Ok, I don't know if I'm crazy, mentally damaged from the past, or just in a bad relationship?

Question

Well, both my parents were alcoholics, my grandfather molested me at the age of 7 years old. I've been in this realtionship with this guy for three years now.. When were out having a good time, or just cuddling on the couch, or talking in bed before we go to sleep, i start to get a big gulp in my throat and tears run down my face. It's seems i alway's get emotional when things are so perfect. I can't explain why I cry to him, because i don't know why. And i think he's starting to think I'm mentally ill. It only happens when I'm around him. Do I need counseling,

Answer 1

From what I can tell, [not being an expert] to you, this guy is providing what you've needed from the main member's of your family as a child. When young it didn't really phase you that this was missing as much as it does now that you are older. This "gulp" in your throat and tears, are just years of affection finally expressed!
You are not crazy, however your reaction to this may affect your relationship. You must realize the past has passed and what this person is doing for you now is normal and well deserved.
Begin a new chapter in your life!
Although your memories will never fade, they can help you become a better person and even a better parent one day.

Embrace happiness with a smile, not tears!

Answer 2

The very fact that you have questions means (to me) you need to find answers. I think a good therapist is a great idea.

Being treated well after being treated badly often provokes just the reaction you describe. Some people also cannot tell a good relationship from a poor one due to the lack of an example.

I doubt that you are mentally ill. Anyone having been through what you have, who displays no reaction, would be the mentally ill one. Still, someone to talk to helps.

Good luck, honey. I'm sure you'll get get around this.

Answer 3

You need some counseloring to help work out the unresolved issues of your past. The reason why you cry when you're around him because you're happy and you maybe scared that it want last. JMO. Open up to your guy friend and let him know whats going on with you. You'll be surprised how responsive, caring, and understanding he'll be. I don't think he thinks that you're crazy- if he did he wouldn't still be with you. I think that he's confused about you crying around him.

When you've been hurt by people/family for a period of time, you start believing that everybody is out to hurt you. If my own family don't care about me, I know a stranger will not give a damn about me. So you go through life thinking that people are going to hurt you and you start to close yourself off from the world. You're safe but you're lonely and missing out on life.

We all have/had storms in our lives. Some stronger then others but start telling yourself that you're worthy of being loved. Thats what I tell me safe every morning. I look in the mirror and I say, I'm beautiful, smart, intelligent, and I'm worthy to be love. More importantly I love myself and God. If nobody don't love me I know that I have myself and God is my foundation. Through him, all things are possible.

Try that every morning or when ever you start having bad/negatives thoughts.

Answer 4

It sounds like the relationship that you're in is triggering something from the past; this is very common with survivors of abuse.

This doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with the relationship that you're in or that you're mentally ill. It just means that the issues from your past haven't been fully resolved yet and it's causing you to feel these strong, unsettling emotions.

It's easy for people to say "put things in the past" but abuse of any form, especially sexual abuse as a child, has a strong, negative impact on self-esteem, self-image and trust. So the more a person tries to forget about the abuse or pretend it didn't happen, the worse they tend to feel. Survivors of past abuse also often deal with issues such as guilt, depression, grief, flashbacks, anger and self-harm.

I was also sexually abused as a child and my father was an alcoholic so please trust me that I think it would be a good idea to talk to a therapist about your past abuse. Talking about the abuse and finding ways to heal from it while resolving certain issues can greatly improve your life and will help you with your relationship with your boyfriend. It's possible to heal from these traumas that you went through.

A good website to check out is RAINN (rape, abuse and incest national network) They've been around for a long time and have some great resources for survivors of abuse. There's also a toll free number that you can call for advice or information and the number is posted on the website.
http://www.rainn.org/

Take care and I wish you all the best :)

Answer 5

some people have never had any happiness in their life. then they finally get happiness they want to cry. this is not a sign of mental illness or a bad relationship. if it happens around only him, it is probably because you are experiencing love, that you never had before and it is new to you. its a wonder you got this far in life without counseling congratulations to you , that u have this relationship after the horrible experience u went through in you childhood. you probably are a smart and caring person, who has managed not to let your past bother you. counseling would be a good idea. good luck to you

Answer 6

I'd say you would benefit from counseling, regardless of your current relationship. Doesn't mean you're mentally ill.

Your closest relationships growing up were damaged, it's no wonder you have a hard time handling a good relationship. You learned that love = pain and broken trust. Get yourself some counseling to deal with your past and that will help your relationship.

Answer 7

You seem to have a certain level of emotional instability. This is most likely due to your past. You subconsciously blame yourself for what happened with your grandfather and because of that you feel inadequate in your present relationship.

You don't feel like you're worthy of happiness and so when things are good you become emotional... the fact that these emotional outbursts are in front of him suggests that you on some level are trying to push him away.

I would suggest counselling.

Answer 8

On the surface, sounds like you are in love. I get choked up sometimes when in nice situations like that. However, your question mentions the possibility of your being in a bad relationship. This is a pretty good possibility since your early relationships seriously affect your ability to make good relationship choices now. Does your boyfriend react negatively to this behaviour, or is he understanding?

Why not go to a counselor for a while? Even people who do not have the history you do find it helpful. If you feel that the way you're reacting is disturbing (to you or your boyfriend), talking to a counselor will help you sort out why. I highly recommend it.

Answer 9

First.. Why did the question end in 'or just in a bad relationship'? From what you write it sounds like a good relationship. Are there times when things are REALLY bad? Are drugs or alcohol involved in any of these crying spells?
Remember, things that happen to us in our lives that are out of our control do not define us. Your future is yours to shape and you deserve only good things.
You did not deserve alcoholic parents, you did not deserver a perv of a grandfather.
You DO deserve good things to happen and they will. If the relationship is good... embrace it. If it is bad... cut it off. Most important... have the strength to see the difference.

Answer 10

Your situation sounds very familiar to me, as I've lived the same way at one point in my past. I won't lie to you, there is no quick fix, it takes time, but life does get less difficult.

I suggest counseling which allows you to express everything and anything you want. Believe that this will curb the pent up emotions that seem to come out at inopportune times for you.