problems with stepdaughters mother?

Question

ok, so for the holidays we decided that the 10yr old could stay with us from xmas day through the following weekend, since it is our weekend to have her. well now the mother says that the 10yr old is now babysitting for the neighbors and that she has scheduled her family christmas over our weekend. she said that when she told me about keeping the girl for the week that it was what was working for her then and that she didn't ask what the 10yr old wanted to do. she has done this to us before. saying one thing and then changing at the last minute to benifit her (the mother) she is now complaining because she has to switch her christmas which is only fair because we are supposed to have half of the kids christmas break and now aren't getting any of it. in my opinion it isn't up to the 10yr old if she wants to babysit or spend time with her family. if it was already decided then that is what we should stick with. any advice on how to deal with such a evil woman

oh and she i think she does this purposely. she tells us one thing then tells her daughter another and then tells her to call us and see if it is ok, this way we look like the bad guys and not her. she is married with two other kids. she has threatened us with different things before, like if we don't do what she wants us to do.

the court order is everyother weekend and to split the holidays, which she does not do. and tries to schedule things when it is our weekend. they just moved back from colorado a year ago, so everything was screwed up then.

i don't think she should be babysitting either but she gets to stay home alone with her 6 and 3 yr old sisters all day and take care of them too. the mother is an immature 30yr old

yes, we have two kids of our own. and how dare you call me immature. this mother has told her daugter to call a man whom she just married her dad for the last 8yrs. she told her that this man was her dad. she would call us and tell us that if we didn't do what she wanted that we couldn't take the kid. i am just asking a question.

sorry this is so long i just want everyone to know what i am dealing with. she has her daughter calling this other guy dad and her bio dad by his real name. she also gave the kid her husbands last name and pretty much did away with my husband and i am being called immature. we deal with it, but we have had about enough.

my husband went to court to fight for his daughter when they were moving. he tried to get them to stay because we knew that this was going to happen. they were being civil to us until they moved again and are now taking advantage of us like before because they live almost two hours away. i just want some advice. my husband isn't a druggie, do you actually think i would be having his kids?

Answer 1

First and foremost, I am so sorry that you and your family are having to deal with an immature person.

My husband and I have been going through the same exact situation with my stepson and his delusional mother, so when you figure this out please pass on any ideas!!

But I'll give some tips we work with. When the child(ren) are with you make sure they know how important they are in your family. Make sure that you don't let that child(ren) feel the hatred and conflict their other parent has created. Listen to the child(ren), even if its about how they don't like the color of their room at moms house, everything means something to this little person.

Stick to the court order, gather enough of her screw-ups and file with the court. This child deserves the opportunity to have the love and time from both families, not just her Moms.

Good Luck Darlin'

Answer 2

My God you are immature! Do you have any of your own children? How dare you criticize that child's mother for wanting to have her for Christmas. And it should be up to the child. They're the one's that truly have to suffer at the hands of their childish parents. The mother needs to deal directly with the child's father, you don't have a dog in this fight. You have to always first and foremost consider the needs of the child and how all of this back and forth drama will affect her.
EDIT*
I am a re-married mother of two children and 1 stepchild. I went through what this woman is talking about except it was on the father. I had to take the high road for the sake of my children's mental health. Their stepmother was also a meddler, (she had no children of her own at the time) and would try to make decisions that my ex-husband needed to make. We get along just fine now, but it is primarily because I put my foot down and decided I would not play thier game. If the girls wanted to go, I made certain they were there. When they became older and chose to do other things, I allowed that to be their decision. horrible how people put their own needs in front of the children's needs. I understand that there are court orders, but as parents you should be able to work something out for the children that you brought into the world, not let a disinterested court system make those decisions for you. Put yourself, or imagine your own children in this mess. Does it sound healthy to you? Do you think that blaming the mother or whomever will be a good enough excuse for your actions when the children are all confused? Think about it. And no, I'm hardly bitter, I simply have a low tolerance for selfish people!

Answer 3

I can speak from experience on this one dear. The best thing to do is to stick to that court order on the T. Dont give in to her BS she is just messing with you. If the court order says now then you get her now too bad what anyone wants. Make sure your husband stands up to her and tells her the papers say it this way and if you cant agree I will be here with the local sheriffs to pick her up its not his or your problem she scheduled her family time when its your turn to have the child she had plenty of notyce to schedule accordingly. You have to put your foot down or she will run all over you. Trust me dear it starts with visitation. Just do your best to keep it civil in front of your stepdaughter at least on your side dont bad mouth her mother in front of her let the child grow up and see who was starting all the trouble and that it wasnt you and she will respect you more for that

Answer 4

Can you sue for custody? Some 10 year olds can stay alone, none can babysit a 3 year old. The mother is certainly neglecting her 3 year old by doing this.
My oldest sister used to baby sit us. (I'm 50, she's 56) She still calls me all hysterical at the memories of being overwhelmed with taking car of 4 younger siblings. Good luck getting this straightened out.

Answer 5

karen W does not have a clue how court orders work, or she is a bitter single mom. I think you should tell the girl's mother that if she wants to go back to court and settle it, that's what will happen, otherwise stick to the court orders.

Answer 6

If it's your weekend to have this girl, tell that ex what time you will be picking the girl up. If there's a court order about visitation and the ex doesn't comply, remind her about the court order.

Answer 7

you could probably file a contempt charge on her but it'll cost about $1500.00 and I agree with a pervious poster it should be up to the child if she wants to be there or not I never made my child do something she didn't want to do include visit her alcoholic drug addict always going to prison daddy sometimes you don't care what the court says.

Answer 8

If it's your weekend, then it's YOUR WEEKEND. This lady sounds like a biotch. Oh by the way, 10 year olds don't babysit, they are babysat.

Answer 9

It depends if there is any court order for this. If there is then you get the child no matter what and I wouldn't stand for her to change it.