am I a bad mother?

Question

I am a single working mom..My daughter will be four tomorrow...I love my daughter but sometimes she can be a bit much..all I hear day in and day out..mommy..mommy..mommy..mommy..sometimes it really gets to me...when she ask for something and I tell her no..she scream yells crys..sometimes I want to put my hands around her neck...I am a good person I love everyone and I am also very giving and I had alot of patience before I had her..now forget about it..I have little patience even to stand in a line at the supremarket I dont have patience for that..I feel like a terrible mom because she requires soooo much attention (I do give her attention) from me and there are times when I just want to have down time and I cant..in order to be alone I have to leave the house....also it is soo hard to get to go to bed (when ever I go to bed thats when she goes)...and she wakes up early (I give her credit for that she doesnt have a problem getting up..even for to get dress for school)..help me...

I love you guys soo much for being honest with me..

Answer 1

At the moment, you are in a battle of wills, and must remember that the parent is YOU!

Be ready for the battle, but put her to bed at a scheduled time, and stick to it. She will fuss and hate you for a week, maybe two. But children need discipline and better from her loving mother at age 4 than from an abusive boyfriend at 15, or a parole officer.

Set her hours, and make sure that she is in bed before you are with enough down time for yourself. She doesn't have to sleep -- you can't force that. But if she gets out of bed and comes back to the living room, scoop her up and back to bed she goes.

Also, schedule yourself some down time together. Take her to a park while you sit and read. Or let her know that Wednesday is Mommy's night and you get to choose the movie to rent. Or find a friend/sitter who will take her off of your hands for a couple of hours while you go home and take a dip in the tub/do the laundry/read a book/whatever. If you do it on a consistant basis, then she will learn that it is OK to not see Mommy for a couple of hours on Tuesday, or that Thursday is time with Uncle Max.

She is not the enemy, just her constant need for attention. You must pay attention to her, as she is your daughter and needs it. But she also needs to know where she fits into the family scheme, and when you don't perform the role of Mother, then she will think she must take over that role.

All the best.

Answer 2

Look, your life is no longer your own. It ended when you chose to have a baby. She should be your sun, moon and stars. Be consistent. Don't bend because your tired and don't want to deal with her. You're the adult. Now grow up and be the mom. A loving mom. This is the best time of your life, enjoy it. It goes so fast. Don't yell at her. Attention is what she craves so any kind is fine with her. Ignore the mommy mommy mommy and eventually she'll stop. Children need limits. Maybe it's time you start setting them. I think the problem lies in your behavior not hers. Kids learn what they live. Patience is a virtue. I think you need to get with it! Now go hug your daughter and tell her you'll be a better person and DO IT!! Follow through! She's a reflection on you. And the best thing that you will ever have happened. When you live your life that way life with her will be a piece if cake!

Answer 3

You're not a bad mother. You're just a mother of a toddler. Did no one ever tell you that the Terrible Twos start when they become steady on their feet walking and last at least until they go to school. Of course she wants attention, but you also need your down time. In spite of what some people will say, a little selfishness is important. I've always maintained that if you give up your happiness for the sake of others, no one is going to be happy. I don't mean be selfish to the point of neglect. But establish a routine. Set a time for her to go to bed, if she's 4 she should be down by 8 at the latest anyway. Make her understand (by repeat, peat and repeat some more) that this is her bedtime. Start it with a story. Make it something to look forward to you. Hopefully she isn't sleeping with you because that will defeat the purpose because she'll know when you come to bed. Be strict without being mean; firm without screaming. And when the frustration gets to be so much you know you're at your limit, call a friend, call a neighbor, hire a babysitter, and take at least two hours to yourself. In the long run, it'll be important to both of you.

Answer 4

I don't think you're a bad mom, just an honest one. Some kids agrevate to no end. Before all these whimpy preps started saying how bad it is to spank, yet if you did they wouldn't do it again without knowing the end result. Don't let your anger get the best of you though. If you can get help, and no it doesn't have to be a councillor or Dr Phil. I mean your mother, friends, or even clergy. You didn't mention the childs father. You just sound like you have alot of pressure on you, and probably need some attention and someone to care about you as well. When you constant give care but don't recieve it, it puts alot on someone. I may be a guy, but I understand where you're coming from. So don't hurt the child, just get someone to help and get the situation under control. You made the first good move in asking here before doing anything to hurt your child, and I think alot of you just for that!

Answer 5

I'd call in an expert mom. Let her tweek your parenting and schedules a little.

You're working, and thats stressful enough, and she does need a huge amount of your time, and thats even more stressful. ANd being the only one in the situation with no one to turn to, or no one to help you figure out a better way, only makes it worse.

if you have a family member, or no someone who's parenting skills, and children you'd like to have, give her a call and ask her to come over and just give you some friendly advise.

When you're willing to hear it, it can make all the difference in the world.

Sometimes just gaining the extra confidence you need as a parent is what it takes to be the mom you need to be, and raise the child you want to raise. being consistant with your little girl in punishment and rules and routine can be REALLY hard when you're a single mom.

You second guess everything because you dont want to make her life any harder than it already is, its kinda a guilt thing. You know you have to work, but you want to be there for her 24/7 and cant, so having the confidence to make the call to swat her butt or put her in time out when she needs it, instead of getting frustraited with her is really really hard.

Thats my advise.

Answer 6

Honey welcome to motherhood. I too am a single mom. I have 2 girls and let me tell you 4 is an adventure, Little girls are chatty and needy at that age .They never shut up. You will never have another secret, or be able to go to the bathroom by yourself. No I shouldn't say never. They give up the constant attention thing at about age 6. It gets easier but the next 2 years are going to be trying. My 5 year old talks so much she even talks in her sleep. My other daughter is 12 (Also a chatty Cathy at age4); and I would just about fall over if said more than 4 words to me in any given day.

Answer 7

Your daughter is testing you, just like my four year old daughter tests me. I feel the same way you do, I love my daughter to death, but sometimes, she can be a bit much!!! You are not a bad mom, you are a good mom, but parenting can be stressful, just remember that. I put my daughter to bed everynight between 8:00 & 8:30 p.m., she knows that is her bedtime. Sometimes she trys to get up and play, but I let her know that it is time for bed. After she is down, that is my alone time and my time to wind down from the day. You at least need a little bit of time for yourself. Good Luck!

Answer 8

You're NOT a bad mom. You're a normal mom. If you're afraid that you'll hurt her, talk to your doctor about a referral to a therapist. The doctor will not look at you like you're crazy.

Do you have family that can help you? Try having your mom, sister, cousin, friend, whoever take her for an afternoon so you can recharge your batteries. I have a four year old, and sometimes, I have my husband keep an eye on her so I can have thirty minutes to take a bath and shave my legs. You'd be surprised at what thirty minutes in a hot, soapy tub will do for your soul, when you don't hear "MOMMY...MOMMY...MOMMY!!!"

Answer 9

Don't beat yourself up. You are not a bad mom just a bit overwhelmed. I feel for you my wife & I sometimes want to ring our boys necks. The single most important thing yousaid in your question was that you love your daughter. See if family or friends will help out when you are feeling stressed. Then do something that gives you piece of mind. You are not alone in feeling this way.

Welcome to the parent club!

Answer 10

Maybe you need to teach her to be a little more independent. Next time you go to the store get her some activitys that she can do by her self. Here are some things that don't cost very much that might keep her busy
Coloring books
books
playdoh
paint
Then when you have her working on these things this is your time to regroup and focus on your self. Go take a bath or rest on the couch. If she is nagging you to come help her tell her that you are busy now and she is a big girl go play with the playdoh yourself. If she crys and screams for you to help her tell her if she can't play with it herslef you are going to take it away and she won't play with it at all and actually take it away. You need time to your self mom. Do you have a friend that can watch your child and as payment you can watch hers?