How do I get my 13 month old. to stop hitting me?

Question

I'm a stay at home mom, and for months now my 13 month old son hits me, pulls my hair and scratches my face and he thinks it's a funny game. He tends to behave well when he's with other people or out in public, but once we come home or when I enter the room he looks at me and cries like I've abandoned him or he's in pain (but he's not). Baby sitters will tell me that he never acts like that with them, even my husband agrees, it's only once I walk into the room or he hears my voice and he screams at the top of his lungs. How do I get him to stop being so agressive and for lack of a better word "whiney" towards me? I'm at my wits end and most days I throw my back out trying to juggle him and my household duties. Even my 3 year old daughter isn't this much work and was never this fussy!

I've tried ignoring him, that just makes him scream louder, my neighbors have even come to the door asking if everything's OK with concerning glares on their faces like "yeah, we know you're abusing him." (although I've never even thought of hurting my kids). I do hold his hands down when he tries to hit, scratch etc. I even pop his hands or spank him when he really gets going. Trust me, I've tried everything short of duct tape! It's been going on for months and months and with my husband preparing to leave for Iraq, I'm freaking out! Now I have to be home alone with him 24-7! And right now I can only tollerate him 1/2 the time.

Answer 1

MY SON USED TO HEADBUT ME AT THAT AGE, EVEN BROKE MY NOSE ONCE. I WAS AT MY WITS END. PERFECT LITTLE ANGEL FOR EVERYONE BUT ME. I LET HIM GET AWAY WITH IT!!! I STARTED TO DO THE SAME THINGS BACK TO HIM. NOT NEAR AS HARD, DID NOT WANT TO HURT HIM. WHEN THAT DID NOT WORK, PUT HIM IN HIS ROOM, NO TOYS, NO FUN, NO NOTHING. THIS IS SOMETHING HE WILL STOP. THE THING THAT SEEMED TO WORK BEST IS I WOULD CRY, LOUD, WHEN HE WOULD DO SOMETHING MEAN TO ME THAT WOULD HURT. HE MUST KNOW THAT IT HURTS, THAT IS IS NOT FUNNY. HE WILL EVENTUALLY FIGURE THIS OUT AND STOP. GOOD LUCK!!!!

Answer 2

Well first of all honey, hang in there. I am a stay-at-home mom as well and it's the most rewarding job there is IMHO. It sounds to me like the reason he only does it with you is that he's the most comfortable around you. For a 13-month old, here are a couple suggestions.
1. Watch for him to hit you, catch his hand gently, put it down in his lap and firmly (without yelling) tell him that's not nice and it might hurt mommy.
Now obviously, he's probably not going to completely understand your words. But he WILL see the look on your face and hear the inflection of your tone of voice.
2. The BEST thing you can do is lead by example. I am having the same problems (although not as extreme) and I am struggling with it as well. My first instinct is to slap his hand. But what good does that to for a toddler who doesn't have the capability of logical though yet? He probably thinks "Oh! Mommy does that! I can do it too!" So, lead by example by always responding to his outbursts calmly but firmly. I know, I know. Easier said than done! But parenting isn't exactly an exact science, so you just have to keep trying and find what works! I hope that helps.

Answer 3

Let's see, he's 13 months old. Which means you're letting someone who can't even reach a toilet intimidate you. It may be hard, but when he starts the whining and crying, just let him whine and cry. Pick up a book to read; mop the kitchen floor; turn on Jerry Springer, whatever it takes. Because if you let him physically and emotionally abuse you at 13 months, trust me, at 13 years, you won't be able to say boo to him without serious consequences. Since babysitters and your husband don't seem to have the same problem, he has obviously perceived some weakness in you that he is manipulating. And yes, a 13-month old can manipulate. In fact, as the mother of 3 and grandmother of another 3, I know they're quite good at it.
Good Luck.

Answer 4

when he hits you, pulls your hair...etc...take his hand look him straight in the face and tell him no in a stern voice. He does think it's a game and obviously you have let him get away with it...not a bad thing...but maybe now it's going too far. All children go through the phase of wanting mommy every time they hear their voice, see their face...etc. When you walk into a room or whatever go over to him, kiss him, tell him hi and leave it at that if you have other things to do, then go and get him and give him some attention after you have settled in, got dinner started...etc!

Answer 5

omg- DON'T SPANK HIM. He's way too young to understand a spank. You're just reinforcing the behavior. I have a 12 mo. old. When he hits, I use only two words stated firmly (not yelling), "No hitting" while I hold his hands. Then I say, "Time-out" and put him in the "time-out room (our foyer.) he's not allowed out until after 1 minute. I ask him to say sorry before he comes out. Then he says "sorry, Mom" and I hug him and remind him gently that hitting is not allowed. Do it every time for a week and you'll see the behavior decrease. Best of luck! Oh and check out the link below for spanking facts.

Answer 6

Just say no...and if that doesnt work put him in timeout, in a playpen or in a gated room or if you really have guts sit with him on a couch and hold him on your lap and tell him "you are in timeout you were being a bad boy." Even when you put him a playpen or something just tell him he was being bad and he is in time out. But do not keep him in timeout for more that 1 minute per year of age. When he yells ignore him...even if the neighbors are coming over and questioning you. Its none of their bussiness so they shouldnt worry about it. Hope I helped.

Answer 7

I kinda when thought that with my son. what I did was when he would hit me, I would grab his hands and tell him not to do that because it hurts mommy. after a couple of times it stopped. As for the being Whinny Just ignore him. if he starts whining because he wants to be picked up just ask like you don't hear them. and don't carry him around everywhere. Trying turning on the TV, or giving him a Special toy. Like if you need to clean put him in a playpen, and give him a toy he never gets to play with. Have special toys put in a cabinet so he doesn't get bored with him. I still do that with my almost 2 year old and it still works GREAT!

Answer 8

What ever happened to a good ols fashioned spanking.Negative reinforcement is probably the best way to deal with that. I got spanked when i was a child and i turned out fine.Thats whats wrong with kids. Its the parents that dont know how to be parents. All this"Ok billy that was not nice you get a timeout" crap is not helping anyone. And "take his hand and in a stern voice tell him no" Thats horrible. People should need a license to become parents.

Answer 9

You allow it. Sometimes, not that I am advising you to hit you child, they need a dish of there own medicine. If he pulls your hair, give his a good tug and let him know that it hurts you just like it does him. Tell him NO! in your big girl voice. My daughter went through a faze where she would bite. I eventually had to bite her back. I didn't draw blood or even bruise her but she got the message that she was hurting me and I was not going to allow it. I told her NO! You are hurting Mommy. Don't allow it any more. Do you want to be one of those mothers who gets punched by their 12 year old. It must stop now. Since he isn't doing it to anyone else suggests that he has decided that it was OK to do it to you. Be firm, use time out and be consistent.

Answer 10

You may not like this answer. But I would spank his sweet little bottom. And no spanking is not abuse. Loosing your mind and hitting until your child is bloody is. So don't go there. But when he gets aggressive with you tell him no, show him your face (the, I'm not happy face) and swat him on the behind. But you have to do it every time. It is never easy to put your hand to your child but it dose work, of coarse that depends on your child. But he has to know that you are in charge and not him, if this continues he will show this aggressiveness through out his life with you. You cannot let this happen. God bless and good luck.