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I have not seen my parents in over 4 yrs. There was a huge falling out long time ago over my previous divorce. They have never met my children from this marriage. My husband is upset with them for ex-communicating me...but now my parents want to be a part of my/our lives and my husband says he will not allow them into his home when he is here. I am not to give them my physical address, he says. If they do come here he will leave and the list goes on. I have shed many tears and I know life is too short over silliness. I forgive my parents. I want to move on. How should I handle this ex-marine, stubborn, hard-headed man I have? What would you do?

2006-12-06 04:13:36 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Family

16 answers

This is not your husband's fight, it was not your husband's fight to begin with. He should support whatever decision you make, if he is a loving husband and wants you to be happy. This is your home too and if he has to leave because he might burst into flames when they enter your home, then let him be the child and let him go. He'll come back you know. He has no right to try and hurt people he doesn't even know.

Tell him you understand his apprehension, and you appreciate his helping you through the heartache of the separation from your folks but also, this is a long long life and grudges only eat away at the people hole hold on to them. You kids are entitled to know and enjoy their grandparents.

Your husband sounds like he is going to be a real problem, he sounds like he thinks he owns you. He might be the one that has to go here, not your folks. Blood is blood, your husban'd just along for the ride.

2006-12-06 04:33:56 · answer #1 · answered by Liligirl 6 · 0 0

You should point out that by saying this he is making your life difficult as your parents did 4 years ago. He is not respecting your wishes or supporting you, as they did 4 years ago. Do you see where I am going with this...?

It must have taken alot for your parents to take that step and for you too, it's not easy to forgive and forget especially after such a long time. Tell him you wont do anything he doesn't want but explain how you feel/what you want and that you need his support.

Maybe it would be a good idea for you to meet up with your parents alone and away from the house. Just for the first few times, explain to everyone involved that it wont be easy and you need to take this slowly.

Hopefully when he sees how happy you are that you have reunited with your parents he will want to meet them. Maybe then just you and your husband could meet them, again away from the house.
If everything goes well he will want your children to meet their grandparents.

Do talk everything through with your husband, don't meet them without telling him. Ask him what he suggests but make it clear you do want them to be a part of your life again.

Good luck x

2006-12-06 04:37:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

It's great that you want to reconcile with your parents. Your husband's stubbornness is just a sign that he cares -- he's mad because he saw how these people hurt you before. But if you can forgive, so should he. You might have to help him a bit.

First, respect his wishes. If he doesn't want your parents to have the address, don't give it to them. Don't have them over to the house. Let them come into town, and you go see them at the hotel (or wherever they stay). Let them into your new life gradually. If your husband really loves you, his heart will soften when he sees your parents being good to you. He may still have some things that he has to hash out with them, but that's OK. For now just do what you need to do to heal, but work within the boundaries that your husband has set.

2006-12-06 04:18:46 · answer #3 · answered by D'archangel 4 · 3 0

This problem is moe than a simple answer. Time goes by and people change. You have to make your husband understand this before you allow your parents into your life. He was there for you when they weren't, but they are your parents and you need them in your life.

Do not deprive your children of grandparents. It is the greatest gift you can give them if the grandparents are kind and loving.

GET help. See your clergy or a person trained in helping in family situations.

I hope you get together with you parents and they can make your husband believe that they are sorry for the past.

2006-12-06 04:52:28 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0 0

He can't hold you hostage in your own home...
They are family and they are not perfect...
This isn't the military where you are court marshalled and dishonorably discharged... This is life and family... a completely different issue.
This is your home as well as his and he has no right to tell you what you can and can't do in your home.
I would invite my parents and let the cards fall where they may. He will have to bend a little .. marriage is a bond where there is giving and taking.. If you have forgiven them, then he should respect your wishes . If he chooses not to meet them, then that is his choice.
He should not try to make you feel guilty like you are choosing them over him... That is very immature and irresponsible of him. Remind him, if not for them . he would not have such a wonderful, beautiful , strong and compassionate wife.....

2006-12-06 04:42:13 · answer #5 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 0 0

Your husband may be trying to protect you over what happened with your parents. But at the same time if you ready to try to re-establish a relationship you have to explain that with him. As he suggested, I probably would not have my parents come to the house just because I wouldn't want him to feel uncomfortable. I would definitely encourage your parents to visit but do things in a neutral location. Invite your husband to come along and maybe he'll start to feel that he can. I think at the beginning it's important to take babysteps for everyone that's involved in this situation - everyone needs the small steps to heal, and gradually gain and earn the trusts of the other parties involved. I commend you in reconciling with you parents, I know it wasn't an easy thing to do and I wish you the best!

2006-12-06 04:25:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I think everyone makes mistakes up until 4 years ago I hadn't talked to my dad for over 8 years and decided one day I wanted to let my kids know him I was young when we fought and now I'm an adult I think your husband is wrong and should give your parents a chance to prove their intentions I would see my family anyway I would call his bluff I would tell him my plans as well if he left then he's being a petty person.

2006-12-06 05:28:41 · answer #7 · answered by fluttergirl2004 5 · 0 0

You cant change the rules on your "stubborn hardheaded guy " now that you have had a change of heart. Its his home also. HIS kids will be affected by YOUR parents. Maybe he is looking out for them and you. If you want to reconnect with your fam then go for it ( away from your home) but dont trash your marriage to do it. Just bc you have forgiven them doesnt mean he has ( and yes, if they hurt you then they hurt him). You wouldnt like anyone who hurt him would you?? respect your mans wishes. hes your family too.

2006-12-06 04:29:01 · answer #8 · answered by cheese food product 2 · 0 0

Talk to him about it and start off by saying that you both have to agree one way or the other to resolve the issue. Let it be clear that he does not make the decision alone. Then talk about the good things and the bad things and possibly doing a trial by meeting in a public place.

2006-12-06 04:17:23 · answer #9 · answered by Jon O 4 · 1 0

You're in a tough situation. Do you go to church? If so you could have your pastor intervene. Your husband need to realize that it's your family and family is family. Have you tried talking (not arguing) with him? Have a sit-down with him. Try talking without raising your voice. You've got to be able to sell this to him.
Your husband sounds a tad controlling. I dare not tell my wife not to give her parents our address.
Good luck on this one

2006-12-06 04:21:44 · answer #10 · answered by Wil T 3 · 0 0

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