My current boyfriend went out with a girl for 5 years..i know he loved her and still cares about her, they shared a lot of stuff together and even lived together..but they had a lot of problems and couldnt stay togehter....our relation is new but i see it going somewhere. He tells me he likes me a lot and want to settle down for good this time if it works out between us (marriage).
My question is, will he be able to love me as much as he loved her, not compare me to her, etc...?
2006-12-06 04:46:57 · 24 answers · asked by *brunette* 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If he's a normal man, they really don't compare. I think they move on rather quickly, i think we tend to put what we as females feel or do onto them. How we'd view that situation or possibly treat him if it was reversed. I think that as long as you are yourself, which is why you are going out with him, he must love something about you, keep being yourself, don't be jealous or constantly compare yourself to her, (after all they ARE BROKE UP) then you should be fine. Make new memories with him. SPecial things that you 2 can share, and love him so much! I think most of the time our reactions and constant thoughts of (am i going to measure up to her) might sabatoge our relationships. I know i did that a few times. :) Be happy, sounds like you are a sweet girl. Just go with the flow! I am sure he'll love you MORE!
2006-12-06 04:50:52 · answer #1 · answered by Brook 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough question to answer, impossible even. There is no way of knowing if he will love you more or the same. All you can do sweetie is live it day by day. Don't over think it. Don't focus your mind on his prior relationship with this girl. It's not worth it and it will drive you crazy. His past is a part of him. Accept it and move on. What you should do is focus on your relationship with him. Be yourself and be honest with him in every way. If he is the right guy he will love you and never compare you with another woman.
If however, you are together 6 months or a year and he is still talking about his ex at times and comparing you to her, the man is not for you. You deserve better and you should look for that. Don't settle for less than love.
2006-12-06 12:56:16 · answer #2 · answered by trvlbug 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been the man in this same posistion. Except it was 3.5 years. now, understand that after so long, some people just stay together because they are afraid of life any other way hence arguments and problems. now, your man has taken that all important step in getting away from what wasnt working. he may have feelings like, if that never worked, how can this? well those things go away in time, and if he really loves you then it will be more so than with her, as he will better understand what being in love really means.
2006-12-06 12:51:14 · answer #3 · answered by Bistro 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, there is a new song on KissFm that has the same conflict. The boy and girl split up, but they still love eachother. The guy has a new gal pal, and the old bf & gf thing is the basis of the whole song. Well, i bet he still cares/loves her, maybe Dr. Phil will work or Jerry Springer, just kidding! But, counseling does kinda work. I would just ask him, well im not a girl so what the heck! Just be forward with him. Good luck, hope ya guys work it out!!!
2006-12-06 12:50:42 · answer #4 · answered by zacharydai 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you two were ment to be yes he could love you as much or even more then he loved his last. I hope that he is not using you as a rebound though. Will he not compare you to her, if he's doing it now he'll continue to do it. I dated a guy that I knew was not for me but we had fun when we went out and he compared me all the time to his ex and that is why I didn't want things to go further then they did. People through out their lives can love many people in many different ways, but if he is compairing you now he will always and its time to move on.
2006-12-06 12:55:16 · answer #5 · answered by texas_angel_wattitude 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where is this question coming from, though?
Does he compare you to her NOW? If he does, youve just gotta tell him to stop. Youre you, she's her.
It seems to me youre asking this because you think he does still love her.
Its not easy to just let go, lets face it. But when did he break up with her? If it was more than a year or two ago and he's still talking about her or ssaying things she liked or disliked, then you could have a problem there.
If thats not the case, then it sounds like he cares alot about you. Moreover, if thats case, STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!!!
Good luck.
2006-12-06 12:49:55 · answer #6 · answered by JusticeManEsq 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually the question is for you. Will you be able to not compare yourself to her? Really what you need to focus on is not how to be like her or be loved as much as her because that isn't possible. People love each other differently because we are all very different in so many ways. There are qualties that he loves or will love about you that she may not have and vice versa. I wouldn't worry so much about if he loves you as much as her because it will just keep you focused and him on her and that is not what you want. The best thing to do is continue to give what you can to this relationship and be yourself because obviously that is what he likes!! I was once very much like you and all I could do was focus on the old girlfriend and all it did was cause major conflict between us and jealousy for me. Once I finally stopped worrying about it I was more myself and I found out that I love me and once that happened he loved me even more than I could imagine. Don't worry so much about her, just be yourself and I bet he will love you in a way that only he could love you. Love yourself, girl!!
2006-12-06 12:53:50 · answer #7 · answered by Grateful 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is always hard to do. Not compare you to her. Expecially if they were so good together. I used to do it on accident. I didnt mean to compare women to my last but I did. I just didnt Voice my thoughts about it. But yes if you two have the right things going he will be able to love you just as much, even more. So best of luck and hope that it works out for you.
2006-12-06 12:51:04 · answer #8 · answered by Saints friend 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
once you guys are together long enough to have a history and be an "us" then he may even love you more. The fact is he was very connected to her for a long time and is just starting out with you then right now he may have more feelings for her. But I would stop comparing and just worry about your relationship with him
2006-12-06 12:51:25 · answer #9 · answered by Farah G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you assume he's carrying this baggage from his previous relationship to yours. It also seems that he's got a fear of abandonment and is attempting to pin you down before you leave him like his ex-girlfriend did.
I don't think you should get too involved if he really is. If he drops the baggage there's no question that he could fall for you and that the comparison shouldn't be made.
2006-12-06 12:49:45 · answer #10 · answered by Johnny! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋