I've been with my boyfriend for 2 months. This my first serious relationship, he took my virginity so we're on a whole other level than what I am used to. Recently we've been having nit-picky arguments over the most random things. At first, I blamed it on the fact that it was "that time of the month" but my period is over and we're still having problems. He works in a factory from 4:30 PM until 3 AM. He spends all day with his friends and his nights with me. I don't think it's fair because all we do is sleep when we're together. When I confront him about spending more time together, he accuses me of having "seperation difficulties." I'm working on getting a job, my license and a college education, which would keep me busy while he's at work and with his friends but then I worry we'll see each other even less and things will be even harder than they are now. Am I too clingy or does he spend too much time with his friends? How can I get through to him and make him realize how I feel?
2006-12-06 08:54:53 · 12 answers · asked by Desiree 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I know he's not using me for sex because it was my idea to lose my virginity to him in the first place. He told me he would wait as long as I wanted to. Plus, I'm usually the one that wants to have sex ... he could go without it but for me, it's just something new and exciting that I like to do. I know he cares ... he cooks my meals, takes care of me when I'm sick, buys me things and includes me in the things he does with his friends but those things aren't always fun for me. He mostly hangs out in the garage with them, which I give him time for but I wish he would take interest in things I like to do.
2006-12-06 09:13:55 · update #1
To answer the age questions, I am 19 and he's 20.
2006-12-06 09:16:34 · update #2
Like I tell my sons, any time you add sex or money to a relationship, everything changes. That's why marriage is so hard, because you've added both.
The fact that he took your viginity also changes things. People always remember their "first".
Separation issues would have you calling him at work and while with his friends, and not just once but many times. It would also mean that you would be trying to control who he sees and when. From what you have described, I don't see those as issues.
Get on with your plans for your education and job. If he is supportive of these endeavours, then he's a keeper. If he isn't, then he isn't.
I would love to know how old you are. It seems that he may not have the best of intentions toward you. I hope that is not the case, but it's better to find out now than later when you are more invested in the relationship.
One thing to consider, as well, is whether there is good communication happening. Good communication is listening well, "mirroring" back what is said in your own words to prevent miscommunication, eye contact, and more. If you are practicing good communication and he's not, then he probably is not willing to invest in the relationship the way you obviously are. Perhaps, it is time to move on. Only you can make that decision.
I wish you all the best and brightest of blessings.
2006-12-06 09:13:35 · answer #1 · answered by ladydamorea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he remember/understand that this is your first serious relationship? It can be extremely hard if he was your first. A guy friend of mine explained that it can be very hard emotionally and he broke off his first serious relationship because the feelings were too intense for him.
It's good that you keep busy and that you've got other goals going on rather than waiting for him to come home all day. I had another guy friend do that to my roommate/his gf. It can be exceptionally annoying for the other person, especially if he/she is exhausted.
Have you set aside "couple time"? If you attempt to spend ALL your free time with him, he's bound to feel suffocated. But if you take a look at your schedules and see that you have Tuesday afternoon/evenings free, perhaps you can do a early dinner/late lunch sort of thing.
Spending time together can be a tricky thing. Some couples are fine spending 24/7 together, attached to the hip. Living, breathing the same space. Many other people prefer to have set times to spend time together, so everything doesn't revolve around the relaitonship.
2006-12-06 09:03:06 · answer #2 · answered by Bookworm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relationships are never easy. Ever. First off, having nit-picky arguments is common. It just depends on how fair you take them and how you let them controll your relationship. Instead of saying you dont spend enough time together, make plans to spend time together. Fix the problem instead of talking about it. Its not being clingy when you want to see him awake rather than alway asleep. Sleeping isnt spending time together, its sleeping. If all he wants to do is spend time with his friends and not with his girlfriend, then maybe he doesnt want a girlfriend. Not that he doesnt care about you but dont let him take advantage of the situation. If he isnt putting time into it then he doesnt care. You should find a guy who WANTS to spend time with you rather than one you have to force. You deserve better.
2006-12-06 09:03:58 · answer #3 · answered by Dayna L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, he doesn't CARE how you feel. You're a convenience to this boy. IF he cared, you would be asked to go along when he hangs with friends. He is not ready to commit and it' sad you gave your virginity to a crep who is not mature enough to appreciate it.
Your pad or his? If it's yours, kick him out. If it is his, move out. Don't let him use you for a warm body at night. You only have two months invested. Don't mistake your relationship for being that serious - especially for him. You deserve better.
2006-12-06 08:59:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK..
First he did not "take your Virginity" you gave it away...
Second with a wacky work schedule like that it must be difficult for him to make time for anyone (factor in that he has to sleep some time between 3am & 4:30pm..
2006-12-06 08:57:00 · answer #5 · answered by SALMON 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he has every thing he wants why would he change for you? you are being used and that is as plain as the nose on your face, and yes you are way to clingy, and dependent on him. If this were true love you wouldn't have all these concerns or worries
2006-12-06 09:00:07 · answer #6 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he works those types of hourswhendo he have times fior his friends,i think you're being too clingy b/c he broke your virginity and you think he's going to leave. Personally I think you gave it up too quick, but thats another story.
2006-12-06 08:58:59 · answer #7 · answered by madtyga2002 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
seems like he just wants to have sex with you and nothing else. otherwise he'd want to spend more time doing other stuff then sleep together with u. u let go of ur virginity a bit too soon. its time to cut him off.
2006-12-06 08:56:49 · answer #8 · answered by 2dogs 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i hate to say this. but don't nag him. he will leave you or cheat on you. just let him do whatever. but if you think he is doing wrong leave him. there is alot of nice guys out there for you.
2006-12-06 08:58:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
when he wants to spend time with you tell him you have plans with your friends ...let him see if he likes it
2006-12-06 08:56:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋