3 months ago I told my girlfriend I wanted some time apart because things were moving fast, and we were getting pretty serious. My girlfriend was very upset, but I insisted and we didnt see each other for a month. When I realized how much I loved her I asked her to take me back. At first she was still angry at me, but after a few weeks she finaly took me back.We are happy for the past two months, but last week I asked if she had dated anyone while we were apart - I did not.I found out she not only did date but she even slept with someone she knows from her gym and someone from her work, she says for about 3 weeks she had regular sex .The past few days I have been trying to hold in my jealousy.I know it is my fault and I gave her the freedom, but how do I get rid of my rage without showing it to my girlfriend?I have been asking her details of what happened and we have talked, and i feel i need to know altho its hard. i let her know it is ok to talk about enjoying the sex. am i ok?
2006-12-06 08:58:08 · 25 answers · asked by downtokissit 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Boy did you stir up a hornet's nest, eh?
As you can see, you're likely going to get many, "No, you don't have the right to know!"'s from the women, and the guys will answer, "Yeah, you need to know if you're safe, dude!"'s. :-)
You already note that you're accepting the break was your idea and only took place because of your influence. You also acknowledge that she appears to be open and honest with you about it - more than you may get from the women who've answered so far. Here's my take:
You have the right to ask, of course.
It's the same as wanting to know about past experiences with a new partner. The same as finding out what she's liked in the past, and whether or not she's been safe when having sex.
She also has the right to tell you off because you're asking.
However, unless she's trying to get you upset and jealous so you never want to "take a break" again... she sounds like she's been more than gracious.
You are a guy. You are going to be jealous. You are from Mars.
She is a girl - from Venus - and she would be jealous, too. But we have different ways of feeling jealousy and expressing jealousy. Neither of us will ever understand the other fully, but we can both appreciate the differences.
It sounds to me like you have a good relationship with her. She sounds lucky to have someone who's honest and is able to communicate his jealousy and his OK for her to discuss it. Afterall, it's very likely that she did things with this other guy that you two haven't done. Guess what? This may give you the opportunity to try things she will like and you may find fun, too. Stranger things have happened. Believe me. I hope you two stay together. Communication is 1/2 of any relationship. The other half is the complicated part. :-)
2006-12-06 09:11:58 · answer #1 · answered by stevegoryan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, she wasn't with you then, so she doesn't have to tell. It is the chance you took by wanting time apart.
Don't agonize over the details, and don't ask. The more you know, the more you'll obsess.
She's been able to move past your freaking out and needing time. If you love her, you need to decide if you can move past what she did.
You can't hold it in as something that happened during your relationship, because it didn't. She had no guarantee you were even coming back. Focus on being a good boyfriend, and you'll make memories of your own.
Hope this helps, and good luck! :)
2006-12-06 11:43:06 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You feel the need to know details? Why? Not hurting enough, so you want to turn it up a notch?
Do you have a right to know? Depends - if you both agreed to cool down your relationship and see other people, then no, you don't. If you told her you thought you should "see other people," then no, you don't. If you really broke up with her (or she might reasonably think that's what happened), then no, you don't.
Just because you didn't happen to date anyone else doesn't change that.
If you both agreed that you were taking some time apart to think things through, but you were still in a committed relationship and neither of you would date anyone else, then yes, you deserve to know if she did or didn't honor your agreement - but even so, to ask for details is just a way of making yourself hurt more (and looking for things to hold against her).
Here's something you do need to think about, though --- you were apart for a month, and she had "regular sex" without you for three weeks of that month. No matter what your agreement was, you do deserve to know if she used protection every single time. Icky to think about, but there are diseases out there that laugh at penicillin, and you might need to be tested.
Okay, she was mad at you -- but there are other (healthier) ways to deal with that anger than sleeping your way through the gym, or whatever the plan was. Was she trying to get back at you ("I'll show HIM!"), or just not that broken up about the breakup ("Well, he's not around and I've got to get it somewhere")?
That's information you really need, and need to think about, because it tells you a lot about how she handles stress, anger and disappointment (or just her sex drive). People are who they are - if this is her way of dealing with anger, expect more drama the next time she gets angry.
Also, why did you ask for the break? Is whatever that is that made you uncomfortable resolved?
If it is, and you're okay with why she did what she did, and the medical tests come back okay, and you want to stay together, then you deal with your rage by going for a brisk jog every now and then, and keeping your big mouth shut so you don't demand details that won't make you any happier if you get them.
2006-12-06 09:10:42 · answer #3 · answered by peculiarpup 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can't handle the details then don't ask. I don't know why she disclosed the info to you anyway. What happened during the break should stay during the break.
What matters is that the two of you are back together now. Exhaust your energy into the effort of trying to make the relationship work. She's not with the other guys - she's with you so focus on that piece of reality.
2006-12-06 09:27:21 · answer #4 · answered by The First Lady 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have no right to know about or object to anything that she might have done during your seperation. You were not together anymore and it was all your idea so where do you get off being upset or even questioning what she might have done. You didn't care what she felt like when you left her. You need to stop asking for details and asking for trouble. If I were her I would be the one to take a break from you, permanently so you had best chill out before she remembers that she was doing OK without you.
2006-12-06 10:28:07 · answer #5 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You were the one who said you wanted 'time apart'. Honestly, didn't you think maybe there was someone better than her? Isn't that the reason? If she'd shown up would you even be back with your old sweetheart?
The fact she found someone so quickly may be feeding your anger. As far a jealousy you just need to let it go. Don't ask another question at all. If you can't you will definitely lose this one.
2006-12-06 09:02:56 · answer #6 · answered by katydid 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not ok. What she did, is none of your business. You turned your back on her. As far as she knew, it was over between the two of you. She had no way of knowing that there was a chance........(for real) that you would be back. She wasn't with you and what she did may have been 'to herself' wrong, but she did nothing wrong to you. If you are going to ask questions and for details, then you need to make sure you are prepared for the answers and to listen to the info you 'THINK' you want. Otherwise, let it go and NEVER talk about it again. Blessed be
2006-12-06 09:04:17 · answer #7 · answered by shy&gental 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesnt have to tell you anything, you can ask all you want. Just remember all of the questions you are asking now because one day she will ask you the same questions. If you were on a break that means it is her time and your time to do as you please freely. Becareful, sometimes knowing can actually drive you further apart in the furture! dont ask, just appreciate what you have now, you took the time to see what was out there and you made your way back to eachother... thats what is really important. IF you must know anything then ask if she used protection with these guys...for your own personal well being!
2006-12-06 09:10:44 · answer #8 · answered by Stargazer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you did break up with her! So you should do what you gotta to get over that. And I would serious think about your relationship with your girlfriend. You 2 had been apart for a month and she had sex with other people. That doesn't sound right! Maybe that's her way of grieving but it just doesn't sound right. Ask her why she had sex with those people? You may find out something surprising. You never know!
2006-12-06 09:03:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You're stupid, and being childish. Jealousy is a pointless emotion. Does the fact she had sex three months ago with someone effect what is going to happen in your relationship with her tomorrow? What if she liked it? What if he has a bigger cock? What the hell does it matter? Didn't she leave him for you?
Think pro-active, think for the future. Nothing in the past matters. How are you going to make the relationship better for tomorrow? What are you going to do to make her smile tonight? Where are you going to take her for your next night out?
The past is the past. You allowed it to happen, now you're butt hurt because it did happen....Stop being childish. And if you want to calm your rage.....forget about it. Don't bring it up, I'm sure she won't. Never talk about it again.
Live life for tomorrow, because that's where you have to go. If you continue to look behind you, you'll walk into walls.
2006-12-06 09:07:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋