Can someone say something to me that will help me find my pride again?

Question

Situation: I stood up to a bully in my family this week. There are three. One-- I have no contact with, the second, I have very limited contact with and the third, well I FINALLY stood up to her. She went and TOLD the other two and now they are all ganging up on me. They are hateful, dishonest and cruel. I am honest and very sensitive. I've asked them all to stay away from me, my husband and my daughter. I know it will hurt my mother terribly but I just can't take it anymore. Can someone say something to me that will help me find my pride again? I have been so derailed and ganged up on and lied to and about. I am crying as I write this. Anything??

The reason I am worried about my mom is that she feels like she messed us all up really badly. She was abused as a child. I don't remember my mom being anything but loving and nurturing to me as a child. I do remember being beaten and ridiculed and humiliated by my siblings (youngest of 6). My parents are elderly and all they want is for their children to be a "family". The only way that can happen is if I say I was wrong to stand up for myself. I just can't do it. I just started to have a really great and open relationship with my mom. I am just scared that this will affect that.

Yeah, curious, your answer is really interesting as I think it is my "inner child" asking this question. Me, the adult, knows that I am protecting myself and my family from abuse, but I think the "inner child" in me still wants her big sisters to love her. Me, here now, knows that they are not capable of love. They are sick.

thanks so much everyone. i want to add that my husband is VERY supportive of me. he is disgusted and astounded at how nasty they all are to me and each other. he made me a nice dinner so that i could go and cry a little (my 17 month old gets upset when I cry. My cat passed away a month ago and it was hard not to cry in front of her.) my husband is 100% awesome smart funny and kind and completely supporting me.

The crazy thing is that as a result of these people, I really began to pull away. I lost contact with all of my friends from college because I became so socially crippled. I realized this week that my only real friend is my husband. I am so afraid of being hurt that I don't let people near me as a result.

I'm going to reach out to some old friends this week so that I can rebuild my confidence.

Answer 1

Twenty years from now you will regret the things you never did opposed to the things you actually did. Your daughter will be a grown woman by then, and how will she remember her mother, as someone that stood up for the family, or someone that shunned the responsibility of protecting her? How she views things NOW and what she sees you do is what is going to shape her to become a woman.......so, in essence, you just saved her life. And isn't that what we should strive to do with our children each day... is save their lives little by little? Vince Lombardi (the guy the superbowl trophy is named after) once said "It is time for us all to stand and cheer for the doer, the achiever...the one who recognizes the challenge and does something about it." Please remember that knowing is not enough, we must apply and that willing is not enough, we must do..... and you did. Bravo. be well, Jack

Answer 2

This sounds like a bad situation. First, why would your mother not stick up for you and not want you to be hurt? that seems odd. Second, how is it that they are ganging up on you? Do they live near you? I wouldn't ASk them to leave you alone, I would TELL them to. I don't know what you had to stand up to them about, but I will tell you that your pride is within YOU, so dig down deep and find it for yourself. Think about all the thing syou do each day to make someone else's life better--your daughter, your husband, your friends. Do you really need a relationship with these people? I think not, so distance yourself from them---don't go around them and put yourself in the situation to be abused. If your mother loves you, she will understand and support you. Dry your tears, dear, and stand tall. You did what you had to.

Answer 3

Your first obligation is to your husband and daughter- they are your "main" family now. Your mother will just need to understand that you did what you needed to do to protect your best interests. You did the right thing, and try not to worry about what your mother thinks or says. Keep your distance from the bullies and it will get easier with time. When the bullies see that you are strong, they will realize there is no fun in trying to push you around- that is what motivates a bully- power. Once they realize the power to hurt you is gone, they will likely fade into the woodwork, and good riddance to them.

Answer 4

Honey Chin UP, and Screw those tittydo's
( where your belly sticks out further than your titty's do )
What do you care about them and there nonsense, you got your own family, and child to think of,

if they want to get things there own way, tell them go to burger king , they make it your way.

As far as the stuff they say to other people, well when you hear the rumor or lie they are speading, just peacefully, and gentle with all the sympathy you can muster

Say: Oh I know they say things like that all the time, Especially since they changed her medication, I pray for her everyday,


or
say:
Oh sweetie, she would have to say that, since she got caught shop lifting at the supermarket she'd being trying to take the focus off of her.

or

Say:
Oh dear is she saying That again, well i should have known, its her herpes medication that makes her say that, it has an adverse affect, on people with mental disabilities,


and the trick is to say everything you say about them as sweet as PIE.

PS if titty do dones work it could be,

Bootydo
bellydo

or she could be suffering from Ed Zachary disease.

You know where her face looks Ed Zachary like her A-ss!@

Good luck honey and email me if you want to talk

Meg

Answer 5

Girl why put yourself through this misery. If I were you I would ignore them and walk away. Don't be hurt by it. I know it is hard. Just leave them don't contact them and defiantly do not help them. You have a family to love, I would focus my energy there and not make them feel sad when they see you crying or upset.

Wipe those teers, grab your family and hug them. When you see those a s s h o l e s again smile, and walk away. They will try to get a reaction out of you, but don't give them that satisfaction.

Answer 6

You mentioned husband and daughter, there is your pride, stand up for your rights and your immediate family's rights. If they are truly dishonest and cruel you don't want them around your children anyway. Don't let these ppl get you down, stay on track with what is important to you, with what makes you and yours happy. Posting happiness, health, and good wishes with this answer... Good Luck and Hope you have a Merry Christmas!

Answer 7

dear just being able to stand up to any bully show that you care. You should be very proud of yourself. If they are bullies in the first place they aren't happy with themselves..and second they are probably jealous of you....You did the right thing don't let people run over you or your family..stand up for your family

Answer 8

I don't know why you need to find your pride again. It took great pride and love for you and your family to do what you did. You should feel proud of yourself and satisfied that you did the right thing. I clap my hands in honor to you, for standing up to the family member and protecting you and your family from all three of them and their hateful, mean, and cruel ways. Your family doesn't need that crap......... no one does. You did the right thing and I for one am proud of you and glad you shared with me what you did. What you did took courage, because like you said, your mother isn't going to be happy and she will or may be hurt by this, but I guarentee you, she understands, she knows how they are and knows that you don't need their crap. The only reason she puts up with it is because they are family and she feels obligated to.......... perhaps as their parent. Blessed be............ Good job :)

Answer 9

Stand up tall girl. Nobody tells you what to do , think, feel, say. Use a calm voice when you talk to them. You speak cool calculating and deliberate. Let them yell, it makes them madder. Don't be disrespected If you don't want to have contact anymore, don't. You have all the say.
Your man should be backing you everytime.
There are enough downers in life, eliminate the ones you can.
Merry Christmas

Answer 10

Honestly speaking I thought a child was asking this until I read about the husband and child. You have to put yourself first then husband and child. I'm not saying be selfish, I'm saying that if you don't think about you and take care of you no one else will.
If you have family members like you say then keep standing up to them. Bully's do what they do to people who don't demand respect and are weak. You have to find your inner strength and keep the fire burning. Look at it like this: what would you tell your daughter to do if someone was bullying her or she came home crying daily? Step outside of yourself for a moment and stop thinking about your mother. Think about yourself and the warrior that is waiting to escape and protect YOU for once.