he's not. My point is that this is a concern for you, so you should find out what the deal is! If you're paranoid, put it to rest so you can move on with your lives!

Answer 3

The only thing out of the three you listed that I would be worried about is the fact that he is curious. I know this is sensitive and you probably don't want to just come out and ask him. I think though if he was really gay, there would be more signs than just the curious thing. Another girl on here said her husband was turned on by gay porn. Now if you find out that the porn thing is true, then yeah, you might have a gay husband. Now, I know you said he doesn't have sex with you as much as you would like, but what are his excuses? My husband and I don't have sex that much, but it's usually because one or the both of us are so tired. (Like it's probably been about three weeks) but we are both ok with that. If you are not ok with this and he isn't willing to meet you halfway, then this could potentially cause problems for you both, if not now then later down the road. Also, my sister's boyrfriend is a very groom-happy guy. Like he does stuff like shave his whole body, he straightens his hair (with a very expensive straightner) everyday, and he uses all that facial stuff on hiself too. But he's so good to her and so sweet that I couldn't imagine him being gay. Just because he has some femminite qualities, doesn't mean he's gay. Just like a lot of women have some very many qualities, a lot of time guys find that sexy. Now that I said that, I'm not sure why. But if it's still bothering you, then try to talk to him. I know it may be difficult, but this is your husband, and you have to be able to talk to each other about everything and not hold anything back. Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 4

LOL

I don't think you're too far off, here. He sounds like he may be bi-sexual. In which case, you are at an opportunity here. Depending on how open you are in your marriage, you may see a day where he just needs to have that man-to-man experience. He may not like it at all and it's out of his system. He may find that's what he's wanted all along and although he loves you, you don't have the parts that will be able to physically satisfy him.

What should you do now? I hope you think it's obvious. Talk to him. Ask him. Let him know that you're curious and concerned and would like to live with peace of mind. If you're absolutely against this, let him know that, too. If you're interested in exploring a 3-some with 2 men, this may be an opportunity for you to bring up the topic.

Determine what you are comfortable with, and what you're willing to risk and follow your gut. You probably won't want to be wondering about this for the rest of your life (or the rest of your marriage), right?

Answer 5

Just wait a little more not that much and try to really pay attention at everything that he does,im sure you have done it but now do it a little bit more,or the best or maybe worse thing that you can do is to be straight out to him and ask him and tell him everything that you are thinking and what things are getting you worried, but look at this you too are married and as you say you too have sex but sometimes that wouldnt really make a difference


but you either you wait and see or ask him and be straight out with him about this,be honest like he should be with you

Answer 6

Communication is the key to healthy relationships. You need to sit down and have a heartfelt talk with your husband and let him know that he can tell you if he's really gay or even thinking about it. If he admits to being gay - then be happy and move on with your life. If he says he's not - just believe him until you have some concrete proof but don't go looking for it.

Answer 7

Yea i'm sorry yet your husband is definitely 100% bi. No guy receives stuck up interior the instantaneous like that, that quite gay. And through the sounds of it he has finished it in the previous. And no that's not well-known at keen about a guy to need a three sum with yet another guy. a million, its gay and a pair of, all men i comprehend do no longer want the different guy up of their spouse!

Answer 8

You need ask him about the things he says in regards to being with men. Ask him if he thinks he may be in the denial or confused about his sexual orientation. Also though, maybe when he was growing up his Mom wasn't very affectionate with him and his brother, some people are just uncomfotable with that kind of stuff and so they try and show their love in different ways, which, if its a way you're not used to identifying with the showing of affection, it would go unnoticed in your eyes. Definitly talk to him about this, its the only way your going to be able to find real closure on this matter. If your husband is gay its going to take alot of guts to come right out and tell the person with whom he made a vow to, so you need to make him feel comfortable enough about it to talk to you honestly.

Answer 9

I don't know other than asking him straight out. I don't know how to answer this question because there are so many married guys on the down low and they don't do the things that your husband is doing. So it's hard to tell. Just ask him is he still curious about sleeping with men and does he think he might be gay. Good luck.

Answer 10

I wouldn't worry. Unless he openly admits to you that he is gay, I don't think he is. Some guys just are more feminine than others. My best friend is a guy and a lot of people have told me they think he's gay. He's def not though, because I'm his best friend and he has no reason to hide if he was or not from me. I really don't think your husband sounds like he is gay. If anything maybe he has a little bi-sexuality thing going, but gay... I doubt it.