Alright, I'm gonna try this again, and be a little more detailed. Me and my bf have been going out for almost two years. He never seemed to complain about this in the first 9-11 months of our relationship, so I wasn't even aware of this problem until he met this guy. This guy and him are now best friends, and he really has been influencing my bf.
Anyway, as of the last year my bf says that I am always saying things that castrate him in public, and although he says I do it all the time, he only has a few examples, and these he has discussed with me before (I try to not do the things that he's mentioned make him mad).
It's starting to really stress out our relationship, and I don't know what to do. So, guys in particular - what do girls do that seem to demasculate you? How can I avoid it?
2006-12-06 04:10:51 · 9 answers · asked by ja'imel 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
His friend and him have this running gag between them about how my bf is gay (I don't think I have ever heard his friend being called gay....) which has hurt my feelings, but I think that was because I am a little uptight. I am trying to ignore that, which can be difficult. For example, I am having dinner with my bf, his friends come up, and spend our entire meal calling him gay while I'm sitting there trying to eat.
When he goes away with them and I am there when they get back, they make comments about how he was hanging out with strippers, and go into sexual details about each other that are disturbing for me. Anyway, when they start to say this sort of stuff to me, claiming that my bf is offering me up as a prize to them and stuff, (all untrue) and I retort back at them, it always comes back on him as me being tactless and publicly humiliating him.
2006-12-06 04:16:47 · update #1
I've attempted not talking to them, or being brief and cordial, but they will then tell my bf that I must hate them, because I don't talk to them.
I think it is related to the fact that I don't have any personal examples of how to treat a bf, I'm sorta making it up as I go. If my bf says he doesn't like something I am doing, I try to stop, since I don't know if I am really doing it or not.
My mom is insane, and so I never use her as an example. (She was really mean to my brothers.) I haven't seen my dad since I was 11, and I have no extended family.
2006-12-06 04:18:27 · update #2
He says he doesn't have a problem with what they say about him or me. Furthermore, he doesn't want me even sounding like I am defending him because he thinks it makes him sound unable to defend himself.
He says that the only reason I feel this way is because I am uptight, and I need to just chill out. But for me, its humiliating. I work at a retail store, and if a guy comes in and asks me to help him I am usually the only one working and so I try to help him. If my bf's friends see it they joke around with him about how I'm picking up guys at work, and how he needs to beat me more often. They launch from that to how "man-boy cute" my bf is, and how hot his *** is.... (They call him that because I told him how a former co-worker who is really gay told me he thought my bf was man-boy cute.)
2006-12-06 04:32:35 · update #3
it is nothing you did he is looking for a reason to break up and make it look like it's your fault he has ether got another woman or him and his friend or butt buddy's
2006-12-06 04:16:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years told me i was doing that the 1st year we was dating. ok when he cuts u down or makes fun of u or kinda tells u to do something in front of someone else just take it i know ifs messed up but its a man thing and some times women have to just step down off there high horse and do it.if he says something that offends you just drop it and let it go till u 2 are alone then u can ask him what he ment by that and y did he say it let him know if he hurt u by saying it but only when u 2 are alone. i hope this helps some ive been where u are and i know how u feel not really knowing what ur doing wrong and y its so wrong. we almost broke up cuz it so i had to start watchin what i say around other people and him. guys need to feel manly i dont know why they just do its in there nature so just let him do his thing and if it makes him feel manly so be it just confront him when u 2 are alone if u really feel the need to. it isnt worth breaking up over. no matter what guy ur with they all are like that hun good luck
2006-12-06 04:20:38 · answer #2 · answered by Brooklyn Mae 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can avoid hurting your man by thinking about everything you're going to say before you say it. If there's even the slightest chance that it could emasculate him in public than rework your thoughts into a more polite phrase and then say it. You could also learn to make those things up to him when you do slip up. Make him seem more manly by allowing him to do the little things like make the decisions publicly and letting him always answer questions instead of butting in. I too have a problem because I am a control freak and my husband is soft spoken. It takes a lot of effort but eventually you find yourself doing things by instinct. When you step out in public allow him to do the talking and you can follow along and enjoy the ride. It's really not so bad and it's a real boost to his confidence.
Also, if its coming down to him not defending himself you could step up and tell his friends that he is not gay and go into as much detail as you can stand about how ungay he is. How much he pleases you and how they could never stack up to a real man like him. If he gets pissy then tell him he needs to start standing up for himself if he wants you to stop. He may not care about himself but you do!
2006-12-06 04:17:36 · answer #3 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Trying to make someone feel small is never a good thing. though It seems from your question you don't know what it is your saying that bothers him in the firs place. You need to be clearer with him on what exactly he doesn't like you to say or do, and if you can be cool with that, then that is what you go with. If it is just a matter of he is being way to sensitive to fun and joking ( because I don't have a clear example of what he doesn't like you to say) then maybe you need to just move on. Maybe his new friend dose not like you and is simply trying to make trouble for you. Good luck.
2006-12-06 04:25:38 · answer #4 · answered by Mooney 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm not a guy, but before I started dating my boyfriend I would talk to guys anyway I wanted to. Once we got together and became serious he told me that would have to stop. That it hurt his feelings and embarrassed him in front of his friends. He also told me that it sound like I didn't have any respect for him. So it took me a while and I was able to get it under control. So my suggestion to you, if you want to keep him, talk to him like you respect him. A relationship has a lot to do with respect so show him that in the way you talk to him.
2006-12-06 04:19:45 · answer #5 · answered by Sweetness 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
when he calls you out on something you did that he didnt like, dont immediately jump back with something he did that you dont like, just stand there in your wrongness and be wrong for once instead of trying to redirect
2006-12-06 04:14:09 · answer #6 · answered by s j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
with each addition you provide...
its like another cut of the surgical scalpel (or maybe a butcher knife).
2006-12-06 04:15:29 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why do you feel the need to belittle him at all? are you really that unhappy with yourself that you need to bring him down to your level? what's up with that?
2006-12-06 04:14:18 · answer #8 · answered by Tek ~aka~Legs! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
give him his balls back.....lol
2006-12-06 04:17:20 · answer #9 · answered by beachnut222000 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋