calling all married folks please help with our money question?

Question

i'm recently engaged to a wonderful man.I have never been married he is divorced with one child.right now we have bank accounts set up as his,mine,and ours(for household bills only)i really want to keep it this way for at least awhile but he does not.he wants us to pool all our money together with no seperate accounts.the problem with this is his spending.his exwife uses their son like bait to get what she wants mostly money and i don't mean child support she already gets that but she always wants more.because of my bf's inability to say no to her or his son he is now 26k in debt.i feel and know if we "pool" our money he will see all the extra money as free money to pay of his debt.talking to him about his over spending on his child will not work,i have tryed and it falls on deaf ears.so i feel if we pool all our money it will cause alot of tension in our marrage about where "our" money is going.am i wrong to feel this way?would u pool all your money and just hope he did not blow it?

Answer 1

I think the three accounts makes sense, but you need to be running through more in the 'joint' account. It should cover bills AND agreed upon savings. Then your personal accounts you can each blow on whatever or save, as you want, without needing approval. If he chooses to spend his total personal amount on his son, that's his call at that point.

Answer 2

Before you marry the man, make sure that you both have the same views or at least can cope with your differences on spending and saving. Money is a big issue when you get married. My husband and I put ours together in checking then I transfer over to our savings. But we also have the same goals and dreams, as in buying a farm stuff like that. It keeps us both motivated. We also have a rule, anything we want over $100 we have to call the other before we buy it. That way, we can both have a say. It has always worked for us. We don't ask for permission, we just say look this is what I found, what do you think. I don't think we have ever told each other no but usually it is something that we need, like his tools or something of that nature. Never just "blowing" our money. If your husband is in that much debt already, I would seriously reconsider marriage until he has paid it off by himself.

Answer 3

My hubby has kids from a previous marriage, and I keep some of my money separate, but I do give him money for bills and such. I decided to keep my money separate from his though, because I realize that he does have children with his ex wife, and we do send extra money at times, but if he's that far in the hole, show him what money management can do. I would explain that you understand that he has a child to support, but that he is also going to have to make sure that there is enough money for the two of you to live on. If you don't get him to start saying no now, chances are, he probably won't in the future, and that can cause resentment on your part if he's blowing as much as you say.

Answer 4

I gotta agree with you. When one person has debt and is trying so hard to get the other person to have joint accounts there is a reason for it. Even if he doesn't plan now on using your hard earned money for his debt I don't doubt that it will happen. I would just keep refusing to do it and if he has a problem with that then I would seriously rethink making him your husband.

Answer 5

My wife and I keep our accounts seperate and prefer it that way. It keeps everything tidy and pretty much avoids any possible fights about money, short of who is writing the check this week.

Keep your accounts seperated for your own security.

Answer 6

You definitely should keep it as it is. Why is this bothering him.....I would be very wary at this point. His debt and money for his ex is his SOLE responsibility. Don't let him ever use the household acct. for his wife or son.

Answer 7

You need to talk to him about this before you get married.. if not it will cause more problems in the future..