He is adamant about having kids at our wedding. We both have a huge family with lots of kids. We made a guest list and there are 45 kids between the ages of 0-13 years old!! I don’t mind not having the kids from my side of the family there (except for my sisters kids and his brothers kids or course), he on the other hand doesn’t want to offend anyone and is insisting on inviting them all. Now don’t get me wrong, I love kids and can’t wait to have some of my own but really, 45 kids!!
He says if I put my foot down and say "No kids" on the invite, his family will hate me (I'm sure he's exaggerating). His family doesn’t seem to understand that kids break things, make a mess, and need to be looked after. I have been arguing this for almost 6 months now, should I give up? Or is there anyone out there who has either convinced someone or has been convinced not to have kids at their wedding? Help me please!!
2006-12-06 08:02:15 · 41 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Have the kids you old crab.
2006-12-06 08:03:54 · answer #1 · answered by Rev J 2 · 2⤊ 5⤋
This is a frequent problem at weddings today. Why?
Because so many parents are NOT watching their children. That's why. People today think their obnoxious brats are welcome everywhere and at all times and that ruining a wedding ceremony is no big deal because THEIR kids have a "right" to be there. So your fiance is probably right that his family will have issues with you, especially if he tells that it was all your idea.
For the record, I'm on your side. I used to be in the wedding business and I can tell you that unless the wedding is very informal, kids do not pay any attention to or care about the ceremony, nor do they generally enjoy wedding receptions. Parents insist that they do, but they are bored out of their minds and that is why trouble occurs.
I cannot tell you of the number of weddings actually ruined by children whose parents insisted that they were 'little angels' or who swore on a Bible to take care of them "the minute" they acted up. Guess what? 90% of the time, the kid is screaming and pooping and vomiting or ruining the first dance by running around the dance floor or pulling the fire alarm or smashing into the cake or the waiters and the parents are ignoring him or taking pictures!
It is now very common to have adults-ony receptions or to limit the kids by setting an age cut off.
If your fiance refuses to compromise, consider eloping or changing your reception to an extremely informal event to cater to these kids he considers more important than your idea of your wedding day.
2006-12-06 08:42:08 · answer #2 · answered by Karen L 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm soooo with you NO kids at a wedding!!! I'm gettin married next Oct and NO kids other then my and my grooms nieces and nephews will be there!! Hey if you want to bring your kid to the ceremony thats fine but not the reception. Its not the place for children....it doesnt start till 7pm and there is booze...why should a child be in that environment?? Not to add that kids are crazy at weddings and tend to ruin special moments like the daddy daughter dance by running circles around you while u try to dance...yep seen it happen! Plus you have to pay $40+ just for them to be there and that can really add up if you have a lot of kids in ur family! Its YOUR wedding do what you want and dont worry about hurting anyones feelings....your paying for it..if people complain that much about it then tell them if they are willing to help out with the cost of the wedding then go ahead and bring your kid. Good luck to ya! Oh and for the one who said "you no how many people wont come because that cant find a sitter"...that is such bull...most people know your wedding date months in advance and you're telling me they couldnt find a sitting with that much notice...come on now!!!
2006-12-06 10:17:31 · answer #3 · answered by Jaime H 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same situation for my wedding. Kids are no good for a wedding. 45 is alot of kids and you don't want the responsibility of watching over them. You know what happens parents have a little to much to drink and there kids are all over the place and thats when accidents happen. Besides does he really want kids all over the place when adults are having a good time. The only kids that were allowed at my wedding were my neice and nephue they were in my wedding. I didn't want anyone saying you invited so and so but didn't invite my child. Does your husband realize that 45 kids are a big expense??
2006-12-06 08:32:58 · answer #4 · answered by BabyDolll128 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you NOT want kids at your wedding? Are you afraid they will ruin the ceremony? Seriously - is it worth alienating a WHOLE NEW family for a 20 minute ceremony? Think about this long and hard. The kids won't be YOUR responsibility at your wedding, they will be their parent's - so leave the parenting to them. Most people with "wild" kids will know better than to bring them - I can't take my 4 year old anywhere like that, but my 7 year old is not a problem. It would be rude to say "NO KIDS" on the invitation - you may end up with no guests at all and a whole new family who resents the hell out of you - or worse - they may convince your fiance that if you feel this way about his family now, then will you EVER really change? Back off and let the kids come - you are not only marrying your fiance, but also becoming apart of his family - the WHOLE family!
2006-12-06 08:10:54 · answer #5 · answered by Christy 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Show him the cost per person and explain that if and his family want to pay for the kids to be there then fine. Other than that kids are a great way to trim the budget on a wedding.
Not only will they be bored but it usually keeps their parents from having a good time as well.
BUT do keep in mind that you cannot include some and exclude others. It has to be NO kids or with kids. There is no in between.
If this guy is seriously wanting the kids there then you need to suck it up and remember that one day in the rest of your lives should not be the starting point for resentment or hurt feelings. Yours, his or " theirs".
2006-12-06 08:13:42 · answer #6 · answered by bootsjeansnpearls 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Consider your motives, you said "kids break things, make a mess, and need to be looked after".
1. It's a wedding, the only thing they can break is the cake and I'm sure it won't go that far. You're renting everything else.
2. Who cares about the mess? You won't be picking it up. Drunk uncles make messes too, and they are louder.
3. Their parents are their to look after them or, if you are concerned, hire a babysitter.
That said, 45 kids is quite a bit and can get very expensive. Nieces and nephews should probably be invited. For rest, do not write "no kids" on the invitations, this is rude. Instead address the invite to the parents and write out the names of invited guests on the RSVP card. This sends the message loud and clear.
2006-12-06 08:51:36 · answer #7 · answered by Meems 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wow, very difficult decision but a very understandable predicament.
Perhaps you guys can compromise and have a childrens room where someone will monitor and watch them. It would be like their own reception area where they eat dinner, draw, play games...
Or you could make it an Evening Dinner with Formal attire. Perhaps then the Parents would think that's too much for the kids?
Orrrrrrrrrrrrr, perhaps have two receptions. A small, intimate, and formal one following the wedding ceremony and a family gathering of shorts like a luncheon the next day.
2006-12-06 08:33:33 · answer #8 · answered by LittleThing 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. My husband is Greek and we had 25 kids on his family's side alone at our wedding last year. On my side of the family we didn't invite any kids. It was OK because our entire families had never met before - so it wasn't a big deal by any means. But I will say I don't like the idea of a lot of kids at the wedding - so I hope it works out for you!
2006-12-06 08:12:47 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well we figured no kids cuz you pay per plate at the reception and it's silly to spend $20-$50 on a kid that is gonna take two bites and not want anymore. Plus you don't want tons of kids running around and crying and screaming.
Most people understand about not having kids at the wedding because most people don't allow kids at the wedding.
The youngest person we are inviting will be 9 and she is in the wedding so that's what we are telling people.
If people get upset about you inviting your sisters kids and his brothers kids, tell them that is because they are the immediate family. But it would be easier to not invite any kids at all instead of just a few.
Trust me people will get over it, and you can't leave it up to the parents to decide if their kids will behave, because there are parents who think their kids are angels even though they are wild.
I know a few people who would bring their hyper kids if I left it up to them.
You can also provide a sitter that will watch all of the kids during the ceremony and the reception, that is what I am doing.
2006-12-06 08:11:32 · answer #10 · answered by Megan B 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Why can't the kids that are around 13 years old be allowed to babysit the younger children during the ceremony? It shouldn't be that hard if the wedding is in a church to have someone tape the ceremony and have it shown in another room on a television for the younger children to watch. Why can't some of them be used as ring bearers, or flower girls? Are you that you love kids? The only reason no kids were at my wedding either time, was that the parents left them home themselves, they were not not invited. The second time, no children were in the family. Our son was not born yet.
Stop putting yourself as the most important person. Yes it is your special day, but those children you don't want at your wedding can make your day even more special.
Also I agree, his family might hate you for many years, if you don't allow the children to be there. Which is more important, you having your way or losing your inlaws before they become your inlaws. You are going to promise to Love your husband to be for better or worse, Well Lady, you are facing the Better or Worse right now.
Make the Right Choice for your Future and your Husband to Be.
Good Luck
Or try writing Dear Abby!!!!!!!!!
2006-12-06 08:10:29 · answer #11 · answered by handyman 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋